“I have come to believe that God, Truth, Beauty, Love—all those concepts I associate with the Divine—are not things that are “found” at the end of the path, like the post of gold at the end of the rainbow, but rather are what I experience on the journey as I travel through life—or perhaps, more explicitly, they are the journey itself.” Jan Phillips, No Ordinary Time[1]
The above quote by Jan Phillips states beautifully one of the revelations of my own life. Searching and hoping to ‘find’ love and truth is an exercise in futility. Beauty, truth, love, and G-d come to me in those moments when I least expect them to arrive on my doorstep. They often ‘find’ me when I am in the darkest and most terrifying moments of my life and they pull me from the depths back into the light. Or they show up unexpectedly, like a un-birthday present, while I am in the midst of something totally unrelated.
In your time of prayer this week reflect on when and where the Divine has surprised you with love, a new truth, and beauty. Give thanks for those moments of joy and vow to be more open to the un‑birthday moments in your life.
This past week I have been meditating with a book by Jan Phillips[1] and one of the daily readings was on creativity and the Cosmos a chapter that touched me deeply as I read it. Someone once asked her “what is dying to be born?” and I realized that I have been asking that question of myself and the universe for many years. If I think about birth and death in the Cosmos then I have to remember that every time a star dies many more are born in its place. Our Sun came from the death of one such star and we are the children of that star. Every element in our body once resided inside the burning birth chamber of a star. When our sun dies it will spread all of the elements we now carry out into the universe to be born again in another star and planet and maybe another life. How’s that for immortality.
I have been pondering various forms of the question ‘what is dying to be born’ for a long time now. It is a good question no matter how it is framed. It is important to recognize that we are dying and being reborn each day, in every moment of each day. Who I am now is the product of what died to give me life in this moment. In recent years I have given a great deal of my meditation time to what wants to be born in me and what has to be ejected before that happens. I am slowly coming to understand some of what and who I am. For the first time in 67 years I feel a sense of purpose that has come from my own efforts instead of letting outside forces change me. Taking the time to be in prayer has helped form new paths that I would never have explored otherwise. So today I present a quest for each of you, and if you choose to accept it you might, just might, discover your own new paths.
The quest I am presenting to you this day is to focus for 15 minutes each day on what within you is dying to be born. To open your heart and mind to the universe and let the sounds of new born stars and newborn babies inspire you to new paths of exploration. To bless you on your journey I offer the following prayer written by Jan Phillips calls on the connection we have with all creation:
Our Father, Holy Mother
Creator of the Cosmos, Source of Life
You are in my mind, in my garden,
in my cup of wine and loaf of bread.
Blessed be your names:
Mother, Allah, Goddess, Beloved, Father,
Radiant One, Yahweh, HaShem, Sophia
Your presence has come, your will is done
on earth as it is in the cosmos.
May we give each other strength, mercy,
tenderness, and joy
and forgive each other’s failures,
silence, pettiness, and forgetfulness
as we ask to be forgiven
by those we’ve hurt.
Lead us home
to ourselves, to You,
to clarity, to oneness
and deliver us from the darkness
of our ignorance and fear.
I watched a PBS program the other night about Shakespeare’s Macbeth and one insight of the host made me sit up and take notice. The play of Macbeth, as Shakespeare tells it, is about the ego. You see Macbeth let his own and his wife’s ego control his life and I resonate with that. As of late I am wrestling with my own ego issues. Now I doubt I am going to go and kill anyone to get ahead, although metaphorically speaking I may have done that already, but right now I am trying to separate my desires from the desires of God. To be honest I don’t think I’m doing a very good job. The question I ask myself (ok questions) ‘is what I want what God wants for me and from me,’ or ‘am I telling God what I want and just assuming that it is what God wants to do.’
You see telling the difference between those two things is really very difficult. God doesn’t speak in direct ways. Rather, God speaks through the voices of those I love, the actions of others, or my own emotional response to things, but God never makes a telephone call, writes an e-mail, or even makes a Facebook® post, as much as I would appreciate that. Sitting in silence and letting go of my expectations is wonderful but how long do I sit before I begin to wonder if anyone listening?
So how do proceed? Well for me it is learning (and re-learning over and over again) patience and letting go of the necessity to be anything other than who I am. That doesn’t mean I have no ambition it just means that I begin by changing how I view the world around me. Is the world here for my benefit or am I here for the worlds? If I am here to benefit the world than what I do should provide those around me with the love, compassion, kindness, justice and peace that God calls me to offer without expecting a reward or recognition. For me, as I’m sure everyone else, that is hard to do, we are, after all, ‘required’ to list our skills and what we have done with those skills whenever we apply for job or even volunteer. I’m not sure putting down my skill as “walking with God” (Micah 6:8) is enough for most people. So that is my dilemma, how do tell the difference between “walking with God” and a desire for getting ahead in this world.
