Ruth’s Health Care Team

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Matthew 25:36-40 (selected verses):  “I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me . . . Then the righteous will answer him, “Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? . . . “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to the one of the least of these by brothers and sisters, you did it to me.”

My Health Care Team Group Photo
My Health Care Team
Group Photo

I would like to introduce my home health care team.  In the last they 5 days since I returned home from the hospital following back surgery they have been an awesome team and they deserve recognition.

John, Mobility and General Care Specialist
John,
Mobility and General Care Specialist

First is John, by beloved husband. He has been amazing helping me get out of bed, up from the couch, and fixing for meals more than just macaroni and cheese, or peanut butter and pickle sandwiches.  I couldn’t ask for a better person to be my Mobility and General Care Specialist.

Freddie Discomfort Observer
Freddie
Discomfort Observer

Next up is Freddie, by sweet Zen natured Schipperke.  His job is to sit and watch me constantly every day, every hour, every minute.  To never leave my side, no matter where I am or what I am doing (get the picture). I must admit he seems to know when I am going to be in a lot of pain a beat before I do and he alerts John, the head of the team.  He is a very special fellow with very special talent.

Suzie Pain Control Specialist
Suzie
Pain Control Specialist

Suzie is my Pain Control Specialist.  My l little blind Chihuahua is the best comforter when I am struck by a lot of pain.  She snuggles up tighter and makes small sounds that fill me with calm.  She may be small and she may be blind but she is the love of my life and companion that never wants to leave me.  (Even visiting me in the hospital).

George and Cuddles Moral Booster Team
George and Cuddles
Moral Booster Team

And then there are these two guys, George on the left is a Green Cheeked Amazon, and Cuddles (Aka Carlos the South American Terrorist) on the right is a Cherry Head Conure.  They manage to keep me laughing by their silliness and funny calls.  Without them our house would a lot quieter but a lot less fun.

Well there they are my Health Care Team.  You might not want to hire them but to me they are priceless.

Ruth Jewell, ©July 17, 2015

Healing Hands – Prayerful Tuesday

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Jeremiah 33:6a Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them

Hands of God and Adam Creation, Michangelo
Hands of God and Adam
Creation, Michangelo

In 3 days I am going to enter the hospital for back surgery.  This is an eagerly anticipated event because I have been in so much pain for such a long time and this is my best chance at relief.  But it got me thinking about healing and the value of touching and holding those in pain.  It is not uncommon to be afraid to touch or hold a person in pain, either physical or mental pain, because we don’t want to cause them any additional discomfort.  But, when it comes right down to it those of us who suffer chronic pain want to be held. To feel the gentle touch of another person helps us to know we are cared for and loved, that we aren’t forgotten or discarded.  You see there is much power in the touch of the human hand.

The hands of the surgeon will move across my back and do their best to heal the damaged spine.  The hands of the nurses will offer comfort with a warm blanket, a cool cloth for my head, or simply to touch and let me know I am not alone.  My husband’s hands will hold mine before and after surgery and they will convey his love without words even if I am unable to respond to him.  The hands of the physical therapist will hold me and support me as I regain my strength.  The silent touches, hugs, and holding all convey the message of I care for you, I love you, and you are not alone.

My prayer practice for you this week is to be aware of those in need of your healing touch.  Hold those you love in your arms,  give a hug to someone struggling to make it through the day, or gently touch someone’s hand and let them know they aren’t alone.

I also am going to ask for prayers the surgery on Friday, that it will be successful and that I will be relieved of chronic back pain.

Thank you all, blessings and peace for the coming week.

Ruth Jewell, ©July 7, 2015

Shadows – All Hallows Eve, and All Saints Day

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Do you ever wonder what happens to shadows?  I do, sometimes.  I mean where do they go when the sun goes away?  I have lots of shadows that follow me.  I know they are there even though it’s dark and I can’t see them.  It’s like the monsters under the bed. I know they are there even if I shine a light, I know, you see they skitter into the dark corners where the light never goes.

All Hallows Eve is the beginning of the time of year I have the most difficulty with.  These last two months of the year are thin times when memories and shadows come out of the woodwork of my mind. Yes I have shadows and whether good or bad they are there, a part of me, that follows me wherever I go, whatever I do. And I see more shadows every year and they make me sad for what is gone and what I will never see again.

