obedience to god – Page 2

Who’s Cross

Posted on July 3, 2013July 3, 2013 by a quiet walk

Mark 8:34 And he called to him the multitude with his disciples, and said to them, “If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

I love the Gospel of Mark, it encourages me to ask questions and this verse in his gospel is one of those that drives me crazy with questions. The reason is I’m not sure whose cross I’m supposed to carry. If I take it literally, which is how it is most often interpreted, then I am to bear “my” cross and follow Jesus. But If I look at this scripture from the way Jesus responded to all of those who did follow him and surrounded him as he taught, then, this verse takes on new meaning for me.

What if, just what if, Jesus is telling us to carry the cross of someone who is suffering and not our own cross. Yes I know that flies in the face of orthodox interpretation but then I’m not orthodox. Those in my ecclesial tradition of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) read and interpret scripture and Holy Writings for ourselves. We do have to defend our interpretation and in that defense we either modify or enlarge our understanding of what scripture has to say. So here is my defense of my interpretation Mark 8:34 that “the cross Jesus is asking us to pick up is not ours but the cross of my neighbor and both of us then follow Jesus.”

First of all these words of Jesus are recorded in all three of the synoptic Gospels, but not in John. Now it could be that Matthew and Luke simply copied Mark, after all they used Mark as their blueprint for their own Gospels. But, the fact that it appears almost word for word in each of three synoptic Gospels leads me to believe this was something Jesus did say or could have said. Jesus also never said anything that would contradict what he “did” throughout his life of a servant to the disadvantaged, displaced, ill, elderly and disabled. Jesus’ life as it was recorded in the synoptic Gospels was less about what he said and all about what he did.

It is also one of the verses that is almost always misused or misquoted to, or by, those who are having a difficult time. How often have you heard the words “well that is my (your) cross to bear.” Something about that phrase has always bothered me. It’s used to trivialize suffering or difficult times for people and I think that is wrong. I don’t believe that Jesus would have ever told anyone that and I believe the “traditional” interpretation of this verse of carrying my own cross may not be what Jesus had in mind when he called to his disciples and the multitude.

Jesus always cared for those who could not care for themselves. His ministry was to those who had been discarded by society, bringing them back into relationship with their communities and with God. We often see him tired and totally worn out from giving of himself to those who needed him. And my question is; is that not carrying the cross of the other long? In fact we see death in so many ways in the ministry of Jesus, and not just Lazarus (John 11:41-43), a widow’s son (Luke 7:14), or Jairus’ little girl (Matthew 9:25, Mark 5:41, Luke 8:54). We see those who are dead and buried simply because they don’t fit society’s profile of “normal,” the blind, the infirm, and the mentally disabled and we see them resurrected from their death to life by Jesus who returns them to their communities. Every story of healing is a story of death and resurrection and it is Jesus who takes the burdens, i.e. their crosses, of those who have died to life restoring them to family and community. Jesus was teaching a Way of Life, and, one in which we as his followers were to emulate. That means caring for those who have died to society, bringing them back to life by restoring them to God, their families, and their communities. If we are going to be followers of Jesus then it is not our salvation that we are to be concerned with. No, it is the resurrection and life of those who have been pushed outside of society and left to die to life.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe the way I reach God is the only way. I believe there are many paths to God and each person will find their own path in their own good way and time. But If I am carrying the cross of those who are disadvantaged than I do it in the name of my faith in Jesus and give the space for those who are in my care to find the best way forward in their own way. To relieve the suffering of others, carrying their cross, is enough for my task. I can’t make the decisions as to how the move forward for them that is their choice. It could be that they choose to refuse my help and that is OK, they then have chosen to remain where they are in their spiritual lives.

Jesus never forced his pathway on anyone so why should I. Remember the story of the 10 Lepers (Luke 17:12-19)? Jesus healed ten but only one returned to thank him. Jesus asks where the other nine were but that’s as far as it goes. He doesn’t take revenge on them by making them lepers again just because they didn’t return to follow him. He let them choose their own path so that is what we are to do as well. (Here is a side note from this former statistician: actually 10% isn’t a bad response, in most instances you can expect only a 10% to 20% return on anything you put forward.)

So carrying the cross of someone else means opening a door for them, or clearing a pathway that allows them to return to a right relationship with God, no matter what that may look like for any particular individual. It means walking along side someone supporting their burdens while they sort out their lives and relationship with God no matter how they worship, or name God. Not an easy task for sure. We can see the effects on Jesus throughout scripture in his perpetual fatigue. Yet Jesus never complained and that too is a goal we are to reach for and it too is very difficult.

Now the next question is, if I am carrying someone else’s cross who is carrying mine. And that’s a tricky question. Do you remember that during the trip to Golgotha Simon of Cyrene (Matthew 27: 32, Mark 15:21, Luke 23:26) was conscripted into carrying Jesus cross? This, for means me, Simon supported Jesus’ burdens and Jesus was now the one who was in need of life. Jesus find life in his own resurrection, a resurrection had had given to so many others throughout his lifetime.

