I watched a PBS program the other night about Shakespeare’s Macbeth and one insight of the host made me sit up and take notice. The play of Macbeth, as Shakespeare tells it, is about the ego. You see Macbeth let his own and his wife’s ego control his life and I resonate with that. As of late I am wrestling with my own ego issues. Now I doubt I am going to go and kill anyone to get ahead, although metaphorically speaking I may have done that already, but right now I am trying to separate my desires from the desires of God. To be honest I don’t think I’m doing a very good job. The question I ask myself (ok questions) ‘is what I want what God wants for me and from me,’ or ‘am I telling God what I want and just assuming that it is what God wants to do.’
You see telling the difference between those two things is really very difficult. God doesn’t speak in direct ways. Rather, God speaks through the voices of those I love, the actions of others, or my own emotional response to things, but God never makes a telephone call, writes an e-mail, or even makes a Facebook® post, as much as I would appreciate that. Sitting in silence and letting go of my expectations is wonderful but how long do I sit before I begin to wonder if anyone listening?
So how do proceed? Well for me it is learning (and re-learning over and over again) patience and letting go of the necessity to be anything other than who I am. That doesn’t mean I have no ambition it just means that I begin by changing how I view the world around me. Is the world here for my benefit or am I here for the worlds? If I am here to benefit the world than what I do should provide those around me with the love, compassion, kindness, justice and peace that God calls me to offer without expecting a reward or recognition. For me, as I’m sure everyone else, that is hard to do, we are, after all, ‘required’ to list our skills and what we have done with those skills whenever we apply for job or even volunteer. I’m not sure putting down my skill as “walking with God” (Micah 6:8) is enough for most people. So that is my dilemma, how do tell the difference between “walking with God” and a desire for getting ahead in this world.
Life is rarely simple and well defined and looking for answers by sitting and listening for a ‘word’ from God is not an easy thing to do. Currently, I am in one of the proverbial ‘dry places’ in my prayer and spiritual life that happens to all of us. I am questioning whether God is even listening to me, or even if there is a God. Such questions and doubts are difficult to face and are frightening to think I may have wasted my life in pursuit of God. All I can do is continue to sit in silence and wait; to practice praying the scriptures and pray for an insight; and to pray the call of blind Bartimaeus “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me” (Mark 10:42). Instead of worrying about not ‘hearing’ from God I ‘should’ understand this is a time for me to rest and let silence enfold me and let the silence create its own richness and prayers that I cannot speak. And maybe I have to remember that I do not have to pursue God. God actually sits near by waiting for me to surrender my ego and open the eyes of my heart to that Divine presence. It is remembering prayer isn’t about receiving answers it is about sitting with God, creating space for God to move in my life in ways my ego will never understand.
Roman 6:1-11 What then are we to say? Should we continue in sin in order that grace may abound? 2By no means! How can we who died to sin go on living in it? 3Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4Therefore we have been buried with him by baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life. 5For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. 6We know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be destroyed, and we might no longer be enslaved to sin. 7For whoever has died is freed from sin. 8But if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. 10The death he died, he died to sin, once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. 11So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.
Matthew 10:24-39 ‘A disciple is not above the teacher, nor a slave above the master;25it is enough for the disciple to be like the teacher, and the slave like the master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebul, how much more will they malign those of his household! 26 ‘So have no fear of them; for nothing is covered up that will not be uncovered, and nothing secret that will not become known. 27What I say to you in the dark, tell in the light; and what you hear whispered, proclaim from the housetops. 28Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.* 29Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground unperceived by your Father. 30And even the hairs of your head are all counted. 31So do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows. 32 ‘Everyone therefore who acknowledges me before others, I also will acknowledge before my Father in heaven; 33but whoever denies me before others, I also will deny before my Father in heaven.34 ‘Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to set a man against his father,and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; 36 and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household. 37Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; 38and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.
For 10 years I was an environmental consultant performing Human Health and Ecological risk assessments for the military and private concerns. One of the uses of my reports was to define what would be the cost of a cleanup of a contaminated site both as risk of exposure and monetary cost of cleanup. The EPA has a basic cleanup target of 1 in 10000 chances of illness or death from exposure to contaminated soil, water, or air. Of course all is negotiable but that is what is desired. The EPA doesn’t really care about cost but companies do and so does the military. Cleanup is not popular with those who own the property. There is a balancing act that goes on at the negotiation table between the EPA and the owners of the property. The property owners want to remove as little as possible to keep cost down and the EPA wants as much removed as possible to keep risk down. When you add in resident and ecological groups to the mix you probably get some idea of how complicated such negotiations can be. But the key word is negotiable.
