Last weekend was a busy one. I have 4 amazing friends all four who chose that weekend to marry. Not only that but one of the brides from Sunday officiated and married the first two on Saturday. Just how cool is that! None of this would have even been possible if R 74 had not passed and it would have been, and it was, a crime that these 4 beautiful, intelligent and loving women were unable to publically celebrate their love just as every other loving couple does. It is with gratitude and thanks to the people of Washington State who past R 74. If any of you ask was it worth it? All you have to do is look at the faces of these 4 beautiful people.
On January 23 Heather and Aubrey celebrated their commitment and love with great fanfare and joy. On Sunday January 24 ML and Judy celebrated their 19 years together with a joyful ceremony of commitment and love. So with great love, congratulations and the raising of the wedding cup I congratulate the joining of two couples who belong together.
Heather and Aubrey may you live long lives together. May the strength you gain from each other sustain you over the rough places in your journey, and may your hearts soar together when all is smooth sailing.
ML and Judy, over the last 19 years you have loved each other unconditionally even when our state said you couldn’t. Such love deserves to be recognized and celebrated. God blessed your union 19 years ago and you have waited long enough to celebrate that blessing. Thank you for sharing your joy with the rest of us.
As each of you travel together on life’s journey may the Holy Spirit surround you, may Christ lift you up if you stumble, and may God hold you in palm of Her hand whenever you are weary. Shalom my friends.
For the last several weeks I have been trying to make sense of the tragedy of Newtown Connecticut and all the rest of the massacres before and since Newtown. I am especially confused by America’s fascination with guns and I must admit I don’t understand. Why do we need to have everyone armed? I keep thinking people who carry handguns, or own automatic or semi-automatic weapons are feeding a deep seated inadequacy and guns allow them to feel powerful. I wouldn’t call such people cowards but they obviously have fear issues that they blow way out of proportion to what the real world offers. And, if someone thinks 6 and 7 year olds are a threat to your life then you really need to see a professional and get counseling.
The NRA tells us that more guns are the solution to our problem of gun violence, and I respectfully question their thinking and sanity. How can more guns on the street prevent gun violence? It didn’t in 1800’s and it won’t now. Wasn’t it Wyatt Earp in Dodge City who banned guns in town and reduced the level of violence that the town was famous for? How does the NRA support such a ridiculous statement?
While I am primarily a vegetarian I accept the fact that some people still hunt for food, especially in Alaska. But, I just don’t see the sport in killing a living animal. In the lower 48 is it really necessary to go out and kill an animal for food these days? Can’t people get the same thrill of “hunting” using a camera to “bring home your trophies? After all you’re in the same outdoor environment and it takes as much, or more, skill to get a good picture than it does to kill an animal.
I am at a loss as to why anyone would own any weapon other than a single shot rifle. Everything else is only good for killing another human being. Unless, of course, you want shredded deer meat you aren’t going to use an automatic rifle to go deer hunting and I can’t imagine what such a weapon would do to bird.
Unless you have to hunt to put food on your table then there is no excuse or reason to own a gun. If you are a collector then all your specimens should be permanently disabled and securely locked up to prevent them from being used at any time.
I am afraid that just like everyone else I don’t have answers other than to say this country needs massive group counseling for paranoia. The world can be a scary place when you don’t know what tomorrow brings. But in my experience tomorrow is never as bad as the “so called experts” say it will be and contrary to all rumors the world will not end if individuals do not own weapons used only for killing people.
Gun violence isn’t about guns, it’s about people, individuals and groups, who see the worst in the future and can’t imagine a world that embraces life rather than death. I have great pity for such people for they live in a world I am totally unfamiliar with. Such people are sick and should be treated as such, with compassion and sympathy and help for their fears that feed their paranoia. So maybe that is my solution – group therapy for people who own guns. I don’t think it would hurt and maybe it would help those who feel a false sense of fear feeding their personal inadequacy, which leads to paranoia, which leads to violence. Maybe, just maybe, there would be fewer massacres such as Newtown, Portland, Colorado, Seattle, Tacoma, there are too many to name. Sick people use guns to kill other people, I get that, but what I don’t get is why we don’t address the root cause and that is, unreasoning fear and paranoia in large numbers of people in this country. We need to address that issue, and then guns won’t matter.
Mark 14:36 36He said, ‘Abba,* Father, for you all things are possible; remove this cup from me; yet, not what I want, but what you want.’