My lesson of the scripture is someone else is walking with me and supporting my burdens while I support the burdens of those who are disadvantaged. The person supporting my burdens is Jesus and I am supporting Jesus’ burdens in my walking in the way He taught. Now that is a big cross to carry! I am not sure I know how to fulfill this task, but I do know that I’m not alone; in fact I am never alone. I have others on the same pathway and I always have the presence of Christ and the Holy Spirit to hold me up and cheer me on. I am not perfect at following the teaching of Jesus but grateful that He’s not too picky and forgives me my all too often mistakes and stumbles. While I strive to be Jesus like I often miss the mark and that means I’m not always helpful. All I am asked to do is to keep trying and moving forward on the path. I mean after all he taught those 12 male disciples and they never got it right so I figure I’m in good company.

Life is what I want, for me and for all that I meet. It’s not my job or task to determine what that life will look like for someone else, I only need to worry about what mine looks like. That is sufficient unto the day. All Christ, God, and Holy Spirit want is for me to try, that’s all, and I am forgive my wanderings from the path and am welcomed back when I find it again. That is all I can do, that is all any of us can do.

May your journey be a joyful one, but if it’s not then I pray that you let someone support you and help you back into life.

©Ruth Jewell, July 3, 2013

Wait

Posted on March 1, 2013 by a quiet walk

Quiet, I sit in my small boat
Alone, I wait
Purple and gold sky
A sea dark and still
Alone, I wait

Ruth Jewell, ©March 1, 2013

a dream

Posted on February 18, 2013February 19, 2013 by a quiet walk

The telephone rings and I answer it, “hello, this is Mark and there has been an accident. Amelia was dancing near water in which an electric line had dropped. She stepped into the water and was electrocuted. She is in the hospital and we don’t know what will happen next.” Amelia, my sweet granddaughter? I scream for John and tell him to call the airline for a ticket tonight to B and . . . then I stop my dream.

I tell myself, wait a minute, this is a dream, and Amelia is just fine. There has been no accident and my little girl has not been hurt. So why am dreaming this. I realize this dream isn’t about Amelia at all; it’s about ME and my very active ego-self that wants to be all important. My ego-self knows just how much I love my granddaughter and would do anything, and I mean anything, to protect her. So when my ego-self thinks I am at my weakest, ill with the flu, asleep and unaware, it formed this scary dream to plant a seed of self-importance. Instead of following the dream any further I begin to repeat my daily prayer, “I surrender, O Holy One, this moment, this now of my life, watch over me and guide me, I surrender.” The dream within a dream ends and I enter a deep, peaceful and restful sleep.

When I woke up the next morning I recognized the “wow” factor in my night’s dream. In my sleep I had carried on a conversation with myself that allowed me to recognize when my ego-self was trying to trick me and I stopped it. I actually offered a meditation, in my sleep, to bring me back to a sense of reality that I also recognized and left me calm and able to drift back into a deep sleep.

In the last 6 months I have been doing a lot of thinking about who I truly am, where I am going, and what I am being called to do. As a result I have spent a great deal of time in meditation and journaling. This deep going within is pulling out new insights from some very dark places within my spirit and where I have been recognizing just how much I have followed my ego-self rather than my true-self throughout my entire life. Somehow that is beginning to change and I am learning to put my ego-self in its proper place and allowing my true-self to step forward.

I do need my ego-self, it is an important part of who I am. It helps me make decisions and protects me when I am in danger (whatever that might be). But the ego-self shouldn’t have the prime spot in my life, following only the ego leads me down a very selfish, self centered pathway and doesn’t allow the true me to shine forth.

My true-self, on the other hand, is the part of me that listens with compassion, offers kindness and mercy, and acts for peace and justice, not for my benefit but for the good of the community around me. It is my true-self that I want to take the place of primacy in my life, for that is who I truly am, the child of, the partner of, God. My dream is an example of how desperate my ego-self is to regain control of me and I am finally resisting the temptation to follow that path.

I am in a discernment process to discover where God is calling me to ministry and I must admit I’ve heard that call, but, I am afraid. It is that fear that my ego-self is using to prevent me from following the path God, Herself, is laying before me. I know God never asks us to do anything we are incapable of doing, but, She does challenge us to the limit of our abilities. It is that challenge that is putting fear in my heart. I guess I haven’t fully surrendered yet and so I sit at a threshold facing the mystery of what is to come. Right now I am unable to move into that mystery, I am paralyzed by fear and I want to tell God, “no not me, can’t you find someone else to do this, I’m not brave enough, or good enough, to do this.” However, I keep hearing “It is you I want, don’t be afraid, I am here, won’t you take my hand and step onto my path.”

It has been my experience that if God wants me to do something, and I don’t want to, God will call and plead, begging for me to reconsider. If I don’t, God stands with me in my choice. When everything doesn’t come out just as I thought, God gently reaches out, puts her arms around me and says with a slight smile, “just how did that work out for you.” I hate it when God says “I told you so.” In the end I grow weary of my mediocre plans and “give in” to what God is calling me to. So this time I think I will choose to follow the path God has placed before me instead of going my own way. I know it will be hard, but it won’t be as hard or painful as it would be if God wasn’t there.

