I am restless today! Maybe it’s the sunshine outside calling to me, maybe I’m burnt out with class work and writing papers, or maybe I’ve got to many things on my mind to concentrate. And, focusing and concentration is what I need to do right now. Two papers are due for a class on Wednesday and I have put off writing them in some rather inventive ways and some not so inventive.
Going to Church of course is always a great excuse for not writing, so is the fact that I have a cold and therefore out of sorts and of course taking time out to write a blog takes up time. But my greatest procrastination technique is to pretend I’m meditating. Who knew how much time the space of silence can fill when I need to write, but can’t. When I fall asleep during silent prayer I can always say “God knows what my body needs and apparently it was rest.” And, when I’m caught snoring I have been known to repeat Romans 8:26 “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words.” No one believes me of course but it makes me feel better, even if it isn’t what Paul meant.
I often wonder from what depth I drag up the words to put on paper, at other times the lake is way too shallow to allow anything worthwhile from surfacing, and today appears to be one the shallow days. Did Paul have this problem or did the words always come forth? From what I’ve read of Paul my guess is he struggled with words as well and just like everyone else who uses WORDS to live by Paul had his good days and bad days. I think Parker Palmer in the forward to his book The Courage to Teach, (Jossey-Bass Publishers, 2007) says it best; “I doubt that I have ever published a page that has not been refried eight or ten or twelve times.” Yes writing and re-writing is the primary tool of anyone who creates with words. My motto is if it’s worth writing, it’s worth writing over and over again and my guess is that’s every writer’s motto. Right now I’m in sixth rewrite and the whole thing still stinks!
I was hoping that writing an entry for my blog would jog (oooo, that rhymes, good for me!) my creative juices. But, I still feel restless and just want to run as far from my computer as I can get. Now what else can I do to procrastinate, ah yes clean my study, straighten my books, pet the dog and play with my parrots. How about another cup of tea, always good for my cold, or just a glass of cold water anything to lubricate my brain in order to get these stupid papers (oh my, did I just say that?) done.
Ok, let me rethink this paper business. This is my last academic quarter and I have to admit I am burnt out, so I am going to forgive myself for being a little, well more than a little, bit of a procrastination and just relax. I know it will come (it always does), so I’m going to and get that third cup of tea take a walk and come back when I feel closer to who I am, and not what I think the professor wants. See you all later.
Ruth Jewell ©April 2012
A Quiet Walk 