I Am Tired of Crying

Posted on by a quiet walk

For the last two months I have been in tears or close to tears. Every time I hear of someone dying unnecessarily from the Covid virus because they are poor, an immigrant, or an indigenous person, I cry. Every time I hear someone has to go to work without the proper health care or safety precautions because they need to survive, I cry. Every time I hear of a black man, woman, or child being harassed by a police officer who should not be on the streets, I cry. Every time I hear of a black man, or woman being killed by police officers who have no place carrying a badge, I cry. Every time I hear a person of color cry out “I can’t breathe,” I cry. Every time I hear of a political leader speak callous, cruel words because they want to exert their power, I cry. Every time our state or federal legislators refuse to acknowledge the humanity of every person in this country, Black, brown, yellow, white, womxn, man, LGBQT, or differently abled because they are poor or just different, I cry. Every time I hear white men with guns verbally and physically abusing those who disagree with them, I cry. 

I am tired of crying.

All I want are the children of this country to grow up without tears, without pain, and without suffering. I want each child to know that those in authority care for them no matter their skin color, religious affiliation, or who they are. I want every child to know they are loved, cared for, because without the children we have no future, no life, no anything.

All I want are the people to recognize how racism, hate, white privilege and white supremacy are destroying our country. All I want is each person to be seen for who they are rather than what someone labels them. I want an end to the injustice meted out to people only because they are different from those who wrongly call themselves the elite. I want people to see each other as members of the same species, Homo sapiens sapiens, not different, all the same. I want the insanity of hate and greed of those in power to end. Is that too much to ask for?

I am tired of crying.

I am a white womxn, an old white womxn and am no longer able to go into the streets and carry banners, but I can scream, really loud.  I am screaming right now, through my tears. 

STOP HURTING EACH OTHER!
STOP KILLING EACH OTHER!
STOP TREATING EACH OTHER AS LESS THAN YOU!

START CARING FOR EACH OTHER!

START HOLDING EACH OTHER!

START FINDING HOW EACH OF YOU ARE ALIKE!

START LOVING EACH OTHERS’ DIFFERENCES!

BLACK LIVES MATTER!

WOMXNS’ LIVES MATTER!

HISPANIC LIVES MATTER!

ASIAN LIVES MATTER!

INDIGINEOUS LIVES MATTER!

LGBQT LIVES MATTER!

THE DIFFERENTLY ABLED LIVES MATTER!

YOU MATTER!

Ruth Jewell, ©June 1, 2020

I Apologize

Posted on by a quiet walk

I have been watching the protests, the reports of the violence and I am heartbroken and angry all at once. I am ashamed of white people who have profited from the abuse and suppression of Black lives, and all persons of color who seem to think that creating chaos and violence will make people of color submit to their will. I want to see them severely punished for disrupting peaceful demonstrations held in the memory of lives abused, oppressed, marginalized. 

But I too am white, and I have benefited from my privilege as a white person. Whether or not I have directly done anything, at some level I AM also responsible for marginalizing, abusing, and oppressing blacks and other peoples of color.

Whenever I have been silent in the face of abuse, walked on the other side of the street in fear, or purchased products at “reasonable rates” I have contributed to the culture of racism. I can claim I had no choice in how others are treated. I can claim that I am afraid of somone in a black skin. I can say at least those who make my clothes have a job, or it’s not my business, but that is just to make me feel better. It does nothing to change the cultural systems that perpetrate them.

For thousands of years, communities have allowed so called leaders to dominate, abuse, and, in most cases, enslave them, all in the name of community safety. When communities began to resist that enslavement, they turned to the communities around them. When white populations resisted systematic oppression, those rulers turned to Africa and the indigenous populations. They destroyed communities as old and culturally advanced as Europe’s and after the destruction lying that they never existed. Racism was created only because white leaders, and their willing communities, wanted cheap labor, and someone to feel superior to.

We who are white have much to repent for. We have perpetrated the lies of racism for hundreds of years. We have perpetrated lies of less intelligence, less sophistication, less humanity for hundreds of years. There is only one human species, Homo sapien sapien, all humans are brothers and sisters, all have the same humanity.

My black friends are different from me only in their passions, there interests, there desire to do things in ways different from me. What they do differently complements what I do, that is why we are community. My black, brown, yellow sisters and brothers are not objects for ridicule, abuse, or enslavement, rather they are kind, compassionate, loving, merciful, peaceful, intelligent, amazing people who I am proud to call friends.

I apologize to all my friends, Blacks and persons of color, if I have ever, ever, been less than respectful of your humanity. I hope you will forgive me for my stupidity and I will, I am, trying very hard to be a better defender and ally for you in your struggle to end the injustices being perpetrated today, and right the injustices of the last 4 hundred years. All I ask for is your forgiveness.

Ruth Jewel, ©May 31, 2020