Soulful Nature

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Today I am offering not a prayer of my own making but rather one offered to me in my time of stress by a good friend. Soulful Nature is a Lakota Prayer that has brought me some peace. I hope it finds a place within you to offer you rest.

Soulful Nature

Wakan Tanka, Great Mystery,
teach me how to trust my heart,
my mind, my intuition,
my inner knowing,
the senses of my body,
the blessings of my spirit.
Teach me to trust these things
so that I may enter my Sacred Space
and love beyond my fear,
and thus Walk in Balance
with the passing of each glorious sun.
~Lakota Prayer~

The Sacred Space is the space between exaltation and inhalation.
To Walk in Balance is to have Heaven (spirituality) Earth (physicality) in Harmony

A Swarm of Angels

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YouTube
On Eagles Wings by Michael Joncas 1979
Sung by Josh Groban

Psalm 91:9-12
9 Because you have made the LORD your refuge,
the Most High your dwelling-place,
10 no evil shall befall you,
no scourge come near your tent.
11 For God will command the angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.
12 On their hands they will bear you up,
so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.

Date: Wednesday August 15, 2012
Time: about 4:30 pm
Place: the office of Dr. Michel X

Dr. X: well, the ultrasound of your left carotid artery shows it is 80 to 90 percent blocked and I really don’t know how you have missed having a massive stroke. I want you in surgery tomorrow, so I am scheduling you for 9 am at ES hospital.

For a week now I’ve been trying to articulate what the events of August 15th -17th have honestly meant to me and with the greatest of difficulties I am writing now. For the last week I have responded to the news of emergency surgery and questions about it with a joke or a laugh as if it was just an everyday occurrence. It wasn’t and I know that. What I do know is for the last 5 to 6 years I have complained of several physical symptoms to a series of medical specialists and none of them correlated the symptoms with a blocked artery in my neck. In the last 5 years I have traveled extensively, had several medical procedures done, including surgeries, actively exercised and I NEVER HAD A STROKE. So what I am trying to understand is why me. What or who kept me protected.

When Dr. X came in to tell me I could go home he said “the blockage was so bad the blood flow in your left eye was reversed, you are so lucky to be alive and not incapacitated by a stroke.” I don’t believe ‘luck’ had anything to do with. I believe someone(s) was watching over me.

The hymn “On Eagles Wing” written by Michael Joncas in 1979 is based on Psalm 91 and Isaiah 40:31 and that hymn and Psalm popped into my head on Thursday morning just before surgery. Ok so you might say, it’s not so unusual for a person well versed in theology to think about a favorite hymn or a comforting piece of scripture in times of stress and maybe your right. Life is often about where you put your trust and the path your thoughts take in times of crises. But I will tell you this that when I let go of my fear and give it to that invisible, but tangible presence, I not only feel protected, I am protected. The trust I place in the Holy Spirit is not the kind of trust that says I’m going to be a millionaire, a celebrity, or live a life of ease. Those are things I might want but not need. The trust I’m talking about is trusting that what I NEED will be there, not what I want. It is also recognizing that what I think I need isn’t always what God thinks I need and that again comes down to the difference between “I want” and “I need.”

God needs me to follow the path laid out by Jesus and that is to do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly beside my God. That is my model for living. I must admit I don’t always follow that path. It seems I am always drifting off one side of the path or another and when I reach a fork in the road my ego is strong enough to take the wrong one. Such wanderings do make it difficult on the Holy Spirit in guiding me back to the path, the Great Divine is telling me all along the way back “if you had just gone the way I told you to this would have been a lot easier.” Problem is I’m not a good listener and I have a really poor memory. But, just as many people I do come home to the shelter of those comforting wings eventually, most often in times of trouble. Last week I came home real quick!

I don’t want you to think that simply giving into what I believe God wants will make my, or any, life easy because it won’t. In fact if I really follow the path laid out by Jesus, my life will have a heck of number of pitfalls, road blocks, crises, and just plain hard times. The thing of it is I probably won’t notice those hard times. I will see instead the joy of being a partner in God’s creation, the smiles on the faces of those who never had a friend before, and the satisfaction of knowing that something wrong has been made right. Its knowing life isn’t about me, it’s about being part of the plan, about feeling the presence and hearing a swarm of angel’s wings knowing I am just a small cog in a huge plan to bring everyone under the shelter of those wings.