God, I will take your hand and step onto your path. I will accept the challenge even though I am terrified of what might happen. You have led me this far and I haven’t crashed and burned yet. I keep saying “I surrender” and I guess this means I am finally beginning to truly commit to that surrender. All that I ask is don’t leave me alone to face the darkness, and protect me in those places that are filled with traps. I have faith in what you are asking of me and therefore hold me tight and guide me forward.

Ruth Jewell, ©February 18, 2013

Standing at the Door

Posted on December 29, 2012December 29, 2012 by a quiet walk

Revelation 3:20- “Listen! I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door; I will come in to you and eat with you and you with me.”

For the last four months I have been on an inward journey. I don’t know where this journey will lead me, although I am hoping it will help me come to some conclusions about ministry. Beginning in September I did mostly silent prayer or, depending on the day and moment, contemplative prayer. I would sit for 30 minutes to an hour in silence up to three times a day. I discovered that I was developing a very quiet place somewhere inside and all of the stress and disappointment of the last year were beginning to slip away. As I felt the need I started adding other practices, a bible study, a new interplay class, and a book study.

Through all of this I wrote in my Journal and added to my blog and one of the repeating themes is I am looking at scripture and readings from a very different perspective and the above scripture from Revelation is a good example.

I am fairly confident that all of you have seen the iconic picture of Jesus standing at a door knocking. Have you looked closely there is no door handle; the door must be opened from the inside. This passage from Revelation has been bugging me lately so I started taking it apart and trying to visualize it from a different angle. The one perspective that seems to intrigue me is what if the door is the one into my heart and the person standing on the outside is me, not Jesus. The door is ajar but I have to make the effort to push it open and walk in and in my meditations I seem to be standing at the entrance unable to move toward the door. Sort of like the rodent in one of Rudyard Kipling books where it won’t go into the center of the room but always creeps around the edges.

The reason this perspective seems to be so important is 1) I have always believed part of the creator already resides within me, and for that matter within all of creation; 2) the place behind the door to my heart, or hearts door, represents for me my deepest level of spirituality. It is the place that knows me best, the good and the bad, and offers forgiveness and grace even when I do not acknowledge it. So, to me, it makes perfect sense that in the room behind the hearts door I will find G-d because G-d is the root, or grounding, of my very being and where I want to be. But I am afraid to cross the threshold.

So what does it mean if I am the one outside of my hearts door? First of all it means that
G-d/Jesus/Holy Spirit is waiting for me to acknowledge the Divine Presence and that that recognition means I am giving up some of the control of my life over to the true being within. The acknowledging part is fairly easy, but, crossing the threshold and entering into full communion with the Divine is a lot harder. There are risks to crossing into that sacred place, for one thing I would have to let go of my ego, and many of my desires, such asto always be at the top of everything. Sometimes the Holy Spirit wants me to be second, third or even last at some task because it challenges me to look deeper at who I am and who I want to be. Because of my unwillingness to let go of my ego, I have spent most of my 65 years standing outside the chamber behind my hearts door and it has resulted in a life where hard lessons are learned and travels on rocky roads are my only choices. I had to hit rock bottom before I could accept that I could not live this life alone, I needed help; I needed love, grace, and forgiveness in order to become who I am.

Fourteen years ago I was at that rock bottom place and my path choices weren’t looking all that appealing. I have always wondered why we have to be at the worst possible crossroad in order to recognize the grace and forgiveness of G-d, but it does and I am no exception. Just like John of the Cross I was having my own “dark night of the soul.” It wasn’t until all light in my life had disappeared that I called out to G-d, crossed the threshold and entered into the arms of the Divine.

One result of my turning this scripture around so I stand at the door instead of Jesus is that I become the one to initiate contact with G-d. G-d, Holy Spirit, Jesus becomes the force that waits for me to decide how, and when I will respond to their call. I choose to cross the threshold or walk away. Granted I have had a great deal of preparation for that moment in my life but a willingness to risk everything on an invisible (and to some non-existent) entity does not make the choice any easier. Maybe that is why it takes those “dark nights” for us to make the choice to let our lives be lead by the Divine. Unless we have only two choices, life or death, before us we won’t choose life. We will continue to walk without the guidance of G‑d because that path seems easier to walk than the one G-d and there are so of those distractions to choose from. But that is an illusion.

I must admit to a lot of darting out the door only to return with bowed head asking for forgiveness. I am always amazed at the joy the Divine exhibits at the return of this wayward child. I know I am blessed by grace because I can fail G-ds expectations over and over again and return over and over again and I will be welcomed home just as the prodigal son was, with fatted calf and celebration.

See G-d wants us to be inside that sacred room and whenever we leave, the Divine keeps the fires burning for our return. I like to think that hot chocolate and double chocolate chip cookies are waiting for me to communion with the ground of my being. All I have to do is cross the threshold.