Dad, 18 years old
Dad, 18 years old

There is the shadow that is my father, once tall and strong He carried my on his shoulders and let me snuggle with him in church, and showed me the beauty of the stars and the light show that is the Aurora Borealis. Dad was the one who said “Ruth, you can accomplish whatever you want all you have to do is dream and then go for it.”  He encouraged me, me his scarred and damaged child, to ride horses, plow a field, drive a farm truck when I was twelve, and hold puppies and kittens in arms with all the love I could give.  He taught me to count by having me feed weanling calves, and gave me a bull calf as pet.  In his eyes I could do anything and I could. Even when Dad became ill, and weak, I could still see his strong shadow standing beside him.  At his death his shadow faded into the wind and while wisps of him cling to my memory he has become a distant shadow.

Mom, 18 years old
Mom, 18 years old

Then there is the shadow of my mother.  A lion hearted woman, who fought for me with ever fiber of her being.  This was the woman who fearlessly took on the school board to make sure that I, her oldest daughter, would enter school at age 6. You see I had been badly injured the previous June and was still recovering and the school didn’t want to “deal” with a “disabled” child.  But I started school on time, all because my Mom had the heart of a lioness and you didn’t mess with Mama Lion.

The shadows have followed me, are following me, wherever I go as I travel this path that leads to whatever life will give me. Some are old friends, some not so friendly, but they are mine just the same.  Whenever I turn around I see them jump into those corners.  I see just a hint of them, small smudges of dark, and gray.  For many years I was afraid of the dark, the shadows that lurk there, but, not anymore.  Today I look for them as reminders of days past, friends cherished and lost, puppy hugs and kitten kisses.

Mom and Pippin, 1988
Mom and Pippin, 1988

Today I see them for what they are, memories, shadows that cannot hurt me unless I let them.  I no longer let the shadows rule over me, rather I let them watch as I face the life I have chosen and do what I feel to be right.  I am learning not to let them make me feel guilty for long ago actions that I cannot change and from which I learned much.  I will let the Shadows stay in the dark and I will light a candle to chase them into the corners. Jesus said no one hides their light under a bushel and He’s right.  To hide my light is to let the shadows rule and I’d rather I placed my light in the open to show me the way to go and to keep the dark, the shadows at bay.

Ruth Jewell, ©October 31, 2014

Walking Home With Amelia

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Amelia with her brother Liam and Suzie the Chihuahua
Amelia with her brother Liam and
Suzie, the Chihuahua

 

Amelia is a 5 year old, little girl who is a mixture of tomboy, imp, princess and budding scientist but most of all a Grammy’s delight.  Walking home from school with Amelia is always an adventure.  Today we hadn’t gotten even 100 feet from her school when she bent over and said, “Look Grammy, I found a purple maple seed.”  Amelia hands me the seed and says “now you carry this for me I want to show dad.”  Off she runs to her next exciting stop, which is about 50 feet ahead.  “Look what I can do Grammy,” she said as she runs up a yard to the brick wall and with one heart stopping leap lands safely on the ground in front of me.  “My, my you are so good at jumping,” I said as I pushed my heart back into my chest.

Running ahead of me again she suddenly stops and gets down on her knees, as I walk up to her she is talking to a small ant hill.  “Look how busy they are, Grammy, where are they going so fast?”  “Well,” I tell her, “this is a new ant hill so they are just building it up right now and gathering in some of the leaves for food. Don’t disturb the nest or they will bite.” “Really,” she says as she prepares to test my theory.  “Yes really, and those bites hurt so let’s leave them to their work, OK.”  “Ok,” and she is off again.

“Help me look for snails, Grammy.”  Amelia has a love affair going with snails of every shape and size.  She picks them up and carries them carefully along with her, until, that is, she forgets she has them in the heat of a new discovery and then the snails are old news.  Sometimes she carries them all the way home and we release them into the backyard and into the wild.

Every moment with Amelia is a discovery in a half, every rock a treasure trove, every leaf a rare jewel to be enjoyed. Worms and snails are potential friends or pets to be trained.  We sing songs to stop traffic on our progression across a busy street and she dances down the street to a tune in her head.

Oh the life of a 5 year old, a world of discovery ahead and an imagination that has no boundaries. Where does all of the enthusiasm go to as we grow older?  Is life so trying and stressful that we forget just what it means to be in the moment?  As I watch my little adventurer skip down the sidewalk I am trying to remember what it was like to be that carefree, and find delight in a snail slowly making its way up a wall.

Maybe that is what grandchildren are for, to awaken in each of us that little boy or girl lost in the mists of time.  To remind us of the important things like snails, red leaves, purple maple seeds and sunshine and shadow.  Amelia has reopened a door I thought was shut and locked.  A part of me remembers and dances with my little genius, princess, geologist, archaeologist, biologist, and junk collector as we walk home from school.

