Memories, Memories

Birthdays make me reflective and as I get older the more reflection I seem to need. I just had my birthday and I have been contemplating memories of the last 72 years.  I find it hard to believe that I’m in my 70th decade and it is even harder to believe I survived all those years. 

Have you noticed memories are kind of weird? We never really remember them as they were but as we want them to be. I also don’t remember them in order and one memory seems to trigger another that may have happened years before or years after.  But, the act of remembering is a re-membering of me.  It is a process to remind me from where I came and how each memory created me.  It is a little like a yearly ‘Examen.’ It isn’t just remembering but an accounting of my life.  It is an opportunity to remember the good times and the bad, to forgive others, and to be forgiven, and to offer myself forgiveness.

I find God’s grace in memories, grace I hadn’t noticed when I was living them. I sometimes discover angels who have been my guides or protectors that I didn’t recognize when they entered and left my life. Each grace and angel helped form me into the person I have become. Unfortunately, I have also recognized a few individuals who lead me from my path, and I had to struggle to return, often with the help of one of those angels. It is one of God’s enduring graces that angels come when we need them and it’s usually when we have gotten everything all wrong.

I have been rescued so many times that my guardian angel carries an extra-large emergency kit.  I am sure she is grateful I haven’t needed to be rescued for a while. I started very early with getting my self into trouble. I was 6 when I pulled a deep-fat fryer down on top of me, resulting in 2nd and 3rd degree burns over 75% of my body. My memory of the incident is I wasn’t alone, I was being told I would be alright, and I was.  An angel in the shape of a plastic surgeon came and volunteered to perform all the skin grafts, paying for the hospital himself, and not charging my parents.  Without the skill of Dr. Meany, I would have been severely crippled. I would have been unable to live a normal life. My gratitude for the Doctors and nurses who worked so hard to save and heal me has no bounds.  To give back the gift given to me I have tried to be present to those who have been burnt, giving them comfort, and sitting and listening to their fears.

Passing on the gifts of grace has become part of who I am. I have been on the verge of homelessness a couple of times in my life and each time one of those angels was sent in to help. To pass on that gift I have helped others who have been on that edge, never expecting I will be repaid but always expecting that they will pass on their gift of grace.  If everyone did that no one would ever be homeless.

Those are nice memories, but I also have memories I am not proud of.  In my early 20’s I worked with a woman who could be abrasive and, quite honestly, we didn’t just not get along, we disliked each other intensely. I am ashamed to say that I started a not so nice rumor about her. There was a small, very small, bit of truth to it but essentially it was an exaggeration of the facts.  I never apologized to her, in fact it wasn’t long after it happened that I left for college. I regret that. I will never see her again, I don’t even know if she is still alive. A few years ago, during a ritual of forgiveness, I asked God to let her know, wherever she is, that I am truly sorry. I also offered a prayer to forgive myself in order to let go of the feelings of guilt, and, anger I had felt towards her. It took a while to feel within the forgiveness I sought but eventually I did.

Memories are funny things, I don’t remember the same ones every year but the ones I do seem to be the ones God wants me to remember.  As I am 72 I have a lot of memories, I sincerely hope I have enough time in the life left to me to ask for forgiveness, and to express gratitude for those I haven’t remembered yet.  Only time will tell. 

Birthdays are not something I celebrate, but I find them useful.  They offer a time to recognize grace, ask for forgiveness, and find peace in a life that has seen some rocky roads.  I have no idea what memories I will form in the next years and I hope they will be good ones. I also hope they won’t be too embarrassing, but if they are, I know God and the angels will be nearby.  After all my guardian angel has that huge emergency kit just waiting for me to mess up.

Betty Buckley – Memory (1983 Tony Awards)

Ruth Jewell, © March 12, 2019

Advent, Week Four, Love – Prayerful Tuesday

And now faith, hope, and love abide,
these three; and the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13

Fourth Week of Advent Love Photo by Ruth Jewell
Fourth Week of Advent Love
Photo by Ruth Jewell

FAITH, HOPE, LOVE

faith, hope, love
in faith an elderly Priest and his wife
waited for their first child
in faith a maiden utters the words
“Here Am I”

in love a child leaps in the womb
at the approach of the pregnant Mary
in love a bridegroom
takes a pregnant girl as his wife

in love Mary lays
her first born in a manger
in love the angels sang
and a star appeared

in hope the shepherds
came to the stable
in hope Magi followed a star
to kneel at the feet of a carpenters son

Faith, Hope, Love
all three were needed
for the greatest of miracles
but it was Love that conquered all

Ruth Jewell, December 21, 2015

Meditations for a Mindful Advent
Queen Anne Christian Church
Seattle, WA
2015

Slow down . . . seek hope
Buy less . . . create peace
Eat less  . . . embrace joy
Worry less . . . give love
Prepare your heart for new birth.