Ruth Jewell, ©December 29, 2012

The Innkeeper, a Christmas Story

Posted on December 22, 2012December 22, 2012 by a quiet walk

Jacob was in a delighted panic, there were more people in his Inn than he had ever had before. While giving thanks to the Romans would be condemned by the Temple authorities he was certainly thankful for this emperor’s whim. Now if only he could find time to sit down to enjoy all of those shekels he was collecting. Sara, his wife, was busy in the kitchen cooking a meal for their paying guests and for their own abundant family who weren’t paying because his wife wouldn’t let him charge them. Family, sometimes you can’t live without them but tonight he would like to try.

Now Jacob loved his kind and gentle Sara, but sometimes her kindness was irritating. After all Jacob had to provide for his family. His son, Isaiah, had only just reached manhood, although he was a big help to him tonight. Isaiah was carrying water to all of the paying guests (let his relatives get their own) and taking care of the animals. Jacob’s two girls were busy in the kitchen with their mother and while Elizabeth was still a little small she was working just as hard as her older sister, Rebecca. Over all Jacob was very happy, his Inn was full and he had a box full of money. He should not only be able to pay the tax collector (May YHWH rain fire down on his head!) but also have sufficient money for the next several months. There might even be enough left over to put a little aside for his daughters dowries.

Jacob was suddenly shaken out of his revere by a call from his son.

“Father, there are two more in the courtyard.”

Jacob threw up his hands and ran out to tell them that he had no more room and that they should move on. When Jacob opened the door a tall man greeted him. A very pregnant young woman was perched on a donkey behind him. Jacob had to admit she looked very tired and uncomfortable.

“Excuse me, my wife and I would like a room to spend the night. If you don’t have a room a corner would do. Mary, my wife, is expecting and she is very tired. We have money to pay and I will take care of the donkey myself.”

“I’m sorry we don’t have any rooms,’ Jacob said, “and to be honest with you I don’t think there are rooms free anywhere else in Bethlehem right now. This mandated census has filled all the Inns. My suggestion would be that you go up into the hills above the city and find a cave. At least it would be out of the wind. Good night to you.”

“Jaaa…cob, Isaiah tells me there is a woman with child out there”.

Jacob turned around and groaned as he faced his wife Sara. “Sara we don’t have any room! Where would we put them?” Taking one look at his wife’s face he said “Oh no! I am not giving up my bed! I am tired and will need to get some sleep tonight if I am to deal with all of these people tomorrow!”

Sara patiently looked at her red-faced husband; she knew he wasn’t as hard-hearted as some thought he was, he just had to be nudged once in a while. “Well we can’t turn out a pregnant woman (may the LORD bless her child!), she looks like she is going to deliver any time now! This census is bringing people out on the roads that shouldn’t be there! Don’t you dare send them to the caves! She’s pregnant Jacob, there are thieves up there and they will be robbed or worse! Do you really want that on your hands? Jacob, money isn’t everything.”

Jacob groaned again. “Well, where do you propose we put them?”

“Isaiah”, Sara called, “get me some blankets and a lamp. Jacob, the stable has a corner that is warm and dry, and you won’t charge them either!”

The man at the door had been looking on as the Innkeeper and his wife argued and now said, “Please, we will be glad to pay, we have some of our own supplies, we just need a place to rest.”

“No,” Jacob sighed, “Sara’s right, we can’t charge you for a night in the stable. Isaiah will take you around the back and help his mother get you settled.” Isaiah ran up with the bedding. “Take them around to the stable and fix the stall on the west wall, it’s the driest and warmest. Then come back and help Rebecca take some warm food and wine out to our guests.”

The gentlemen started to protest, “No, sir, it is the least we can do. If you need anything during the night just knock on the door at the back, Isaiah will be sleeping there tonight and he will do what he can.”

The man looked very relieved, “thank you all so very much, you are very kind. This is Mary’s first child and we have traveled so very far today. My name is Joseph and I am a carpenter, if you need anything repaired or need any work done while we are here I will be glad to do it.” Talking softly to his young wife, who turns and smiles her thanks at the innkeeper, Joseph turns, takes the donkey’s lead and follows Isaiah.

Sara looks lovingly at her husband. “You old softy, I knew you couldn’t turn them away.”

“Go, woman, and prepare some food for these people. At least I’ll be able to get that back room lintel fixed. Oh yes, I’ll take him up on his offer, he is an honorable man and I won’t embarrass him, go, go!” Jacob looks outside as he turns to close the door, “my goodness it is bright outside, almost like daylight, there must be a full moon.”

©Ruth Jewell, November 29, 2009

Blessings and Peace to all this Christmastide!

This story was written for the 2009 Christmas Eve Service and I offer it here to all of you as my Christmas Gift.

I Was a Stranger

Posted on December 17, 2012December 22, 2012 by a quiet walk

Matthew 25:35b

. . . I was a stranger and you welcomed me,

Yesterday was a strange day! John and I are vacationing on a Caribbean Cruise and yesterday we visited Barbados. It was supposed to be a quick day of shopping for gifts in the morning and then back to our ship, the MS Maasdam, for a swim and maybe a nap. It’s a hard job but someone has to do it. I hope you noticed I said “supposed to,” what happened was an adventure we never counted on and the discovery of being welcomed despite being a stranger in a strange land.