Matthew writes in this passage what the cost of discipleship will be for those who follow in the path of Jesus. He tells his community what the risks are when you commit to following Jesus’ teaching and he doesn’t mince any words and the cost is not negotiable. For those who are faithful to God and Christ will face criticism, be misunderstood, run out town, and face death at the hands of the Romans just as Jesus did. How is that for a recruiting statement? I can hear the thought of a potential follower now. “Ok, my family will disown me, I will most likely be run out of town on rail, I will have my words twisted around to mean something other than what I said, and the Romans are going to kill me, tell me again why I should sign up for this.” If a follower of the WAY ever thought about the risks they wouldn’t sign up. I mean would you give up everything to go out and teach others about the WAY of Jesus. Would you give up the king-size bed, the running water, the clean clothes, or 3 meals a day? What is amazing to me is that anyone actually did and I am grateful to those who had, and have, the courage to walk that difficult path.
Matthew wanted his community to understand those risks while having the courage to choose a way of life that would be difficult but result in a life lived within God as found in the life of Jesus. Matthew’s words challenge us to stand up for injustice just as Jesus did. To use our voice to speak for those who are silenced. To live a life of compassion and peace towards everyone no matter how different they may be from us; from a different culture or socio-economic class, differently abled, or differently gendered, or (and this is the hard part) even if they have done harm to us or someone we love. Matthew says we are called to right injustice even at the expense of our own comfort, reputation, relationships, financial security, or even our lives. That is a hard decision to make and I know I (as a risk assessor and a seminary student) that discernment before that decision to be baptized and commit to that life is often very difficult. And let’s face it the reasons to proceed are not all that well laid out. So where do we find some answers.
Well before Matthew wrote his Gospel Paul wrote a letter of introduction to the Roman community and in that letter we have this short passage that summarizes reasons for following the WAY and those reasons are just as valid today as they were in the 1st century. Following the WAY was dangerous and even Paul doesn’t deny that but the benefit is a life lived into love.
Paul tells the Romans, and us, that when we commit ourselves to being baptized we are baptized into the death and resurrection of Christ. Just as Christ died to sin and lives to God we are to recognize our baptism as dying to sin and living into God. Notice I didn’t say Christ died FOR our sins, Paul did not believe Jesus died because God wanted a sacrifice for our sins. No, Jesus death on the cross saves us because God overcame and said No to sin through his resurrection of Christ. God’s message of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection was to reconcile those who are separated from God back into those loving arms. Called Atonement, or better still “at-one-ment,” reconciliation is the means of re-membering those who have spent their lives lost in a wilderness far from God back into the body of God through Christ.
When Paul writes “So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus” he is talking about saying no to sin and moving toward God as experienced in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. Marcus Borg and John Dominic Crossan in their book Meeting Paul open the verse 6:3-4 to a new insight
“all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4Therefore we have been buried with him by baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.”
We are graced with newness of life that includes a transformed way we see our world. A commitment leading to the ritual sacrament of Baptism results in a “renewing of [our] minds.” We being to see the world differently, living our lives into a richer and fuller life in love. We no longer see the world as other and different from ourselves but rather we see ourselves and the world as part of the body of God and Christ.
For Matthew, for Paul and for us these changes and commitments have political implications. It means we as followers of the WAY are to stand against the “wisdom of this world” as it is known today. We are to refuse to follow a path that results in harm, injustice, or death for anyone, whether we agree with them or not.
That is hard to do, I know it is hard for me. I too have watched the news and read the papers about mass shootings, people who demonize the poor and needy and I get angry. Sometimes I say things I might regret because I want them punished; you see I also forget they are part of God’s body. As a consultant I tried to tell the truth as I calculated it and saw it but I dealt with people who had very different agendas from mine. I grew frustrated and angry at people who only looked at the “bottom line” or a single unachievable number instead of considering how what they had done, and will do, affects those who live in the area, human and ecological. I wanted things to change and it wasn’t until I realized that the change must begin with me that I knew what I would do. I had to stop seeing the world with a “bottom line” perspective because all of creation, human and non-human are simply too important..