I am grateful to be here to write this, I pray all of you will feel and hear your own angels as they guide you on your own path. May the grace of God go with you

Ruth Jewell, ©August 22, 2012

Promises!

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filled to the brim

Isaiah 43:5a Do not fear, for I am with you

Promises!

The Lord said:
She created me, formed me
Tells me “Don’t fear”
She calls me by name and I am hers
I will not be overwhelmed
I can walk through all dark shadows,
and dangerous paths,
I will not be harmed
She ransomed me, bought me
Rescued me from my enemies
Because, She loves me, . . . ME!
I will not fear because GOD is with me

©Ruth Jewell, June 26, 2012 Continue reading Promises!

June Thoughts

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“And God saw that it was good.”
Genesis 1:18b (NRSV)

June is the month of the summer solstice, Mid-Summer, a time of picnics, camping and celebrations of the earth’s abundance.   But here in Washington it never seems very celebratory to me.  After all we have only just begun having warm weather and I always think it’s unfair that the world is turning to winter before summer even begins.   Here in our beloved northwest summer often comes and goes before we even have warm weather, fall and spring are often non-existent and, winter rains and snow hang on with a vise like grip.  We often seem to be just a little out of synch with the rest of the country; warm when everyone else is cool and way too cool when everyone else is scorching.  What’s worse is if we wait 15 minutes everything will change around us.  What was the creator thinking when She formed the American Northwest? Our changing land and weather must bring great joy and laughter to the Creator.

Yet when the sky clears and the sun shines in a canopy of blinding blue we know the special blessing of our home.   We live in a graced land of diversity.  Mountains so high they have snow on them all year, yet deep within their hearts lies the fire of the planet; ground that seems solid beneath our feet yet can shake like a bowl of jelly turning our world upside down. Inviting looking lakes so cold with water from snow melt you can’t swim in them for very long without protection.  An ocean with depths that hide a treasure of animal life found nowhere else like giant octopus nearly as intelligent as we are and whales and salmon of course, can’t forget the salmon.  So I guess God knew what she was doing when she created the magical land we live in.  Each season whether they be hot or cold, wet or dry, cloudy or blinding sun bright gives character, beauty, challenges, change and balance,  . . . life to the place we call home.

The summer solstice, longest day of the year is a time to enjoy the beauty of life in abundance.  Yet it is also the beginning of shorter days and the slide down to winter rains, and snowy days.  The creator never wants us to be bored; always there is change in the air.  The rich smell of roses will change into the smell of wood smoke on the wind and icy blasts will bring the smell of snow and rain down from the mountains; all to be repeated next year.  Change, is what keeps us alive and on June 20th the Earth will begin again to tip away from the warmth of Mother Sun.  But today celebrate the light, revel in the warmth, for tomorrow change will come, to the mountains, the sea, and the land.  Enjoy today the smell of fresh mown grass and roses and listen to song of the robin and of water falling over rock. Tomorrow will bring more change, so live in the moment, enjoy the now, and wait with breathless anticipation for the change that comes tomorrow.

mid-summer

The smell of roses fill the air
and Iris dance in the twilight
of Mid-summer evening
Children race through
the meadow, rings of daisy’s
crown their heads
Creator smiles
blows blessing on the wind
bringing
forgetfulness
of winter past

Ruth Jewell ©June 2012

WATCH DOG

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Come in old friend
It’s time to rest you feet
And let the ghosts pass by
Come in and rest your weary body

Lay your head in my lap
Let me stroke your soft ears, and
Feel your loving heart …
Beat

Come in Old Friend
Rest by the fire, and
Dream of days long past
As the flames dance in your eyes

Ruth Jewell ©April 15, 2012

Writers Block

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I am restless today!  Maybe it’s the sunshine outside calling to me, maybe I’m burnt out with class work and writing papers, or maybe I’ve got to many things on my mind to concentrate.  And, focusing and concentration is what I need to do right now.   Two papers are due for a class on Wednesday and I have put off writing them in some rather inventive ways and some not so inventive.