First of all you should know that John has developed a case of hay fever every time we reach shore; there is some type of plant bugging him so he needed more antihistamines. So we get off the ship and head for the shuttles into the shopping district of Bridgetown. After I paid the driver we got in and headed for town. When we reach our destination John spots a pharmacy and we go in to get some Benadryl for his hay fever. And this when our day went wonky, as we are paying for it I discover I have lost my wallet.

Do you know the sinking feeling you get when something goes terribly wrong and you are placed in very vulnerable position? Well I never got that feeling. I told John my wallet was gone along with my credit card, driver’s license and some money and all I said was “well that’s gone, do you still want to go shopping.” I never expected to see the wallet again, I mean we are in the Caribbean which is not known for having the most honest population in the world, and these people are all poor and struggling. While I would miss the $80, it loss wouldn’t kill me and my credit card would be turned off within the next couple of hours so that wasn’t that big a deal. But to someone who probably makes less in a year than most people in the US make in a month that’s a lot of money and the card invaluable. But for some reason I wasn’t the least bit worried. I was simply a little irritated about the trouble it would take to contact VISA

John suggests we go back to the drop off point and wait for the taxi to return, which the guy would do simply as part of his route between the port and downtown. As we sat under a tree, a man comes forward and asks if we would like to take a tour of the Island and we said “no we were waiting for the taxi that dropped us off.” The man, whose name was Eric, asked us if we had lost a wallet, surprised, we said yes and asked how he knew. Eric said the driver did find it and had looked all over for us but we had disappeared. Eric told us that my wallet would be with the port police when we returned. Eric told us to get into his tour van and he took us straight back to the port to retrieve my wallet and when we got there it was intact; cards and money all in place. To thank the shuttle driver we gave him a large tip and to thank Eric we told him that we would like to take his tour. So we and another couple who were just walking up got in and had the most wonderful morning going all around the Island of Barbados, which is really quite small, I think Eric said it was only about 150 sq miles, 14 miles wide and 17 miles long.

We discovered that the couple, George and Marion, were also from Washington State, Port Ludlow to be exact, and we had a lot in common. Eric told us he had two children, a boy and girl, and that he had lived in Bridgetown all of his life. We saw Orchids at the Orchid Garden which was beautiful. The Orchids were incredible but more than that it was simply a beautiful botanical garden with wonderful views of the farms in the center of the Island. We stopped at Bats Hill beach where we wadded in the water and got silly as we picked up coral rock. We saw a troop of monkeys with young ones trailing along. The little ones apparently knew we had a camera because they immediately started jumping, running and falling over each other in their efforts to show off. Actually they weren’t all that different from some other little ones I know. After nearly 3 hours we returned to the port and our staterooms tired and trying to make sense of our amazing morning adventure. What could have been a disaster turned into a time of welcoming and communion.

So often we expect the worst of people and such self-fulfilling prophecies often come true, we get what we expect. Yesterday I learned a valuable lesson that people everywhere are good, honest and hardworking, offering up kindness unlooked-for, resulting in lives touching each other in amazing ways that wouldn’t have happened any other way.

In our interpretation of Mathew 25:35 we most often think of ourselves as being the ones doing the welcoming, or the delivering of kindness. We most often forget that receiving the welcome and generosity of another is a grace filled gift that opens our hearts as much as being the donor. Yesterday I was the stranger in need and I was blessed with the gift of welcome and the company of new friends.

I am not one who believes in coincidence but I do believe accidents are used by the Holy Spirit to touch people with grace and forgiveness in ways that could not happen any other way. I accidentally dropped my wallet in a cab and as a result the lives of 5 people crossed and touched each other for reasons only the Holy Spirit knows. The result for us was an adventure and lives briefly touching and gracing each other with friendship and charity.

Yesterday I was the stranger and the recipient; maybe tomorrow I will be the donor of the grace of welcome either way both offer grace, blessings and life to the recipients and receiver. May all of you be blessed with the receiving or offering of the gift of welcome.

Ruth Jewell ©December 17, 2012

A Cloud of Witnesses

Posted on November 6, 2012November 6, 2012 by a quiet walk

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before

13:2 Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it. (NRSV)

Last Sunday at Queen Anne Christian Church, Christian Church (Disciples of Christ), we celebrated All Saints Day by remembering all those who have gone before us to their reward. Now in the Disciples church All Saints day is not usually a day we celebrate. It’s not that we don’t remember those who have gone ahead of us but we Disciples often pick other days to remember them, such as Memorial Day, Thanksgiving Sunday, Veterans Day, or a day that holds meaning for a particular congregation. Queen Anne does this on the Sunday following November 1^st and this year that day was Sunday November 4^th.