In Matthew Jesus says “Those who find their life will lose it and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.” The life I lost is the one that holds tight to the world I see in the news reports while the life I gain is a life lived in relationship with God. While I often forget that I try to remember, what all of us need to remember are these words of Jesus’ “Do not be afraid … I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
Amelia with her brother Liam and Suzie, the Chihuahua
Amelia is a 5 year old, little girl who is a mixture of tomboy, imp, princess and budding scientist but most of all a Grammy’s delight. Walking home from school with Amelia is always an adventure. Today we hadn’t gotten even 100 feet from her school when she bent over and said, “Look Grammy, I found a purple maple seed.” Amelia hands me the seed and says “now you carry this for me I want to show dad.” Off she runs to her next exciting stop, which is about 50 feet ahead. “Look what I can do Grammy,” she said as she runs up a yard to the brick wall and with one heart stopping leap lands safely on the ground in front of me. “My, my you are so good at jumping,” I said as I pushed my heart back into my chest.
Running ahead of me again she suddenly stops and gets down on her knees, as I walk up to her she is talking to a small ant hill. “Look how busy they are, Grammy, where are they going so fast?” “Well,” I tell her, “this is a new ant hill so they are just building it up right now and gathering in some of the leaves for food. Don’t disturb the nest or they will bite.” “Really,” she says as she prepares to test my theory. “Yes really, and those bites hurt so let’s leave them to their work, OK.” “Ok,” and she is off again.
“Help me look for snails, Grammy.” Amelia has a love affair going with snails of every shape and size. She picks them up and carries them carefully along with her, until, that is, she forgets she has them in the heat of a new discovery and then the snails are old news. Sometimes she carries them all the way home and we release them into the backyard and into the wild.
Every moment with Amelia is a discovery in a half, every rock a treasure trove, every leaf a rare jewel to be enjoyed. Worms and snails are potential friends or pets to be trained. We sing songs to stop traffic on our progression across a busy street and she dances down the street to a tune in her head.
Oh the life of a 5 year old, a world of discovery ahead and an imagination that has no boundaries. Where does all of the enthusiasm go to as we grow older? Is life so trying and stressful that we forget just what it means to be in the moment? As I watch my little adventurer skip down the sidewalk I am trying to remember what it was like to be that carefree, and find delight in a snail slowly making its way up a wall.
Maybe that is what grandchildren are for, to awaken in each of us that little boy or girl lost in the mists of time. To remind us of the important things like snails, red leaves, purple maple seeds and sunshine and shadow. Amelia has reopened a door I thought was shut and locked. A part of me remembers and dances with my little genius, princess, geologist, archaeologist, biologist, and junk collector as we walk home from school.
When you were born, everyone was laughing but you were crying. Live your life so that when you die, everyone is crying, but you are laughing (Islamic hadith)
Today March 11, 2014 is my birthday and let me get this right out front; birthdays are not my favorite days in the year! I do have a reason, and to most people it seems weird. You see my family of origin just didn’t put an emphasis on birthdays. If we were lucky my mother might bake a cake, or in my case a pie, but other than that we just didn’t mention our natal day. As an adult I chose to use my day as a day for reflection, taking the time to think about the past year, what I’ve done or could have done and what I would like to do in next year. It has become for me my time to remember family events, the good and the bad. But most people think there should be a party or some kind of celebration.
I am wary of people inviting me to their homes on my birthday because inevitably there will be a surprise party with all the trimmings. When the word “surprise” is shouted out I, being the introvert that I am, want to crawl under a bed and stay there until all the hoopla is over with. I actually hate opening presents because the giver is waiting with such expectations of my joy over their gift. Unfortunately, there have been way too many gifts where I smile and say “oh how lovely, thank you”, and I’m thinking “what the heck is this and what is it used for.”
But my mother taught me, and I do believe this, each gift is a given in love and love must always be received with joy. I’m not the best thank you card writer, but will send them to people I can’t thank personally, but coming up with the right words for a gift I can’t recognize is always difficult. My mother’s lessons on receiving gifts is the reason I have stuff in closets of my house I have been caring around for 60 or so years from state to state, house to house, and I still don’t know what they are or what to do with them. I can’t remember who gave them to me but they were given in love and therefore I keep them.
So while I prefer to have a quiet reflective day I am married to someone who thinks all birthdays should be grand celebrations. His family made a big deal of birthdays and they had parties with all the trimmings, just the opposite of mine so I too must join in the fun. So I try to live up to his and his family’s expectations of joy and surprise. I try, I really do. For him and his family’s birthdays I bake a cake and make the day special, because I love them and they get great joy out of the celebration. And, bless their hearts they just can’t understand my reluctance to celebrate my day in the same way they do.
Now don’t get me wrong, I appreciate all of the Happy Birthdays I receive. It is nice to have someone stop me and say “Happy Birthday, I hope you have a great day,” it’s just that my idea of a great day is different from everyone else’s ideas. So please tell me Happy Birthday, but, don’t expect me to tell you I’m doing something exciting because my idea of an “exciting Birthday” is sitting curled up on the couch, wrapped in a warm blanket, my dog asleep on my lap, a cup of green tea beside me, and reading a good book. That is the perfect gift for me.