Grammy Ruth Jewell, (with Amelia) © June 5, 2014

A Grandma’s Loves

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Grandpa, Liam September 2008
Grandpa and Liam
September 2008

 

Today I sat with
Both my loves
Today I held them
In my arms

 One love is soft and warm
A small bundle of wriggling flesh
A ball of laughter
A tiny hand in mine

One love is tall and strong
Wrinkles where once was firm, smooth skin
An intense love that feeds my needs
A gentle love, drawing me to feed his needs

 Both loves are mine
One is new wonder
The other … fine aged wine

Ruth Jewell, © April 29, 2008

HOME

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Ruth 1:16-17

16But Ruth said,
“Do not press me to leave you
or to turn back from following you!
Where you go, I will go;
Where you lodge, I will lodge;
your people shall be my people,
and your God my God.
 17Where you die, I will die—
there will I be buried.
May the Lord do thus and so to me,
and more as well,
if even death parts me from you!”

John 14:23
23Jesus answered him, “Those who love me will keep my word, and my Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.

2 Corinthians 5:6-9
6So we are always confident; even though we know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord— 7for we walk by faith, not by sight. 8Yes, we do have confidence, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 9So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.

Our book group has been reading and discussing Diana Butler Bass’ book, Christianity After Religion, and in Chapter 6 Bass discusses home and identity.  I actually had trouble with this section because I’m not sure what is home for me.  I mean I have a home; I live in a house, with my husband, one dog, 2 parrots and a seminary student so that isn’t the issue.  What is my question is “what does home mean?” 

I grew up in Ohio and moved to a farm when I was 5 years old so for the next 19 years of my life my “home” was this wonderland place chock full of discoveries, and sadness.  When I was 24 I moved from the farm and began a kind of nomadic life.  I moved every couple of years from home to apartment, state to state, city to city, and moving many times within cities.  My latest move was in 2000, when I was married, and moved into the house I am now living.  When I moved into this house I told John, this was my last move and I would be carried out of here feet first because I wasn’t going to pack up all my “stuff” again!  But, given my past history that may be a wish made on sand and someday I will have to, reluctantly, move from this house. 

When we discussed what was home in our book group I realized I was the only one who had no clear sense of home.  In fact I have no sense of a home town, or place of origin at all.  All of the places I have lived are really far in the past and clouded with time. Does that sound strange to you?  It didn’t to me until I began to listen to the stories of home from others.  For instance my husband can identify one spot as his hometown, St. Charles Iowa.  That is where he was born and grew up and despite not living there for 50 some years he still calls it home. 

I can’t do that; there is no one place I would call home.  Heck, there are times when I drive up my own driveway that I have to remind myself this is my “home” and I belong here.  For me where I am is home.  As long as I have my friends, companion critters and now the family I married into I’m home.  I don’t have relatives to speak of.  My parents have passed on; I haven’t seen any of my family of origin in 40 some years.  The family I have is the family I have created around me, a group of individuals, couples, and families I feel strong connections with.  Not one of them is a blood relative and that is fine with me.  Yet I feel closer to this group than I ever did to my blood relations. 

It is not that they all think like I do because they don’t.  In fact, my guess is we have become friends because we think differently.  But they share something with me that my “own family” never did and that is themselves.  If I need a shoulder to cry on I can count on one of them showing up at my door saying, “Ruth, I had a feeling you needed a friend today.”   Even when great distance separates us I can sense when a good friend needs me to call and talk.  The conversation may be nothing important at all but it means something to my friend and me. I can’t say my own family would ever feel that connected to me.

For me home is where I am, right now, in this place, at this time.  It means for me being with God, family, companions, friends, creation in whatever place or time I am in.  If I had to suddenly leave the place I currently shelter in I can do it.  I would grab what is important: my husband, my companion critters, my backpack throw in my bible and a change of clothes (my vanity wouldn’t let me wear the same underwear two days in a row, I’d add soap as well for cleanliness is next to Godliness),and walk out closing the door behind me.  The stuff in the building is just stuff and can be replaced, none of it is important.  As long as I have those that I love (and a change of underwear) I’m good to go.  Were I end up I’d be HOME.

So I guess I am saying I am “home” wherever I am, I don’t need a specific location to call “home” I just need to feel close to what is important and what is important is love and companionship with those who I love and who love me.  God will not abandon me, where I am God is because I experience God in the love I give and receive.  What else is needed?  Someone once said “home is where your heart is” and maybe what that means is my heart is my home, the ultimate shelter, the ultimate place I meet and live with Love.  I am Home.