I don’t want you to think I’m making light of this memorial, I’m not. I just want you to understand that for many Disciples the remembrance of our passed on saints is anytime we call them to mind and recognize their influence in our lives. Pastor Laurie demonstrated that belief in a unique way during her sermon. She handed out slips of paper with a picture of a tree on it and asked us to draw leaves that represented the saints in our lives, past and present. With pencil or pen in hand all of us began diagramming who in our lives had the most influence. As I was writing mine the above 2 verses of Hebrews came to mind, mainly because I was so amazed at the number of people I considered part of my “cloud of witnesses” and “saints.”

I of course had to put my father at the base of the tree because he was my first real spiritual teacher, but, along with him there is the minister that first allowed me to really question my theology and not give me answers. There are the surgeons who treated me and saved my life when I was 6 when I was severely burnt, nor can I forget my first grade teacher Miss. Wooster, who was handicapped and warmly welcomed into her class this little girl who was swathed in bandages. These saints were the first to model the act of being compassionate and merciful; they wouldn’t be the last.

On my tree are the names of my elderly neighbors who taught me the joy of just being alive. Winnie and Joe took life as it came, the good and the bad, and made the most of the time they had on earth. They were a generous couple who shared their lives with me, my husband and any dog that walked into their lives. In fact I don’t believe either of them ever met a dog they didn’t like. Winnie’s motto was “dogs rule” and in her house they did.

I added authors I’ve never met but have read and learned so much from. At the roots of my tree there are the Founders of my tradition Alexander Campbell and Barton Stone whose theology of ecumenism has rung through my life like a bell and is the corner stone of my faith. There theology was passed down to me through my Great-great grandparents, Great Uncle, grandparents, and parents and now my time has come to pass it on, like a torch. Farther up the tree are authors, teachers, friends and people I can no longer name but remember their teachings. There are political leaders too such as John F. Kennedy whose life and death left a great impression on me and next to him is President Obama who tries to be as forthright as he can in very difficult situations and I recognize his courage can also be a model for me. There are so many more it is impossible to name them all and the tree just isn’t big enough.

The author of Hebrews tells us we are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses and that we need to remember to be gracious and liberal with our hospitality because we never know when the stranger will be one of our saints who teach us something new. But I think there is something we often don’t think about and that is the influence we have on others. What if by our hospitality we have changed the stranger and we become the saint. Have you ever thought you could be a witness to the love of G-d?

Modesty, shyness or social convention often keeps us from thinking we might be a “saint” for someone else. In fact we are often taught to take little notice of how we help others because we aren’t supposed to take credit or be proud of what we do. Remember the old chestnut “pride goeth before the fall?” Pride was one of the 7 deadly sins and was to be controlled at all cost. But Jesus never taught that, in fact he wanted people to be models of his “new way” of living and you can’t do that if you hide. Jesus says don’t put your light under a bushel rather place it on a hill for all to see. The fact of the matter is, it takes hard work and practice to be hospitable to unpleasant people in difficult situations but it is that kindness and mercy that starts the change in the other and it began with you.

All of the people on my tree didn’t think they were saints or witnesses, but they were. They modeled a way of life I wanted to emulate. They may not have ever heard of Hebrews or Micah but they lived their lives as if they did and that’s what is important. I meet people every day, sales clerks, teachers and fellow students, the homeless and how I treat them is a reflection of what I learned from my cloud of witnesses. I learned a smile and a thank you to store clerk can make their day; that offering my lunch to someone who is hungry on the street will fill a hungry place within. My witnesses and saints have taught me to be generous, kind, and merciful; giving me a way to walk with G-d that is serving me well and hopefully a good witness for someone else.

Who are your witnesses and saints? Can you fill out your own tree with people past and present who have made a difference in your life? Can you make another tree where your presence has made a difference in someone else’s life?

Think about and let me know.

NOTE: I don’t know where the links in the posting come from. I didn’t ask for them and I am trying to figure out how to get rid of them. I just wanted you to know I didn’t authorize them in any way.

TOO OLD?

Posted on October 8, 2012 by a quiet walk

Genesis 12:1-4 ¹Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you.²I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.³I will bless those who bless you, and the one who curses you I will curse; and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.”

⁴So Abram went, as the Lord had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he departed from Haran.

What does it mean to be “too old?” That is a question I have been pondering for the last several weeks. In early September I was supposed to travel to Switzerland to begin a four and half month period of study at the Ecumenical Institute in Bossey. I was accepted to the program by both the Ecumenical Institute and the University of Geneva all that I needed to complete the paper work was a visa for a temporary student residency from the Canton of Vaud. Unfortunately the letter I did receive was that they were going to deny me a visa because I was over the age of 30 (I’m 65) and they normally didn’t give temporary student residency visa to those over 30. They said I was already in the work force and therefore didn’t need to expand my learning skills. Needless to say I was stunned at the letter and even though I appealed this decision they still denied me entry.