So I have to go now because my husband wants to take me to lunch to a restaurant of my choice, probably Wendy’s or IHOP (I told you I was weird). But I am going to steer him to Home Depot where I can pick up the lumber and compost I need for a new raised garden bed. I am hoping the weather will hold today so that I can put it together and set it up. If I get that done, that will make this a very good birthday.
So, thank you for all of your birthday wishes, they are appreciated. And may all of you have a wonderful day in your own way.
Sermon, Queen Anne Christian Church
February 9, 2014
I was supposed to preach yesterday, but because of snow all of the streets to the church were closed. You see Queen Anne Christian Church is at the top of Queen Anne Hill and the wise DOT decided it was too dangerous for people to drive up either side of the hill, therefore church was cancelled. So instead I will offer my sermon here. Enjoy
Matthew 5:13-20 (NRSV)
13 “You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has lost its taste, how can its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything, but is thrown out and trampled underfoot.
14 “You are the light of the world. (Isa. 49:6) A city built on a hill cannot be hid. 15 No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lamp stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.
17 “Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets; I have come not to abolish but to fulfill. 18 For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth pass away, not one letter, [a] not one stroke of a letter, will pass from the law until all is accomplished. 19 Therefore, whoever breaks[b] one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, will be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20 For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
In one of the early classes I took with Father Raschko at STM there was this long discussion about the differences between each of the 4 Gospels. You know, Mark was written first, then Matthew and Luke, who used Mark as a blue print, and John was last and totally different. Now Father Raschko is a Mark scholar and he loves Mark. The Gospel of Matthew is OK, but in the words of Father Raschko Matthew was out to correct all of the mistakes Mark had made. I, in my first or second year enthusiasm decided to sit down and compare them to see if he was right. Silly me
I have to admit after reading both of them I discovered I loved the Gospel of Mark. I mean there is that whole messianic message mystery thing he has going on. You get to the end, all the endings, and it says go back to the beginning, it’s a mystery and who doesn’t love a mystery. But I found I truly loved the Gospel of Matthew.
Matthew doesn’t write about mystery, well not the way Mark does anyway. He writes about an itinerate Jewish Rabbi, he places Jesus within the historical and cultural landscape of God’s very own people. In Matthew’s Gospel he connects the Hebrew Scriptures and the peoples own history to what Jesus did to fulfill the scripture. He writes about doing: about being intentional as a follower of Jesus. In a lot of ways the Gospel Matthew is a Do-It-Yourself manual for how to become a follower of Jesus. Matthew connects the actions of Jesus to the law and the prophets. He expected his own community of first century Christians to do the same.
In today’s scripture Jesus gives an introduction to what the mission of his disciples and followers will be. With the words “you are salt, and you are light” He identifies the ground rules for someone who wishes to become one of his followers. Jesus doesn’t say you should be salt, or you might be light, no, he is telling his disciples, the crowd and us, we are salt and we are light for the communities we live in. It was the disciples and now it is you and I that is to add the goodness into the lives of those we meet, provide balance and savoriness in our communities, just as salt does for the foods we eat. It is us, you and me, who are to intentionally disrupt the status quo and care for the dispossessed, and those who are hungry and ill. We are to work for justice and show mercy, and be peacemakers, other words we are to stand up for what we believe with no expectations of ever being rewarded. Just as salt does its job without announcing its presence in the food we eat we are to do all these things not to bring ourselves recognition but because that is just what we are supposed to do. Just as salt is hidden within our food bringing brightness and goodness to the final product, Jesus wants us as his followers to hide within the community and bring brightness and goodness to the world around us. To do otherwise means we have lost our saltiness and not helpful to the work needed by the Kingdom of God.
Jesus then recalls the prophet Isaiah who says:
I will give you as a light to the nations,
that my salvation may reach to the end of the earth.” (49:6b)
Jesus tells his disciples “you are the light of the world, to both Jew and Gentile, and you can’t hide the light. We too are to let the light shine. This means we are not just salt and supposed to care for others, fight for justice, extend mercy and be peacemakers without an expectation of a reward we are to be the mirror that reflects God’s light into the darkness we humans so frequently to gather within and around us. We are to reflect the graciously given gift of God’s light within ourselves to illuminate the darkness in our own souls. To recognize and open the dark spaces within our souls so that we are better able to reflect God’s light outward to those around us so they too may live in Gods loving light.