Ruth Jewell, ©April 12, 2013

Standing at the Door

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The Open Hearts Door
The Open Hearts Door

Revelation 3:20- “Listen! I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door; I will come in to you and eat with you and you with me.”

For the last four months I have been on an inward journey.  I don’t know where this journey will lead me, although I am hoping it will help me come to some conclusions about ministry. Beginning in September I did mostly silent prayer or, depending on the day and moment, contemplative prayer.  I would sit for 30 minutes to an hour in silence up to three times a day.  I discovered that I was developing a very quiet place somewhere inside and all of the stress and disappointment of the last year were beginning to slip away. As I felt the need I started adding other practices, a bible study, a new interplay class, and a book study.

Through all of this I wrote in my Journal and added to my blog and one of the repeating themes is I am looking at scripture and readings from a very different perspective and the above scripture from Revelation is a good example.

I am fairly confident that all of you have seen the iconic picture of Jesus standing at a door knocking.  Have you looked closely there is no door handle; the door must be opened from the inside.  This passage from Revelation has been bugging me lately so I started taking it apart and trying to visualize it from a different angle.  The one perspective that seems to intrigue me is what if the door is the one into my heart and the person standing on the outside is me, not Jesus.  The door is ajar but I have to make the effort to push it open and walk in and in my meditations I seem to be standing at the entrance unable to move toward the door.  Sort of like the rodent in one of Rudyard Kipling books where it won’t go into the center of the room but always creeps around the edges.

The reason this perspective seems to be so important is 1) I have always believed part of the creator already resides within me, and for that matter within all of creation; 2) the place behind the door to my heart, or hearts door, represents for me my deepest level of spirituality.  It is the place that knows me best, the good and the bad, and offers forgiveness and grace even when I do not acknowledge it.    So, to me, it makes perfect sense that in the room behind the hearts door I will find G-d because G-d is the root, or grounding, of my very being and where I want to be.  But I am afraid to cross the threshold.

So what does it mean if I am the one outside of my hearts door?  First of all it means that
G-d/Jesus/Holy Spirit is waiting for me to acknowledge the Divine Presence and that that recognition means I am giving up some of the control of my life over to the true being within.  The acknowledging part is fairly easy, but, crossing the threshold and entering into full communion with the Divine is a lot harder.   There are risks to crossing into that sacred place, for one thing I would have to let go of my ego, and many of my desires, such asto always be at the top of everything.  Sometimes the Holy Spirit wants me to be second, third or even last at some task because it challenges me to look deeper at who I am and who I want to be. Because of my unwillingness to let go of my ego, I have spent most of my 65 years standing outside the chamber behind my hearts door and it has resulted in a life where hard lessons are learned and travels on rocky roads are my only choices. I had to hit rock bottom before I could accept that I could not live this life alone, I needed help; I needed love, grace, and forgiveness in order to become who I am.

Fourteen years ago I was at that rock bottom place and my path choices weren’t looking all that appealing.  I have always wondered why we have to be at the worst possible crossroad in order to recognize the grace and forgiveness of G-d, but it does and I am no exception.  Just like John of the Cross I was having my own “dark night of the soul.” It wasn’t until all light in my life had disappeared that I called out to G-d, crossed the threshold and entered into the arms of the Divine.

One result of my turning this scripture around so I stand at the door instead of Jesus is that I become the one to initiate contact with G-d.  G-d, Holy Spirit, Jesus becomes the force that waits for me to decide how, and when I will respond to their call.  I choose to cross the threshold or walk away.  Granted I have had a great deal of preparation for that moment in my life but a willingness to risk everything on an invisible (and to some non-existent) entity does not make the choice any easier.  Maybe that is why it takes those “dark nights” for us to make the choice to let our lives be lead by the Divine.  Unless we have only two choices, life or death, before us we won’t choose life.  We will continue to walk without the guidance of G‑d because that path seems easier to walk than the one G-d and there are so of those distractions to choose from.  But that is an illusion.

I must admit to a lot of darting out the door only to return with bowed head asking for forgiveness.  I am always amazed at the joy the Divine exhibits at the return of this wayward child. I know I am blessed by grace because I can fail G-ds expectations over and over again and return over and over again and I will be welcomed home just as the prodigal son was, with fatted calf and celebration.

See G-d wants us to be inside that sacred room and whenever we leave, the Divine keeps the fires burning for our return.  I like to think that hot chocolate and double chocolate chip cookies are waiting for me to communion with the ground of my being.  All I have to do is cross the threshold.