Going to Church of course is always a great excuse for not writing, so is the fact that I have a cold and therefore out of sorts and of course taking time out to write a blog takes up time.  But my greatest procrastination technique is to pretend I’m meditating.  Who knew how much time the space of silence can fill when I need to write, but can’t.  When I fall asleep during silent prayer I can always say “God knows what my body needs and apparently it was rest.”  And, when I’m caught snoring I have been known to repeat Romans 8:26 “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words.”  No one believes me of course but it makes me feel better, even if it isn’t what Paul meant.

I often wonder from what depth I drag up the words to put on paper, at other times the lake is way too shallow to allow anything worthwhile from surfacing, and today appears to be one the shallow days.  Did Paul have this problem or did the words always come forth?  From what I’ve read of Paul my guess is he struggled with words as well and just like everyone else who uses WORDS to live by Paul had his good days and bad days.  I think Parker Palmer in the forward to his book The Courage to Teach, (Jossey-Bass Publishers, 2007) says it best; “I doubt that I have ever published a page that has not been refried eight or ten or twelve times.”  Yes writing and re-writing is the primary tool of anyone who creates with words.  My motto is if it’s worth writing, it’s worth writing over and over again and my guess is that’s every writer’s motto.  Right now I’m in sixth rewrite and the whole thing still stinks!

I was hoping that writing an entry for my blog would jog (oooo, that rhymes, good for me!) my creative juices.  But, I still feel restless and just want to run as far from my computer as I can get.  Now what else can I do to procrastinate, ah yes clean my study, straighten my books, pet the dog and play with my parrots.  How about another cup of tea, always good for my cold, or just a glass of cold water anything to lubricate my brain in order to get these stupid papers (oh my, did I just say that?) done.

Ok, let me rethink this paper business.  This is my last academic quarter and I have to admit I am burnt out, so I am going to forgive myself for being a little, well more than a little, bit of a procrastination and just relax.  I know it will come (it always does), so I’m going to and get that third cup of tea take a walk and come back when I feel closer to who I am, and not what I think the professor wants.  See you all later.

Ruth Jewell ©April 2012

Meditation on Genesis 9:8-17

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Many years ago a little girl was critically injured when she accidentally pulled a deep fat fryer down on top of her.  As the child’s father picked her up and rushed to a sink to cool the burning oil a face appeared just over his shoulders.  A golden face that said “hush I promise everything will be alright” and the little girl believed it was so.  Through years of pain, ridicule, and self-doubt, the little girl remembered that promise and learned promises are kept and life can be good.

Promises, we make them every day of our lives, some we keep, some we have no intention of keeping, and some are just too important not to keep.  In this morning’s scripture we learn God, too, makes promises and God goes so far as to place a marker in the sky, a rainbow, to remind God, not humans, but God, that a promise was for keeping.

What is interesting about this beautiful bow placed in the sky is it’s not about a promise that humans keep, but one kept by God with all of creation, humans, animals, everything that lives, grows, walks, swims, and fly’s to never again destroy the world by flood.  It is not a sign that humans changed after the flood, it’s the sign that God changed.

Oh, I know, I’ve heard the arguments of the unchanging God that rules the universe, but here in these words I’m telling you that God adapted to a creation that just wasn’t going to fit into the box God wanted.

The story of the flood is the tale of a broken heart, God’s heart.   God’s creation has not turned out as God expected and the reader of the flood story is invited to look deeply into the heart of God and recognize there is no anger there only grief at how God’s beloved creation has separated itself from its Creator.  It is God who says “I failed” and it is God that is troubled by the evil heart of humankind.  This is a heart to heart look between humankind and God and how what happens between humans and God touches both hearts.

But our story today is not about the flood it’s about after the flood, the waters of chaos have subsided, the animals have returned to the earth. Noah is wondering what to do next, especially with all of those rabbits he now has since he failed separate the two he started with, and then God speaks.

