The Spiritual Gift of Slowing Down – Prayerful Tuesday

Posted on by a quiet walk

tree of life labyrinth

 

Last Friday I had foot surgery to correct arthritis damage to two toes.  I have had day surgeries before and in general they go well, just as this one did. But as I waited to be taken in to surgery I began to think of the consequences of my doing this. The benefits are easy to name, the primary ones are, being able to wear my shoes comfortably again and being able to walk without pain in my feet.  But there are also consequences and benefits I hadn’t considered.

For example, I wasn’t going to make an InterPlay group on Saturday that I really wanted to attend, and I wouldn’t be able to make it to church on Sunday.  In fact not until next Thursday will I be able to leave the house.

In addition to being stuck in the house my foot hurts, a lot, and because I can’t take the more popular pain killers, I have a pain medicine that, while it works well, has some drawbacks like extreme dizziness and fatigue. However, I have begun to see some real benefits, other than walking, that I hadn’t taken into consideration.

First of all I have to slow down, something I don’t often do, and think if what I want to do is really important and necessary.  I have been surprised at how much I do during the day that really is busy work. Simply letting go of those fussy details has been a great relief and I think I am going to continue with that. The things I am able to do right now have real importance, mean something to me, and are getting done better and with less effort.

I also have to say “no” to extra tasks when I am asked for “help.” Setting of boundaries has always been complicated for me.  I never want to “offend” anyone and so often take on tasks that I know I don’t have the time to do nor the energy and strength to do them. Saying no is one of the hardest things I am trying to learn.  I overextend myself all the time all because I can’t set boundaries and tell someone “no, not today.”

There are benefits of saying no such as more the time for meditation, and pausing to take the time for myself.  I don’t mean a short meditation I mean sitting down, which is all I can do anyway right now, for a couple of hours and meditating over a passage of scripture, or something I’ve just read.  Instead of worrying about what I can’t do I have been rediscovering the joy of what I can do in the moment, the return of silence and quiet peace.  Holding Suzie, my Chihuahua, in my lap I have been reconnecting with the Divine in art, literature and music and letting all of it wash over me and renew me.

I have also relearned the joy of receiving the generosity from others.  From hospital staff, to friends, to family, especially my beloved husband John, I have been graced with an amazing amount of love and care. These lovely people have helped me slow down and have given me the space to be right here, right now without feeling guilty.

I am grateful that I am not seriously handicapped or so ill I am unable to learn from this slow time. I am learning to accept with joy the gifts others give me and not feel embarrassed or feel I don’t deserve such grace. I know at some point I will grow impatient with being unable to do exactly what I want, but right now I am grateful for this time of rest and recovery.

Now I know I am not the only one out there who has difficulty in accepting gifts. Therefore, I offer this spiritual practice of saying “thank you” for the gifts you receive this week.  Simply say thank you, don’t elaborate, just accept.  Allow someone to do something for you, or do something for someone else and receive their gratitude with grace.  Recognize the joy of being in the moment and offer a thank you.  Offer your gratitude to the Holy for this time, this place, the people, creation that is the now.  Let the gifts of others to you renew your spirit and let the grace shine out from your heart to those around you.

May your week be filled with joy of gifts unforeseen, and may they bring you peace.

Ruth Jewell, ©October, 28, 2014

The Dark Night – Prayerful Tuesday

Posted on by a quiet walk

????????????

I watched a PBS program the other night about Shakespeare’s Macbeth and one insight of the host made me sit up and take notice.  The play of Macbeth, as Shakespeare tells it, is about the ego. You see Macbeth let his own and his wife’s ego control his life and I resonate with that. As of late I am wrestling with my own ego issues. Now I doubt I am going to go and kill anyone to get ahead, although metaphorically speaking I may have done that already, but right now I am trying to separate my desires from the desires of God.  To be honest I don’t think I’m doing a very good job.  The question I ask myself (ok questions) ‘is what I want what God wants for me and from me,’ or ‘am I telling God what I want and just assuming that it is what God wants to do.’