We are to let the light shine without focusing the light on ourselves. We are to care for those around us and to carefully walk with God, not in front, but alongside. We have to take all the good acts we see being done in the world and go one step farther. And that means it is not in what we say we do, it is in what we DO that is important. Jesus wants us to be intentionally active in whatever way we are called to be, not sitting on the couch or watching others. We are to be the advocate for the voiceless, the homeless, and the dispossessed. It also means just like a mirror we are only the glass that reflects the glory of God and the Kingdom of God. We are to be behind the light being the lens that focus’ the beam on who those needing the light.
We are to be advocates for social justice, advocates for the hungry, the homeless, the incarcerated, and advocates for peace but we are to say “we have done nothing; it is God working through us that has done these things.” This is where those Matthew called “scribes and Pharisees” got it wrong. Yes they did good works but they made sure everyone knew it. God’s command is we are to do good acts because it’s the right thing to do, not inflate our own ego’s
Today we have modern “scribes and Pharisees” who do the same thing and sometimes I’m one of them. The hardest thing for me to do is setting aside my own ego and let God stand in front of me, you see I don’t always like taking a back seat. I must admit that I am all too often a card carrying member of the Pharisee club and I am not proud of that. I am sure I am not alone in being a member we are, after all, humans, who make choices sometimes there are good ones and sometimes not so good. It is a good day when I intentionally start it with the words “today I am the mirror, I am the salt.
“Do not urge me to leave you,
to turn back from following you.
Wherever you go, I will go;
and wherever you stay, I will stay.
Your people will be my people,
and your God will be my God. 17Wherever you die, I will die,
and there I will be buried.
May the Lord do this to me
and more so,
if even death separates me from you!”
Just over 13 years ago these beautiful words from scripture were read at my wedding. I have always loved the book of Ruth, and yes one reason is because I was named for her, but, primarily I love it because Ruth took her destiny into her own hands and made a place for herself among strangers. Like the biblical Ruth my own life has been one of making my place in strange places and with strangers all around me. My wedding was just one of the many steps along my journey to find the face of God.
Now I really don’t want this rambling to be about John and me rather I want to tell you the best part of my marriage, our grandchildren. Ok, so they are John’s grandchildren not mine, but the youngest ones have known only me as Grammy Ruth and I love them and their parents as much as if they were my blood relations. And, I have watched with great joy as the two older ones Granddaughter S and Grandson A grow into loving adults.
Recently John, me and our little Chihuahua Suzie spent a joyous week in Boston with John’s son M and daughter-in-law LB and the littlest grandchildren, Grandson L and Granddaughter A. John’s birthday is January 17th and he shares it with L who turned 7 this year, so for the first time they decided to celebrate their birthdays together. Watching L as he opened gifts, as he gently held our little dog Suzie, and talked excitedly about everything was a pleasure all its own. Holding little A and reading a story to her, playing games, watching as she and her brother played, and squabbled, and listening to giggles, laughter and tears put me in a place of bliss that I can’t really describe to you.
I watched as M and LB did a ballet of sorts as they prepared breakfast and got the kids ready for school. As I listened I realized just how much M and John sound alike and how much grandson L is growing into a young man so like his father and grandfather. Granddaughter A has inherited her mother’s artistic talents which she combines with her father’s and Papa John’s determination to succeed and do it well. Even though she is only 4½ she is determined to dance and draw her life in her own way.
I said my journey was to find the face of God and I do, in all of creation including people. The most important Faces of God I see is when I look at John early in the morning just before rising, in the faces of M and LB when I spot them waiting for us to come from the plane. I see God’s face in the sleeping, laughing, crying, and determined faces of Grandson L and Granddaughter A. I hear God laugh and giggle when Granddaughter A dances and runs in play. I hear God’s voice when I listen to LB and John talk in the kitchen doing clean up from dinner. I hear God’s voice as Grandson L talks with so much certainty about how something works in his 7 year old world and see God at work as he figures out how to build a new structure of some sort.
This is the wedding gift that never stops giving. I have found a place here in the midst of strangers. I have found people I love. After much searching I have found where I belong. I have been welcomed and accepted as family and been blessed with the love from John’s 3 sons and 4 grandchildren. I have watched the two oldest grow into strong adults where a future of unknown adventures lies before them. I have held in my arms Grandson L and Granddaughter A as newborns and offered my blessings and prayers for God to watch over them.
I have watched each of the grandchildren grow into people I want know. All of them are young people who question everything and when no one can give them an answer they go in search for it. Even if Grandson L and Granddaughter A might not believe in a Divine force, they know they have a Grammy who sees that Divine force whenever she looks into their eyes. It is in the question of why does Grammy believes what she does that opens a door to their own journey of discovery of who they are and where they fit in.