“Noah”

“Yes God”

I’m going to make promise to you, all of your descendents, and all of the Earth for all time”

“A promise God, to us, what could you promise us? Aren’t we supposed to promise you?”

“No this is my promise.  I am going to promise that I will never again destroy the earth with a flood, and to show you that I will keep my promise I will disarm and hang my unstrung bow in the sky.  This bow will appear after every rain storm and when I see it I will remember my promise to you and all creation. This is my everlasting promise that I make between me and all creation and never again will I send the waters of chaos to destroy the Earth.”

God the great all-powerful, all-knowing, divine being, puts a boundary on the God self and makes a promise. At the same time makes this promise God binds God’s self to an imperfect creation in a way that depends on God developing a relationship with creation.  God has changed from an all-powerful God to a protector, a patient, and loving self-giving God. A God who has invested everything God has in a creation that God recognizes will most likely never be the creation of God’s dreams.   This is a God who takes an interest in the lives of the created and prays that someday all creation will be co-creators with God in a universal cosmos.

Yet even knowing creation is not what God expected God doesn’t abandon the creation God loves so much.  Instead God becomes the guide and patient teacher.  Intervening when necessary to pull the beloved creation back the path God hopes will lead it back to the Garden God once planted.

Throughout history God has cajoled, threatened, punished, forgiven and blessed the creation made in God’s likeness.  What happens to the people God cares so much about God knows happens to all creation but God offers forgiveness, blessings, and grace all in the hope that someday God’s greatest creation will finally wake up to the presence of life freely given.

God’s self-giving reached its climax 2000 years ago in the life of a poor carpenter.  In Jesus life, suffering, death, and resurrection is the renewal of the promise that new life is possible when we Re‑member with God. Lent is our journey in that process, a time to remember God’s vulnerability along with our own. A time to remember God wants a relationship with us. And to grow that relationship all we have to do is care for each other and all of creation.  I know that sounds simple to do, but this will the hardest journey you will ever make, for you will have to break open your own hearts and recognize your part in the separation from your Creator. It is a long journey and it will take many Lent’s to accomplish, but it’s a trip worth taking.

The burnt, scarred little girl has been making that journey all her life. Sometimes she gets close to breaking open her heart to God and sometimes she walks away. But she’s not giving up, the stakes are too high.  What keeps that little girl moving is the knowledge she isn’t alone on the trip. She has had many travel companions who come and go in her life-giving her support and comfort on the path. But, most of all she knows that a promise was made many years ago that “everything would be alright” and she believed.

God made a promise to Noah and all of creation for all time, God has kept that promise.  God made a promise to a little girl, and God has kept that promise.  God keeps promises, to Noah, his descendents, all of creation, a little girl, to each of you and to us all.  Forgiveness, Blessings and Grace are the results of those promises.  The path to God is there, and God waits for all of us to follow it.

Ruth A Jewell, ©February 26, 2012

On A Metaphor of Amma Syncletica, a Desert Mother

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The life of faith looks like a mother bird brooding her eggs and waiting expectantly for them to hatch.  For all we know, the mother bird has moments when it seems like nothing is happening.  There are moments when real boredom sets in and the temptation to leave the eggs and do something more interesting arises.  (Mary C. Earle; The Desert Mothers, Spiritual Practices from the Women of the Wilderness, Morehouse Publishing, Harrisburg, NY, 2007, pg 22)

This week with all the snow and my inability to get out and about has reminded me of Amma Syncletica’s story.  Here I am “stuck” in the house and brooding about when this stuff will melt.  Amma Syncletica would tell me this is an opportunity to sit and listen for a word from God and I’m sure she would say quit wasting your opportunities!

Two of the most frequently asked questions about spiritual practices are “how do I quiet my mind and how do I stop fidgeting?  These two questions are as old as meditation itself and all spiritual practices, and the only answer I’ve ever heard for either of them is to “there is no right way to do this except practice, keep doing them until you discover for yourself that which draws you into your deepest being.”  My problem with this answer is it’s so vague, it could mean anything, but I also know that it is true and right.  The only way to become proficient at any Spiritual Practice is to “practice” that’s why it’s called a practice.