An Advent Prayer
God who causes stars to burn and energy to flow,
may Your presence be made known to us in new ways.
When we wonder where You are, shine Your light in new ways.
When we wonder why bad things happen, help us to find all of Your Goodness.
When we feel hopeless, help us to become Your hope in the world.
You have created us out of stardust, and breathed into us life.
In You, all things are possible, and all things are created new.
Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer, as we await the birth of the light of Christ
may we come to You in new ways on this journey of faith. Amen.

Love – The Fourth Week of Advent
Light four candles and pray “an Advent Prayer.”

Meditation
Snowflakes, leaves, humans, plants, raindrops, stars, molecules, microscopic entities
all come in communities. The singular cannot in reality exist.
— Paula Gunn Allen

All this hurrying soon will be over. Only when we tarry do we touch the holy.
— Rainer Maria Rilke

Questions
Morning: In anticipation of the day, call to mind the people you will meet.
Evening: As the day ends, where did you tarry, where did you glimpse the holy?

Prayer
Offer a prayer for those in need of Love; include yourself

Ruth Jewell ©December 22, 2015, Advent Meditations by Laurie Rudel, Pastor Queen Anne Christian Church, Seattle, WA

Psalms of Lament and Hope – Prayerful Tuesday

Paris, Beirut, Syria, Iraq, The World God in your mercy, hear our prayers
Paris, Beirut, Syria, Iraq, The World
God in your mercy,
hear our prayers

The only gift I have to offer this week is my sorrow for Paris, Beirut, Syria, Iraq, and all of us.  So I offer the Psalms I go to when I am in the midst of sorrow and pain.  May your hearts be comforted by the words of the psalmist and may you find solace knowing others cry with you.

Psalm 36:1-4 (MSG)
A David Psalm
1-4 The God-rebel tunes in to sedition—
all ears, eager to sin.
He has no regard for God,
he stands insolent before him.
He has smooth-talked himself
into believing
That his evil
will never be noticed.
Words gutter from his mouth,
dishwater dirty.
Can’t remember when he
did anything decent.
Every time he goes to bed,
he fathers another evil plot.
When he’s loose on the streets,
nobody’s safe.
He plays with fire
and doesn’t care who gets burned.

Psalm 42 (NRSV)

1As a deer longs for flowing streams,
so my soul longs for you, O God.
2My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When shall I come and behold the face of God?
3My tears have been my food day and night,
while people say to me continually,
“Where is your God?”
4These things I remember, as I pour out my soul:
how I went with the throng, and led them in procession
to the house of God, with glad shouts and songs of thanksgiving,
a multitude keeping festival.
5Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my help
6and my God. My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan
and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.
7Deep calls to deep at the thunder of your cataracts;
all your waves and your billows have gone over me.
8By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.
9I say to God, my rock, “Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I walk about mournfully
because the enemy oppresses me?”
10As with a deadly wound in my body,
my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me continually, “Where is your God?”
11Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my help and my God.

Ruth Jewell, ©November 17, 2015

An Opportunity for Grace in the Face of Hateful Protest

This is one of the most moving and forceful articles you will read this week.  Amy Piatt is a minister of the WORD in every way possible. Source: An Opportunity for Grace in the Face of Hateful Protest

Prayers, Wildfires in Washington and Oregon – Prayerful Tuesday

Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff— they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4

Table Mountain, Smoke Plume, KOMO TV
Table Mountain, Smoke Plume, KOMO TV

A wildfire burns behind a home on Twisp River Road, Thursday, Aug. 20, 2015 in Twisp, Wash. Authorities on Wednesday afternoon urged people in the north-central Washington town to evacuate because of a fast-moving wildfire. (AP Photo/Ted S. Warren)
A wildfire burns behind a home on Twisp River Road, Thursday, Aug. 20, 2015  (AP Photo/Ted S. Warren)