My blessed babies, who are babies no longer, have begun their own journeys. Someday they too will say “wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you stay, I will stay.” That day lies long in the future but time passes quickly and before you know it they will be searching for what they believe. My prayer for all four of the Grandchildren is they find what feeds their souls with love, compassion, mercy and a passion for justice. I pray they build a life that gives more than it takes, a life open to the blessings of God whether they call Her God or not.
9I say to God, my rock, “Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I walk about mournfully because the enemy oppresses me?” 10As with a deadly wound in my body, my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me continually, “Where is your God?” 11Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my help and my God.
I have to admit I haven’t always lead an exemplary life and the life I have led has been on roads and paths G-d might have preferred me to avoid. Those bumpy roads led me to places where I felt abandoned and alone. But, I have to remember that I choose those roads, I choose to ignore the sacred voice within and live outside of G-d’s love. I choose to be there, even when the event that got me there was none of my doing I still choose NOT to recognize I wasn’t alone. I couldn’t or wouldn’t see G‑d walking beside me every step of the way. I choose to see only darkness; I simply refused to see the luminous darkness that was G-d.
Yes I blamed G-d for all the bad events in my life, isn’t that what every human does? As a human being I saw the worst and assumed the worst. I rolled around in my self-pity, yelling at G-d that life was unfair and therefore G-d either didn’t exist or didn’t care what happened to me. I yelled at G-d telling her “why are you doing this to me, why aren’t you there for me, why am I so alone.” I was so busy trying to run from those comforting arms that I never recognized that it was G-d holding me up, that Jesus was the one helping my broken spirit and that the Holy Spirit was trying to dry my tears. Because I did not recognize G-d I was afraid, so afraid. My bones shook with fear until I thought they would break. I could not see that what happened to me were the consequences I had to experience and live through in order to find my way back to a better place.
It wasn’t until I ran out of tears, ran out of words, until I ran out of myself that I was able to open the door and let you in, G-d. Only then, O Divine One, did I feel your presence and finally rest in your outstretched arms. I was still afraid, but I wasn’t alone any longer. My fear was not as frightening because I knew you were there, and I know it now, in this moment of time I now live.
Why do I put myself through all of that? Why do any of us? Is the struggle to return to you G-d after I have rejected you so important to my understanding of you as unconditional love? Well I think I know the answer to that question and it is yes. Yes it is important to walk through the darkness in order to see the light. Sometimes I have to test my own limits before I learn that you have no limits.
You, Oh G-d, will always welcome me back when I have strayed from your side. I know you are always there in the dark with me but my eyes are blinded by your startling bright light and I cannot see. Because I can’t see I fear you’ve left me to stumble in the darkness. It is only when I regain some hope that you are there, that my eyesight begins to clear. When I choose to hope, I choose you, oh G-d. It is when I choose not to recognize you, there beside me, that I become hopeless and unable to see your glory all around me.
So I will choose hope, I chose you oh G-d, I am choosing you G-d. I have made my choice and I choose to live in your light, your love, your hope. Will I sometimes forget that choice, probably? In some future time I will again fail to see your presence in the dark and you will be there walking right beside me. You will not leave me alone even if I believe you have. But the big difference now is I know you forgive, I know you offer me grace and I will fall into your arms when the tears and words run out and you will comfort me.
O patient G-d I am grateful for your presence, even when I push you away. Grant me my moments of struggle and suffering even though you suffer with me because, in my suffering I discover again your amazing love. Amen
God moves in a mysterious way his wonders to perform words by Wm Cowper Picture by NASA
Isaiah 41:17-20
17When the poor and needy seek water,
and there is none,
and their tongue is parched with thirst,
I the Lord will answer them,
I the God of Israel will not forsake them.
18I will open rivers on the bare heights,
and fountains in the midst of the valleys;
I will make the wilderness a pool of water,
and the dry land springs of water.
19I will put in the wilderness the cedar,
the acacia, the myrtle, and the olive;
I will set in the desert the cypress,
the plane and the pine together,
20so that all may see and know,
all may consider and understand,
that the hand of the Lord has done this,
the Holy One of Israel has created it.
Advent, a time of waiting, a gestation time of new beginnings, I have heard those words many times over many Advents. And, while all this waiting is important I have a confession to make, I hate waiting! Yes, my impatience frequently gets me into trouble, with G-d and with those around me. I begin before the preparation has been completed and my task, while not a total failure, does not live up to its potential. Patience is not one of the gifts G-d has seen fit to give me. It is something I have been trying to learn for 66 years and I am still not very good at it.