Life is rarely simple and well defined and looking for answers by sitting and listening for a ‘word’ from God is not an easy thing to do. Currently, I am in one of the proverbial ‘dry places’ in my prayer and spiritual life that happens to all of us. I am questioning whether God is even listening to me, or even if there is a God. Such questions and doubts are difficult to face and are frightening to think I may have wasted my life in pursuit of God. All I can do is continue to sit in silence and wait; to practice praying the scriptures and pray for an insight; and to pray the call of blind Bartimaeus “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me” (Mark 10:42). Instead of worrying about not ‘hearing’ from God I ‘should’ understand this is a time for me to rest and let silence enfold me and let the silence create its own richness and prayers that I cannot speak. And maybe I have to remember that I do not have to pursue God. God actually sits near by waiting for me to surrender my ego and open the eyes of my heart to that Divine presence. It is remembering prayer isn’t about receiving answers it is about sitting with God, creating space for God to move in my life in ways my ego will never understand.
As I sit a robin sings his morning song,
tea in hand, dog in my lap
I wait expectantly,
I listen . . .
all I hear are crows, and wrens.
Where are you?
It has been so long since
I felt your presence.
I long to feel your touch on my cheek,
to hear your whispers in my ear.
I want to be enfolded in your Holy embrace
I search my heart for you.
I seek you in the eyes of those I meet.
I cannot find you, and
without you I am lost.
There is so much to tell you, but . . .
you are not there to hear.
Patience I tell myself, you will come.
So like a Desert Mother I sit day after day and wait,
listening, longing,
silent I sit.
I am preaching next Sunday and the first step in the preparation for my sermon is to pray my scripture using Lectio Divina. The last step in my Lectio Divina is to write in my journal what I hear in the scripture. Often I will draw a Mandala as a visual image of what I hear and the Mandala above is my representation of Romans 6:1b-11, which is my text for next Sunday.
Lectio Divina is one of my favorite practices to delve into a particular scripture and I often add the process of drawing a Mandala when the scripture is long or very visual. I find the resultant drawing adds another layer to my spiritual practice. I draw circular Mandalas for my reflections; I find the confined space of the circle helps me focus on the most important aspects of hearing. But, prayers through art can take any form that reflects your own personal prayers. Therefore pen and ink drawings, soul collage, painting, sculpting anything that lets you express through your artistic and creative senses will help you find a new richness in your prayers, and you don’t have to be an expert to enjoy putting the color and form of your prayers onto paper. Trust me I’m no Rembrandt and if I can do it anyone can. Just give yourself permission to play and be open to what happens.
This week I suggest trying prayer through art. Using 1 Corinthians 12:12-13 try praying with art.
Begin your prayer using the steps of Lectio Divina:
Reading/listening: read the passage to yourself twice. Listen for the word or phrase that catches your attention. Silently focus on that word or phrase, allowing it to sift through your heart and mind.
Meditation: As you focus on your chosen word pay attention to your feelings and thoughts, what images, thoughts, or memories does the word or phrase bring to mind.
Responding: What desires has your prayer brought, is there something you need to work on, or does your prayer lead you something you are grateful for. Sit in silent prayer and listen as God forms your prayer in your heart.
Resting: Having heard the word or praise that has drawn you closer to God and having felt a response to the prayer allow yourself to rest in silence. As you continue to sit in silence pick up your paper and pen or pencil and if an image has come forth in your prayer try putting it down on paper. When you feel the prayer has ended express your gratitude to God with a “Thank You”, or, “Amen”
Remember you are not looking for a drawing of perfection rather you are expressing your feelings and thoughts as a visual image and whatever it is it will be your image, beautiful in all aspects.
Amelia with her brother Liam and Suzie, the Chihuahua
Amelia is a 5 year old, little girl who is a mixture of tomboy, imp, princess and budding scientist but most of all a Grammy’s delight. Walking home from school with Amelia is always an adventure. Today we hadn’t gotten even 100 feet from her school when she bent over and said, “Look Grammy, I found a purple maple seed.” Amelia hands me the seed and says “now you carry this for me I want to show dad.” Off she runs to her next exciting stop, which is about 50 feet ahead. “Look what I can do Grammy,” she said as she runs up a yard to the brick wall and with one heart stopping leap lands safely on the ground in front of me. “My, my you are so good at jumping,” I said as I pushed my heart back into my chest.
Running ahead of me again she suddenly stops and gets down on her knees, as I walk up to her she is talking to a small ant hill. “Look how busy they are, Grammy, where are they going so fast?” “Well,” I tell her, “this is a new ant hill so they are just building it up right now and gathering in some of the leaves for food. Don’t disturb the nest or they will bite.” “Really,” she says as she prepares to test my theory. “Yes really, and those bites hurt so let’s leave them to their work, OK.” “Ok,” and she is off again.
“Help me look for snails, Grammy.” Amelia has a love affair going with snails of every shape and size. She picks them up and carries them carefully along with her, until, that is, she forgets she has them in the heat of a new discovery and then the snails are old news. Sometimes she carries them all the way home and we release them into the backyard and into the wild.
Every moment with Amelia is a discovery in a half, every rock a treasure trove, every leaf a rare jewel to be enjoyed. Worms and snails are potential friends or pets to be trained. We sing songs to stop traffic on our progression across a busy street and she dances down the street to a tune in her head.