In the last 4 days I have sat and quieted my mind and stilled my heart but suddenly I am remembering something I have to do, only I can’t because I can’t get to where I need to be.  Such moments in our lives are sources of frustration and are filled with “have to’s” and need to’s.”  I have been, we have been, given the opportunity to slow down and listen, for that quiet word of the Spirit being whispered to us every day, but too busy to listen for, rather than the lists in our heads.

Yes being still is a problem, especially when you have an active family, or a job that provides our families with the things we use to survive.  If you only take 5 or 10 minutes out of your day to sit and stare out the window at the white wonderland, over a cup of steaming coffee or tea, letting the days troubles take care of themselves for a few moments, you will find you are more centered within and able to cope.  Don’t worry about mental intrusions, acknowledge them and let them go, let the stillness of the winter’s day, enter into your life for just a moment.  It might take a few days, and for some of us a few weeks, to get to that still point, but when you do you may just hear the whisper of the Spirit.

Peace and Blessings to you all

©Ruth Jewell, January 20, 2012

A Pre-Christmas Meditation

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Luke 1:78-79
78By the tender mercy of our God, 
the dawn from on high will break upon us,
79to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
to guide our feet into the way of peace.”

     It is the first full day of winter, Christmas is just 3 days away and the sun has just broken over the trees to the east of us; it is a bright, cold, winters morning.  I’ve been re-reading the above scripture from Luke as I watch the sun climb into the sky. We used these verses yesterday for our prayer group Lectio Divina and I haven’t been able to get them out of my mind, therefore, I ‘m not supposed to.  I NEED to continue to consider what they mean to me.

These are the last two verses of the prophecy Zechariah speaks when John (the Baptist) is presented to the temple.  Mind you these are the first words Zechariah has spoken for 9 months so he’s put a lot of thought into this moment.  This is part of the Christmas Story we don’t hear much of yet it is a beautiful piece and one worth remembering.  John after all is the one who announces the coming of the Messiah and, in the synoptic Gospels, baptizes him. (Just in case you’ve never noticed there is no baptism in the Gospel of John.) John also recognizes the divinity of Jesus from the womb when the pregnant Mary approaches Elizabeth.  So John has a role in this divine birth narrative.   

     While the prophecy Zechariah speaks tells us his son will be the one to prepare the way for the Messiah, these two verses are really about the coming role of the Messiah, the light that will shine in darkness.  Zechariah knows what it is like to be in darkness; from the day Gabriel announced to him he’d have a son he had been unable to speak.  For a Jewish Priest the inability to speak is a kind of darkness, for being unable to speak the words of God is like putting out the light for those who need the comfort of the WORD.   These two verses don’t refer to sunlight, they refer to Son Light, and the WORD spoken that draws us out of our darkest moments, pulling us away from the death of a life lived in the shadows.

The footnote for verse 78 tells us that there is another ancient interpretation of line two, “… the dawn from on his has broken upon us,”  instead of “… The dawn from on high will break upon us,” and that changes the meaning of the two verses.   I happen to like the ancient version of that line because it means there is no waiting for the Good News, it is now, always has been now.  We have never had to wait for the WORD, all we’ve had to do is open our ears, eyes, hearts, and listen.

The birth of Jesus is the embodiment of the Divine, the Holy Spirit, who wanted us to see the WORD that had been repeated over and over again by messengers throughout the ages.  But Jesus added to the Spirits message, He just didn’t speak the words, and berate those who had fallen away; he acted the WORDS, which was a significant change in the game plan for G-D.  No longer are we to hear the message we are to act it out.  If we are to honor the Child in the manger then we must do more that kneel and give homage. We are to remember Jesus was born homeless and poor, which means that the light, the words we offer, must lead the homeless and poor, in body and spirit, out of the darkness.