I admit to being one of those thirsty people in the desert who wants to have water and I want now! If I had been with the Israelites in the Sinai I would have marched right up to Moses and said “I’m thirsty, I need water and I need it now!” And I am sure Moses would have looked at me with a jaundiced eye and said “get a grip; learn some patience for crying out loud. You are out of Egypt so be grateful for what you have and quite complaining!” Yep that would have been me hearing those words. Yet in Isaiah we hear that G-d will provide water and more to those who are poor and in need and it is not lost on me that G-d came through with food and water during the Exodus. So yes I do believe G-d, in Her own good Time and Way, will provide.
The key to this waiting is “in Her own good Time and Way” G-d will offer the drink and food we need and it’s always in that perfect moment. The moment when we not only need it the most but the moment when we are open the widest for hearing G-d’s voice speak the Word we so desperately thirst and hunger for.
For the last two and half years I have been in my own time of Advent, walking in a wilderness of my own making as I waited for G-d to give me a Word I could respond to about where my ministry would take me. And in that time there have been many impatient moments. Many times I have tried to hurry G‑d. I have tried to guess what She will speak and tried starting a task with no direction from Her. It rarely works out because you cannot hurry G-d. G-d will speak when the time is right, when my heart is open the widest to hear G-d speak and not before.
Through out this time G-d has been allowing a ministry to begin gestating within me. To grow in concept piece by piece, step by step while at the same time letting G-d open me up to whom I am and who She is. I am learning that G‑d is my greatest counselor, friend, lover, supporter, confidant, comforter, and confessor. All I have to do is live a life that puts G-d first, keep our relationship strong and allowing the counselor, friend, lover, supporter, confidant, comforter, and confessor work through me in a working partnership with Her.
It seems as if it would be easy to do what G-d asks of us doesn’t it? But it is not. Ask the Israelites how hard it was to follow the path G-d laid before them. Ask the disciples how hard it was to walk the path Jesus laid before them. Each one will tell you it is not easy. Yes G-d will provide for the poor and needy but verse 41:20 of Isaiah says it best. We are to “… see and know … consider and understand, that the hand of the Lord has done this, the Holy One of Israel has created it.” We fail hopelessly in that understanding. All too often we take G-d’s handiwork for granted and do not see what the Lord does for us. I, just like the rest of the human race, all too often think we are entitled to the abundance we see around us. We forget just where and who it comes from, where and from whom we come from. It has taken me a life time to understand in a small way the meaning of verse 20. And, it has only been in the last year and half that I have worked hardest to be patient and to let G-d speak when She is ready and not me.
And now G-d is bringing me closer to an understanding of what my role as Her partner will be. And, somehow I feel it is appropriate that G-d picked Advent for this to happen, the time for me to begin to feel the movement of a baby ministry within me. I am excited and scared about bringing into reality this ministry of my very own. It takes courage for me to step out and claim my role as G-d partner a courage I do not always have. I have many fears; will I be worthy of G-ds trust, will I hurry this up and as a result rush to completion what needed time to grow, will I give up saying “sorry G-d this to hard for me,” will I simply not be enough for the task. There are so many fears, so much excitement, and so many hopes. The future I do not know, only G-d does, so I will keep waiting, and listening, and moving with G-d’s time and moments. Patience is really hard but I continue to learn to lean into the open arms and let G-d teach me.
This Week’s Spiritual Practice
Do you have something waiting to emerge from you? Waiting is hard (just ask any 4 year old) but it can be done. So this week I simply ask that each day you find yourself a quiet place and sit in silence for 5 to 20 minutes. Listen for a Word from G-d. It might be a Word about doing something, or it might be G-d whispering “I love you.” Just remember whatever happens let it happen in G-d’s time not yours and be grateful for the time spent with G-d.
32-34 I could go on and on, but I’ve run out of time. There are so many more—Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel, the prophets. . . . Through acts of Faith, they toppled kingdoms, made justice work, took the promises for themselves. They were protected from Lions, fires, and sword thrusts, turned disadvantage to advantage, won battles, routed alien armies.
I have always found this chapter of Hebrews somewhat difficult and these 3 verses when read outside the context of the whole chapter are, I think, somewhat confusing. These 3 verses are also often used to justify the idea of “G-d is on my side in this war because I am more faithful than you are.” But I do not believe that is what the author had in mind.
The writer of Hebrews is making a case for faith, a faith in what we cannot see. Now that I get, and, for me the writer could have stopped at verse 3 of chapter 11 and his argument would have been made.