Oh the life of a 5 year old, a world of discovery ahead and an imagination that has no boundaries. Where does all of the enthusiasm go to as we grow older? Is life so trying and stressful that we forget just what it means to be in the moment? As I watch my little adventurer skip down the sidewalk I am trying to remember what it was like to be that carefree, and find delight in a snail slowly making its way up a wall.
Maybe that is what grandchildren are for, to awaken in each of us that little boy or girl lost in the mists of time. To remind us of the important things like snails, red leaves, purple maple seeds and sunshine and shadow. Amelia has reopened a door I thought was shut and locked. A part of me remembers and dances with my little genius, princess, geologist, archaeologist, biologist, and junk collector as we walk home from school.
I have been reading a book titled Never Pray Again[1] that explores prayer leading into action. I have always been an advocate of prayer that gets me moving in the right direction. I want prayers that get me up out of my chair, out of my house, out into my neighborhood and community to do my small part in fighting injustice, cleaning up creation, or sitting with someone in need of a friend. Like the authors I believe that when we say those magic words “I will pray for you” all to often we think that is all we have to do, and that isn’t quite right. God does answer prayers, but God cannot do it alone. God needs our arms and legs, and yes even our imagination, to get the job done. We are to not just offer prayers of intercession but also intercede on behalf of those who cannot act by themselves. We are not to just offer prayers of healing but also enable and encourage those who are wounded so that they may become whole members of the community. We are not to just to offer prayers of support but also get out on the street and offer ourselves in support of those in need. We are to shower the love God has gifted us with onto everyone we meet, whether they are friend or enemy.
Just imagine what the world would look like if this became the radical new trend. I can hardly contain myself because it is such an exciting thought. But reality will and does set in to temper my enthusiasm. Because I know, and you know, that isn’t happening anytime soon, but we have to start somewhere. Here are 2 possible things to do that are suggested by the authors:
The next time you someone begging go and grab a couple of meals and sit down with that person and listen to them talk about their problems. When you both have finished your meal thank them and the next time you see them acknowledge them instead of passing them by. If you can’t sit down with them then, at the very least, give them the meal and ask for their name so you might respond to them as a fellow traveler.
Invite and outsider in. Find a new person, in your apartment building, neighborhood, workplace or school and invite them to lunch or tea and coffee. Even if they may not “fit-in” with your normal social group listen to them and get to know them as a person, someone with their own dreams and aspirations. You might invite them to something you do regularly with others, not as a token, but as a real invitation.
Both of these activities are prayer in action, reaching out to those who we might never have met, sharing ourselves, offering respect, leading to a new wholeness in all. This is what Jesus did. If we are to call ourselves followers of Jesus aren’t we obligated to do what he taught us?
Yesterday was Memorial Day, the day we remember the service of those who have fought our wars and protect our borders. We sometimes forget there are more than men in the line of fire. Women are now serving in positions where they too are potentially at risk. And, there have always been animals, pigeons, and dogs who have laid down their lives for a cause they cannot understand and they do it for the love of the soldier partner. Today I am asking you to remember in prayer those faithful winged and 4-footed creatures who have willingly give up their lives.
As You gaze at the picture take a deep breath and let it out slowly, take a second breath and let it out slowly, let your shoulders relax and your gaze soften.
Look deeply at the picture and let the colors and image enter your imagination. What feelings does this bring to the surface? What memories or stories? Imagine you are walking are a soldier whose lives and works with this faithful dog, what does that look like and feel like to you.
Respond to the image with a prayer for all God’s children who serve in dangerous places on this earth. Offer a prayer of intercession and gratitude for the service men, service women, and service animals who protect us while we sleep.
Continue to gaze at the picture, breathe deeply and rest quietly. Let God pray in you in silence beyond words.
“And God made the two great lights, the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night; he made the stars also. And God set them in the firmament of the heavens to light upon the earth.” Genesis 1:16-17 Walking at night has always been one of my favorite things to do. I grew up in the country and I have seen the Milky Way spread across the sky with my own eyes. This picture taken on a Beach in Scotland reminded me of how beautiful the Universe is. It is because of stars we are alive. We are made of star dust and a star warms our earthen home. We owe our very existence to the life giving power of stars. Gaze into the picture, look deep into the mystery, do you see yourself, looking back. When the skies are clear (I know that is difficult to find here in the Northwest) take walk outside. Gaze at the star studded sky and dream.
As You gaze at the picture take a deep breath and let it out slowly, take a second breath and let it out slowly, let your shoulders relax and your gaze soften.
Look deeply at the picture and let the colors of the night sky enter your imagination. What feelings does this bring to the surface? What memories or stories? Imagine you are walking on a star studded night, what does that look like and feel like to you.
Respond to the image with a prayer for God’s entire universe. Offer a prayer of intercession and thanksgiving for the abundance God has graces us with.
Continue to gaze at the picture, breathe deeply and rest quietly. Let God pray in you in silence beyond words.
A Quiet Walk 