Ruth Jewell, ©December 29, 2012

TOO OLD?

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Genesis 12:1-4   1Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you.2I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.3I will bless those who bless you, and the one who curses you I will curse; and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.”

4So Abram went, as the Lord had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he departed from Haran.

What does it mean to be “too old?”  That is a question I have been pondering for the last several weeks.   In early September I was supposed to travel to Switzerland to begin a four and half month period of study at the Ecumenical Institute in Bossey.  I was accepted to the program by both the Ecumenical Institute and the University of Geneva all that I needed to complete the paper work was a visa for a temporary student residency from the Canton of Vaud.  Unfortunately the letter I did receive was that they were going to deny me a visa because I was over the age of 30 (I’m 65) and they normally didn’t give temporary student residency visa to those over 30.  They said I was already in the work force and therefore didn’t need to expand my learning skills.  Needless to say I was stunned at the letter and even though I appealed this decision they still denied me entry. 

I do not feel “old.”  In fact I have just completed my Master’s of Divinity Degree and am looking forward to whatever G-d has planned for me.  I still don’t know what that is but I’m sure G-d does.  So am I at 65 old?  Well yes, I am older than those in their 30’s or 40’s or 50’s but does that mean I should go and sit in a rocking chair?  I do have a very nice one and I love to sit in it and read but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life doing that. I think G-d has more planned for me and that is something I have often felt when a change is in the air.   In fact I was adding up how many different careers I’ve had in the last 40 years and I think this is my 5th one.  This Masters degree is my second one and the one I am the most fond of, the one I feel the most blessed to have achieved.   I worked hard and earned this degree, it was never handed to me just because I was the oldest one in the room.  So when do we stop learning, when do we become unable to be a gift to those around us, to all creation?

 I don’t believe we ever stop learning or growing if we have the desire to do so.  I don’t believe that G-d ever intended us to stop being partners in creation.  The G-d I know doesn’t have a retirement plan and we never become redundant in the eyes of the Holy Spirit.  In scripture it is rare for a young person to be the one called on by God.  Abram, Sarah, Jacob, Moses, even Jesus were well into their adult years when they were called to be messengers and founders of our faith.  Mohammed and the Buddha were also called late in life.  It takes living to be able to understand the difficulties, joy, tears, and beauty of what it means to respond to a call of the Spirit.  I’m not saying someone in their 20’s can’t do it, I’m simply saying in general the more life we experience the more compassion and patience we have and the more willing we are to offer mercy. 

As a young adult I was very quick to make judgments and did not worrying about the consequences.  As I’ve grown older I recognize what is really important in my life, allowing the smaller more insignificant things to simply take care of themselves.  I have also learned that what I thought was important was not and that the important things are fewer but more precious.

I have since learned that age discrimination is not at all uncommon in Europe and that people who are of a “certain” age must retire and stop being productive citizens of the community.  Age discrimination is also common in this country, but, we are changing simply because within the next 10 years there will be more people over the age of 65 than those who are younger.  We in America are beginning to recognize the value of working long after what our parents and grandparents understood as retirement.  I am at the beginning of the Baby-Boomer generation and those that come after me will rewrite the rules for what it means to grow old.

A growing life does not stop unless you turn away from it and let it die and I have seen that happen.  I have seen educated productive individuals accept the image of age put on them, and let their advantage of wisdom wither on the vine.  I however refuse to let that happen to me.  I “will not go gently into that dark night” as Dylan Thomas so beautifully states it.  God is not through with me yet.  The Holy Spirit still has work for me and still speaks through me and my life.  I will not let some small minded bureaucrat in some small office in Switzerland decide for me when I am no longer useful to my world. 

So listen up people!  Life is never done until you close your eyes for the last time and only G-d knows that date.  Until then don’t listen to those who belittle you for being older.  Stand up and be counted among the partners of G-d.  Never stop learning; open a book, learn a new trade, start a new career.  Our bodies may no longer let us do the physical work we once did but that doesn’t mean our minds have to diminish. Apply your hard earned years of wisdom to those who need it most.  We, who have walked many rocky paths, have much compassion, justice and mercy to offer those who struggle in this world.  Offer your wisdom and enthusiasm for life to them, they will be grateful.  By the grace of the Holy Spirit we are a force to be reckoned with if we recognize the power we have in the life we give to others.  Don’t waste it by sitting in that offered rocking chair; life is too precious for that.

Ruth Jewell, ©October 8, 2012