Hebrews 11:1-3 – The Message (MSG) – Faith in What We Don’t See1-2 The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd.3 By faith, we see the world called into existence by God’s word, what we see created by what we don’t see.
But he didn’t and so now I am left with chapter and verse that could be problematic when read outside the context of the whole chapter 11 and in fact the complete Letter to the Hebrews. My difficulty isn’t with its premise it is with how it is interpreted and used in today’s world, the 21st century. Yes Gideon, Barak, Samson, and the rest had faith in G-d and they used that faith to give them the courage to defend themselves and fight for a place to live. Yes they are told by G-d and Moses they are G-d’s chosen people and that G-d would be right there beside them through thick and thin. At least that is what is told in the Pentateuch, which was written during the Babylonian Exile sometime between 600 BCE and 580 BCE and not by Moses.
Now don’t get me wrong I actually love the Letter to the Hebrews. The Letter’s central idea of Jesus as the High Priest, our representative who stands before G-d in our name as our advocate means we have a spokesperson on our side, something the disadvantaged throughout history rarely have. That is an important metaphor to keep in mind. It is also the root meaning of Chapter 11.
In the first three verses of Chapter 11 the author of Hebrews lays out the important points he wants to make: “By faith, we see the world called into existence by God’s word, what we see created by what we don’t see.” The remainder of this chapter is a litany of heroes from the Jewish Bible. They are examples of faith, combined with trust, obedience, and hope that supports the desire for a better place to live, a place to call their own where G-d is the planner and builder, a place where G-d is the central focus. The memory of the prophets, kings and soldiers the author invokes is not about “whose side G-d is on,” it’s about being true to G-d’s teaching and message. It is not the act of fighting or going to war that the author is writing about. The important point it is the faithfulness of those who were fighting to build a homeland and country. Would Gideon have lost if they hadn’t had faith? That is a possibility because they might not have had the courage to stand up for what they believed in. And, by invoking the heroes of his Jewish faith the author is placing Jesus among the great and small who throughout history have listened to G-d’s call to stand up and speak G‑d’s message of justice, mercy, and compassion (Micah 6:8). To walk with G-d does not mean the road will be easy rather it means G-d walks with us into the “lion’s den” offering support and not making smoothing out the potholes.
As I contemplate these verses at the dawning of Advent I am hearing G-d’s call to respond as Isaiah, Moses, Jesus, Paul, and the author of Hebrews to speak out in G-d’s name for justice, mercy, and compassion for those who cannot speak for themselves. In the next 4 weeks as I, we, wait for the celebration of the birth of love in human form we need to remember why Jesus came. He didn’t come so we could give gifts, or eat ourselves sick, or spend money with no thought of consequences. Jesus came to bring us a way of life. We are called by G-d to respond to those who are in need, to give out of our abundance. Because we have enough to live comfortably it is our responsibility to ensure that everyone has enough to live comfortably. To give joyfully and generously, whether it is material, monetary, or spiritually is to practice the teaching of Jesus when he walked among us.
Spiritual Practice
So this week’s spiritual challenge is not an easy one but one worth doing. What would you life be like if you examined where you are on your spiritual journey and choose what you can give, how you might serve or where you can answer G-d’s call of service and walk in the path of Jesus? In what acts of faith will G-d recognize your footprints
Luke 24:30-31a When he was at the table with them, he took bread, blessed and broke it, and gave it to them. Then their eyes were opened, and they recognized him;
[This was my Spiritual Practice offering this week for Prayerful Tuesday on the Cloaked Monk Blog]
I attended the 2013 Turner Lectures in Yakima this week and the focus of study was the Road to Emmaus. I have always been struck by the above words of Luke. The disciples recognized Jesus “in the breaking of the bread,” . . . a simple act, an everyday act! And, just like Cleopas and his friend, it is in the sharing of a common meal that Jesus becomes real to us. Not s special meal, rather an everyday meal where you sit down with family and friends, inviting the stranger into your close community. What a marvelous way to remember the one who always invites us to sit down and join him in a cup of tea, mug of beer, or maybe a nice glass of wine. Today when you go on your break, or maybe for lunch, look around you who would you never think to invite into your circle? Consider asking that person to join you, for in the encounter with the stranger you may just receive Jesus without knowing it.
The table is set
The food prepared
Who will come
Who will break the bread
Who will.pour the cup
Stranger, friend
Both are welcome
Poor, rich, healthy, ill
I call all to the feast
Come sing, laugh
With the joy of each other
So what if we sometimes
Disagree. Today
We sit at the table
And share a meal.
Grace in abundance
Poured out and
Running over.
A Quiet Walk 