I do not feel “old.” In fact I have just completed my Master’s of Divinity Degree and am looking forward to whatever G-d has planned for me. I still don’t know what that is but I’m sure G-d does. So am I at 65 old? Well yes, I am older than those in their 30’s or 40’s or 50’s but does that mean I should go and sit in a rocking chair? I do have a very nice one and I love to sit in it and read but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life doing that. I think G-d has more planned for me and that is something I have often felt when a change is in the air. In fact I was adding up how many different careers I’ve had in the last 40 years and I think this is my 5^th one. This Masters degree is my second one and the one I am the most fond of, the one I feel the most blessed to have achieved. I worked hard and earned this degree, it was never handed to me just because I was the oldest one in the room. So when do we stop learning, when do we become unable to be a gift to those around us, to all creation?

I don’t believe we ever stop learning or growing if we have the desire to do so. I don’t believe that G-d ever intended us to stop being partners in creation. The G-d I know doesn’t have a retirement plan and we never become redundant in the eyes of the Holy Spirit. In scripture it is rare for a young person to be the one called on by God. Abram, Sarah, Jacob, Moses, even Jesus were well into their adult years when they were called to be messengers and founders of our faith. Mohammed and the Buddha were also called late in life. It takes living to be able to understand the difficulties, joy, tears, and beauty of what it means to respond to a call of the Spirit. I’m not saying someone in their 20’s can’t do it, I’m simply saying in general the more life we experience the more compassion and patience we have and the more willing we are to offer mercy.

As a young adult I was very quick to make judgments and did not worrying about the consequences. As I’ve grown older I recognize what is really important in my life, allowing the smaller more insignificant things to simply take care of themselves. I have also learned that what I thought was important was not and that the important things are fewer but more precious.

I have since learned that age discrimination is not at all uncommon in Europe and that people who are of a “certain” age must retire and stop being productive citizens of the community. Age discrimination is also common in this country, but, we are changing simply because within the next 10 years there will be more people over the age of 65 than those who are younger. We in America are beginning to recognize the value of working long after what our parents and grandparents understood as retirement. I am at the beginning of the Baby-Boomer generation and those that come after me will rewrite the rules for what it means to grow old.

A growing life does not stop unless you turn away from it and let it die and I have seen that happen. I have seen educated productive individuals accept the image of age put on them, and let their advantage of wisdom wither on the vine. I however refuse to let that happen to me. I “will not go gently into that dark night” as Dylan Thomas so beautifully states it. God is not through with me yet. The Holy Spirit still has work for me and still speaks through me and my life. I will not let some small minded bureaucrat in some small office in Switzerland decide for me when I am no longer useful to my world.

So listen up people! Life is never done until you close your eyes for the last time and only G-d knows that date. Until then don’t listen to those who belittle you for being older. Stand up and be counted among the partners of G-d. Never stop learning; open a book, learn a new trade, start a new career. Our bodies may no longer let us do the physical work we once did but that doesn’t mean our minds have to diminish. Apply your hard earned years of wisdom to those who need it most. We, who have walked many rocky paths, have much compassion, justice and mercy to offer those who struggle in this world. Offer your wisdom and enthusiasm for life to them, they will be grateful. By the grace of the Holy Spirit we are a force to be reckoned with if we recognize the power we have in the life we give to others. Don’t waste it by sitting in that offered rocking chair; life is too precious for that.

A Swarm of Angels

Posted on August 22, 2012August 23, 2012 by a quiet walk

YouTube
On Eagles Wings by Michael Joncas 1979
Sung by Josh Groban

Psalm 91:9-12
9 Because you have made the LORD your refuge,
the Most High your dwelling-place,
10 no evil shall befall you,
no scourge come near your tent.
11 For God will command the angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.
12 On their hands they will bear you up,
so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.

Date: Wednesday August 15, 2012
Time: about 4:30 pm
Place: the office of Dr. Michel X

Dr. X: well, the ultrasound of your left carotid artery shows it is 80 to 90 percent blocked and I really don’t know how you have missed having a massive stroke. I want you in surgery tomorrow, so I am scheduling you for 9 am at ES hospital.

For a week now I’ve been trying to articulate what the events of August 15th -17th have honestly meant to me and with the greatest of difficulties I am writing now. For the last week I have responded to the news of emergency surgery and questions about it with a joke or a laugh as if it was just an everyday occurrence. It wasn’t and I know that. What I do know is for the last 5 to 6 years I have complained of several physical symptoms to a series of medical specialists and none of them correlated the symptoms with a blocked artery in my neck. In the last 5 years I have traveled extensively, had several medical procedures done, including surgeries, actively exercised and I NEVER HAD A STROKE. So what I am trying to understand is why me. What or who kept me protected.

When Dr. X came in to tell me I could go home he said “the blockage was so bad the blood flow in your left eye was reversed, you are so lucky to be alive and not incapacitated by a stroke.” I don’t believe ‘luck’ had anything to do with. I believe someone(s) was watching over me.