I have always had a love/hate relationship with the Christmas Season.  I dislike the gift giving, the hoopla, the commercials, and the insincerity of the greetings people give.  I have always wondered how I will change to make this moment meaningful for myself and for those I love.  I finally have come to the conclusion giving expensive gifts and preparing an overly elaborate dinner is not Christmas.  That does nothing to honor the dawn that has broken upon us.  So this year I offer my gifts to the homeless and the poor.  The money for dinner went to feed the poor.  That is my Christmas gift to family and friends, the light of the WORD acted out. I know I can’t care for all of the poor, homeless, or mentally ill, there are too many and they tug at my heart.  I want to gather them all up, human and non-human, and hold them, give them warm clothes, good meal, and a safe place to rest.  I can only offer what little I have.

Holy Spirit, love was born that night in a stable and the WORD became visible to all who could see.  I pray that now in the messiness of emphatic change in how we hear and see the spirit we will all gather at the manger and offer not gifts of gold, or IPods, or gameboys, but rather offer love, compassion, mercy, and justice for those whose have lived in darkness for too long. My prayer is I will hear you, touch you and listen with an open heart, ear and eye.  May my mouth be opened to offer the overflowing love you have given me, let me be the shepherd to guide people on the path to your peace.

©Ruth Jewell, December 22, 2011

A CHRISTMAS MESSAGE

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This has been an odd Christmas for me.  Usually by this time I’ve baked cookies and stollen, prepared pie crusts, wrapped dozens of presents and decorated the house.  None of that has occurred, all I really want to do is sit and read and listen for the silence.  Just before Thanksgiving one of my friends was talking about celebrating an “it’s not my birthday Christmas,” where instead of presents for yourself you ask for gifts for a charity.   I’ve given that quite some thought and I like that idea.

I’ve really always disliked receiving presents anyway, they are usually things I don’t need and often don’t want.   And, while I would give great thought to the gifts I gave I often felt the recipients of my gifts had the same feeling.   So this year I’ve done things a bit differently.  Instead of buying gifts for family and friends, I told them I was giving, in their name, a gift to the Chief Seattle Club, a day shelter for homeless urban Native Americans and First Nations Peoples.  I asked that instead of gifts for me that they would either send a gift for the Chief Seattle Club or give a gift in my name to a charity of their choice.  No wrapping, no shopping, no shipping and someone who really needs our gifts would receive them.  In addition since I wasn’t going to cook a big dinner I gave the money I would have spent to the Chief Seattle Club for their Christmas dinner.  I don’t think I’ve enjoyed preparing and giving a gift so much in my whole life.

Yes, I know I haven’t done my part for the economic recovery and as a result someone somewhere may not have my few pennies for their Christmas.  But shouldn’t Christmas be a time of reflection and not consumerism, a time to remember the graces given to us by God throughout the year and offer our gifts of thanks to the Christ Child.  As I remember, it isn’t what you give but how you give that matters.  Tradition tells us that Jesus was born in a stable and laid manger, he was poor and homeless most of his life and giving gifts to those who can’t provide for themselves seems like the proper offering to the Child in the hay.  As I was dropping off my gifts at the Chief Seattle Club I had to turn away homeless men who also wanted my gifts but I am unable to feed and clothe all of the homeless, and I wonder sometimes if God understands there are too many people who can’t care for themselves and that there are way too many people who tug at my heart.  I wish I had more to give.  If I had the billions that some people had I would go from homeless shelter to homeless shelter just handing out gifts, but I don’t, and I don’t know what to do about that.  I do the best I can and hope that is good enough.

So what will I be doing for Christmas?  Well, I will be in church offering a gift of another kind, prayers and service.  As an Intern Pastor I am participating in the Christmas Eve and Christmas Day service at Queen Anne Christian Church, Seattle, WA.  I am grateful to be able to give to those who come to the services prayer, song and love and I am honored to read a Christmas Story I wrote a number of years ago titled “The Innkeeper” on Christmas Day.

May you be filled with the blessings of the Christ Child and may you pass on those blessings to those who are hungry, cold, suffering and/or homeless.  For it is more blessed to give than to receive.

Peace and Love this Christmas Season

©Ruth Jewell, December 19, 2011