Hotshot Firefighters Pausing to Honor Fallen Firefighters Okanagan Co. WA ABC TV, August 19, 2015
Hotshot Firefighters Pausing to Honor
Fallen Firefighters, Okanagan Co. WA
ABC TV, August 19, 2015

Today I am asking you to offer prayers for those in the fire zones in Washington and Oregon and for the families and friends of the three firefighters who lost their lives in a fire storm August 19, 2015.  These men and women turn and run into the fire to protect, our homes, our loved ones, and the forests and animals that live there.  To them we owe our gratitude and prayers.

So today I ask you to offer a prayer for our all our fire fighters many who come from across the country and the globe to help protect our homes and planet, May the Holy Spirit keep them safe. Offer prayers of comfort for those who live in the fire zone and have lost their homes to the flames.  Offer a prayer for the environment and the creatures who live there. And finally pray for rain, soaking rain, without lightening, to give our land rest.

Ruth Jewell, ©August 25, 2015

Audientes Divina, or Hearing God – Prayerful Tuesday

Psalm 95:7 For he is our God, . . . O that today you would hearken to his voice!

In the last couple of weeks as I have been recuperating from back surgery I have listened to a fair amount of music.  Music centers me and reduces the amount of pain I have which means I can take fewer pain meds and that means fewer side effects.

As I was listening one day to Barbers “Adigio for Strings” I realized I was practicing a form of Lectio Divina, I hadn’t noticed doing that before and since then have purposely practiced what I call Audientes (that’s Latin for hearing) Divina.  I have discovered some interesting insights and, I must admit, a greater sense of being as I went deeper into the music, or rather the music went deeper into me.

So I don’t know if anyone else has ever practiced this before, or have thought about it like this, but I am offering what I have been doing as a gift of my recuperation.  Below you will find a clip of Samuel Barber’s Adigio for Strings and the instructions for my practice. I usually listen to chants, or instrumental pieces but I am sure there are other genres that produce the same meditative moments.  If you find this useful, since this is a new way to “Hear God” as a practice at least from this perspective, please, let me know what types of music you use to enter into the quite center.  Who knows maybe I too will hear the still small voice in something I haven’t tried before.

Samuel Barber – Adagio for Strings, op.11. Uncut
Original broadcast from the Albert Hall in London September 15 2001.
Leonard Slatkin conducts the BBC Orchestra.

Instructions for Audientes Divina

  1. With your eyes closed listen to the music and let the music wash over you, entering deeply into your consciousness; what images does the music bring up for you?  Remain with the image for one to two minutes. If you would like, jot down a few words about the image.
  2. Listen for a second time, with your eyes closed, as you listen let the music carry you deeper into your center. What in the music moves your closer to your inner center? What do you feel as you listen? Engage your imagination. Where are you in the music, or has it transported you to somewhere else? What do you see from that perspective? What deeper meaning emerges?
  3.  Respond to what you are feeling and your images with prayer. Did your experience of the music remind you of, a particular experience, person or issue for which you’d like to offer thanksgiving or intercession? Or, as you listened to the music did it offer a deeper understanding of being part of the universe, life itself. Offer your thoughts to the Divine as an offering of who you, where you are at this moment and as a blessing for the journey you will continue on.
  4. Rest in your quiet center. Breathe deeply. Relax your shoulders, arms and legs. Let your body relax and set your mind free to hear what the God has to say to you words that have no sound.

May you hear the voice of the Divine in the music of life.

Ruth Jewell, ©August 4, 2015

A Moment of Silence – Prayerful Tuesday

Numbers 23:9a for from the top of the mountains I see him, from the hills I behold him;

Mt. Baker, 9/15/14
Mt. Baker, 9/15/14

On this beautiful Tuesday I ask only that you take a moment of silence. Hold in your hearts, the pain, suffering and loss from the deaths in Charleston North Carolina, Chattanooga TN.  To remember the loss of so many who have needlessly died from Sandy Hook, to Marysville.  As we lift up our eyes to the mountains open our hearts to those who suffer; the victims, the families. Hold the perpetrators in your heart as well, pray that light will enter the dark well they live in and bring them out of the darkness of their own making.   Amen

Ruth Jewell, ©July 21, 2015