The hymn “On Eagles Wing” written by Michael Joncas in 1979 is based on Psalm 91 and Isaiah 40:31 and that hymn and Psalm popped into my head on Thursday morning just before surgery. Ok so you might say, it’s not so unusual for a person well versed in theology to think about a favorite hymn or a comforting piece of scripture in times of stress and maybe your right. Life is often about where you put your trust and the path your thoughts take in times of crises. But I will tell you this that when I let go of my fear and give it to that invisible, but tangible presence, I not only feel protected, I am protected. The trust I place in the Holy Spirit is not the kind of trust that says I’m going to be a millionaire, a celebrity, or live a life of ease. Those are things I might want but not need. The trust I’m talking about is trusting that what I NEED will be there, not what I want. It is also recognizing that what I think I need isn’t always what God thinks I need and that again comes down to the difference between “I want” and “I need.”

God needs me to follow the path laid out by Jesus and that is to do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly beside my God. That is my model for living. I must admit I don’t always follow that path. It seems I am always drifting off one side of the path or another and when I reach a fork in the road my ego is strong enough to take the wrong one. Such wanderings do make it difficult on the Holy Spirit in guiding me back to the path, the Great Divine is telling me all along the way back “if you had just gone the way I told you to this would have been a lot easier.” Problem is I’m not a good listener and I have a really poor memory. But, just as many people I do come home to the shelter of those comforting wings eventually, most often in times of trouble. Last week I came home real quick!

I don’t want you to think that simply giving into what I believe God wants will make my, or any, life easy because it won’t. In fact if I really follow the path laid out by Jesus, my life will have a heck of number of pitfalls, road blocks, crises, and just plain hard times. The thing of it is I probably won’t notice those hard times. I will see instead the joy of being a partner in God’s creation, the smiles on the faces of those who never had a friend before, and the satisfaction of knowing that something wrong has been made right. Its knowing life isn’t about me, it’s about being part of the plan, about feeling the presence and hearing a swarm of angel’s wings knowing I am just a small cog in a huge plan to bring everyone under the shelter of those wings.

I am grateful to be here to write this, I pray all of you will feel and hear your own angels as they guide you on your own path. May the grace of God go with you

Endings and Beginnings

Posted on July 22, 2012July 22, 2012 by a quiet walk

Yesterday was a day of endings and beginnings. At 12 noon I finished my last class at the School of Theology and Ministry, Seattle University. I still am not quite sure what that means to me but, to the school it means I have completed all of the requirements to complete my Masters of Divinity and actually could graduate. So it could mean that ordination in the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) is somewhere around the corner, at least as soon as the all important ordination paper is finished. Or it could mean I am going to enter some other ministry that doesn’t require ordination but is just as important to God as being ordained. My husband, bless his heart for his support in the last 5 years, wants me to spend time with him and the critters that live with us. Actually I think he has an ulterior motive, such as taking over cooking and housecleaning because he’s the one been doing those chores since I began this crazy trip.

But in reality God has already planned, at least, my near future and the near future for John. Graduation and ordination will have to wait because we are going to Switzerland in September where I will study at the Ecumenical Institute in Bossey Switzerland for four and half months, pursuing a graduate degree in Ecumenical Studies. For those of you who don’t know about the Ecumenical Institute, it is the educational arm of the World Council of Churches. Students from all over the world come to study the history, theology, and ethics of ecumenism as they live, study and play with each other in a unique community at Bossey.

This is a great honor the School of Theology and Ministry (STM) is giving me, because they and the Disciples Council on Christian Unity are sending me on this amazing adventure. It is a gift I did not expect and one I would not have pursued on my own because at 65 I believed younger people should have this opportunity. But my school, denomination, and yes God, believe differently.

I still cannot tell you what I make of all of this, but Jesus says “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust in me also.” (John 14:1) If Jesus says don’t worry, I guess I won’t worry. You might be saying this isn’t what most Disciples would say, and you just might be right. But, in the last five years (actually it’s more like the last 13 years) I’ve learned a thing or two about patience and trusting in God’s time rather than mine. God can be persistent when I am reluctant to go in a particular direction. This is the reason I waited until I was 60 before I started this degree! God kept asking, I kept saying “you’ve got to be kidding” and went and did what wanted. But, God is very patient and keeps pushing even when I say no. Let’s face it God just wore me down! Now I am about to do a new thing, yes I know I’m plagiarizing from Isaiah, and the reason is God says this is the path I want you to take, and quite honestly I’m just not going to fight this one, besides who turns down a trip to Switzerland. I will trust that God has some plan for my return and even though I don’t know what that is I am certain I will have something to do.

So what did I mean by “endings and beginnings?” Well, I may have ‘ended’ my time at STM but I am ‘beginning’ another adventure without knowing anything more than it is a beginning. It also means that even for someone who is at the age of retirement there is always something new just around the corner. You simply have to trust in the process of life God has so graciously gifted us with.

One thing I know is I want to take all of you on this adventure with me and I will be blogging about this trip through my time at the Ecumenical Institute. This is way too important to keep to myself and way too much fun. I need to share my thoughts and this is as good a place as any I know of. I would ask that you keep me in your prayers as John and I travel and live in a new environment. We will do the same for you as you travel your paths. Life can be funny, it has many twists and turns, it can be risky and somewhat scary but I guarantee it is never boring.

Peace to you