You see telling the difference between those two things is really very difficult.  God doesn’t speak in direct ways. Rather, God speaks through the voices of those I love, the actions of others, or my own emotional response to things, but God never makes a telephone call, writes an e-mail, or even makes a Facebook® post, as much as I would appreciate that.  Sitting in silence and letting go of my expectations is wonderful but how long do I sit before I begin to wonder if anyone listening?

So how do proceed?  Well for me it is learning (and re-learning over and over again) patience and letting go of the necessity to be anything other than who I am.  That doesn’t mean I have no ambition it just means that I begin by changing how I view the world around me.  Is the world here for my benefit or am I here for the worlds?   If I am here to benefit the world than what I do should provide those around me with the love, compassion, kindness, justice and peace that God calls me to offer without expecting  a reward or recognition.  For me, as I’m sure everyone else, that is hard to do, we are, after all, ‘required’ to list our skills and what we have done with those skills whenever we apply for job or even volunteer.  I’m not sure putting down my skill as “walking with God” (Micah 6:8) is enough for most people. So that is my dilemma, how do tell the difference between “walking with God” and a desire for getting ahead in this world.

Life is rarely simple and well defined and looking for answers by sitting and listening for a ‘word’ from God is not an easy thing to do.  Currently, I am in one of the proverbial ‘dry places’ in my prayer and spiritual life that happens to all of us. I am questioning whether God is even listening to me, or even if there is a God. Such questions and doubts are difficult to face and are frightening to think I may have wasted my life in pursuit of God.  All I can do is continue to sit in silence and wait; to practice praying the scriptures and pray for an insight; and to pray the call of blind Bartimaeus “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me” (Mark 10:42). Instead of worrying about not ‘hearing’ from God I ‘should’ understand this is a time for me to rest and let silence enfold me and let the silence create its own richness and prayers that I cannot speak. And maybe I have to remember that I do not have to pursue God.  God actually sits near by waiting for me to surrender my ego and open the eyes of my heart to that Divine presence.  It is remembering prayer isn’t about receiving answers it is about sitting with God, creating space for God to move in my life in ways my ego will never understand.

Ruth Jewell, ©July 1, 2014

Surrender – Prayerful Tuesday

Posted on by a quiet walk
Surrender to the Journey
Surrender to the Journey

“. . . too often we resist the urge to turn our hearts to God, for this might entail some serious and inconvenient changes in our lives.”  Jamal Rahman, Out of Darkness into Light

This past week has been interesting.  You see I am coming to a place where I have to let go of some goals and turn my resulting life, that will be, over to God.  Now I am a stubborn person, and I LIKE being in control of my journey, but, I am discovering I control nothing. Nothing in my life is predictable, except when I surrender my will to God.

The above words of Jamal Rahman really hit home for me, because surrendering to God does mean my life changes dramatically.  The number one in my life can no longer be me, but God.   It means everything I do take’s on a sacred attribute because I’m not doing it for myself; I am doing nothing, because you see everything is for and through God.

When I give up and let go of the reins I am clutching in my white knuckled hand my life focus changes from “it’s all about me” to it is all about what God wants of me; doing justice, loving kindness, and walking humbly with God (Micah 6:8).  While Micah’s words sound simple they are not easy and I am consciously, continually, moving into them bit by painful bit.

One of my first steps in surrendering to God began with (or I should say begins with) a practice of examining the unease I have with my life and then holding it to as I find the root cause. I allow myself to kind to me as I acknowledge and hold the energy the cause has over me, offering it up in prayer for God’s mercy and forgiveness.

So I offer Surrender as our spiritual practice of the week.   When you feel something is wrong in your life do not ignore or deny it.  Instead sit quietly and hold the feeling in your heart, listen to it and search from where it comes.  Then as you hold the feelings in your heart pray to God for strength and mercy, asking for God to walk with you as you go deeper into the feeling and surrender the cause to God in prayer.  Over time as you repeat this practice you may discover your connection and relationship with God growing ever stronger.

Surrender may be difficult but not impossible when you remember the words of Jesus who said “do not be afraid, for I am with you always.” (Matthew 28:10).

Ruth Jewell, ©March 10, 2014