I know Advent is only a few weeks away (have you done your Christmas shopping yet?) but it is this verse from Mark that has played over and over in my mind for weeks now. Jesus is in the garden and asking that he be spared but he surrenders to what will happen and for that reason we have the resurrection and our Faith Tradition.
Now I am not one who believes that G-d incarnated Himself just to be hung on a cross for my sins or anyones sins. My belief is that G-d had hoped, we, his most recalcitrant creation would listen to the Word of Jesus and transform our lives and the world. I believe that for two reasons: first, Jesus repeatedly tells his disciples and anyone who was listening that the Kingdom of G-d was now, not in some future date, but now. And, I believe today the Kingdom is now if only we open eyes and ears to see and listen as G-d intends. But we don’t because, well, we don’t.
The second reason is the G-d I know and love would never deliberately send a beloved child to their death. Yes I know we have lots of stories in the Bible of G-d using violence but we have even more stories and words that express how much G-d loves and cares for us, especially those who are marginalized. So Jesus was hung on the cross because of the blindness and deafness of the people he only wanted to transform. We today are still pounding those nails into Jesus hands and feet because we are still blind and deaf. We have yet to transform and recognize the Kingdom all around us.
And, that brings me to my latest meditation. First of all the imagery of the cup has been an important one for me for over a year. I have wrestled with the cup placed before me and realized how bitter that can be. I also know just how sweet the cup is. I was devastated when a small minded official denied me a temporary visa to study in Switzerland and that was a bitter cup to swallow. But I have discovered how sweet the cup has been in the last number of week’s as I have come to new insights about who I am as a spiritual being, and what my future ministry will be with God.
But the primary image is of Jesus’ surrender to the path laid before him, saying not my will but yours. Surrender, that word is loaded with many images. There is the image of a soldier standing in front of his company waving a white flag as they surrender to an enemy. Or, picture a child being held down by a bully and crying “uncle” in order to get away from their tormentor. But it also has some wonderful positive images. Surrendering can also mean release from suffering. I have been with the elderly who have surrendered to the inevitable and come to a time of peace about the end of their lives. I was with my father in the last days of his life as he lay dying from cancer and I watched his face as it became peaceful and accepting of his discovery he wasn’t going to overcome the illness, but instead was headed toward something sweet, even if he didn’t know what that was.
But it is the image of an individual who has reached rock bottom in their lives from substance abuse or something they have done or has been done to them when the ultimate surrender happens that has the most importance for me. It is the image of someone who has nowhere else to go but up that holds my attention. I have been in that place partly of my own doing and partly of the worlds. I know what it means to be at the bottom of a well and yelling at G-d, “I give up; you fix it because I can’t.” It took a great deal of faith and trust for me to let go and let G-d take over. I am a control freak, at least over my own life, and always want, and still do, to take the reins and run with them. I want to tell G-d what I will do rather than wait and listen for what G‑d wants.
But there is a liberating feeling to that surrender to G-d’s plan. While I have to keep reminding myself that I surrendered remembering it opens me to the possibilities of seeing and hearing in a totally new way. I see everything around me differently, everything becomes new. It is as if I have put on a new pair of glasses and now I see clearly for the first time in many years. Does that analogy sound familiar to you? It should.
In each of the Gospels we have stories of Jesus healing the blind and opening the ears of the deaf. These may or may not have been factual healings. Jesus was known as a healer and I have no doubt that he was an exceptional one. But these may also have been metaphorical stories about people who are spiritually blind and deaf who reconnect with G-d and creation. They find the path that lead back to G-d and life.
I want to say I have again found the path, but I must admit I seem to keep losing it. Mostly because of my own ego and arrogance that tells me I can do better by myself. But I am blessed that G-d has had so much patience with me. Letting me stray and then return with a bruised and humbled ego, kissing my wounds and saying “welcome home.” This prodigal daughter must constantly pray, ‘I surrender,” because otherwise I forget.
I am currently in a period of discernment about what direction my life and ministry will take. It is hard waiting for G-d to speak, but I am praying over and over again, “I surrender, let not my will but yours be my life.” I am beginning to see a path again and it is in the feeling of being surrounded by loving arms that is keeping me pointed towards that path. I don’t know if I am ‘seeing’ correctly yet but I have time to figure that out. There will be a cup at the path I will have to drink from, sweet or bitter, I don’t know which it will be, but if I have true faith. If I am committed, loyal, hold my allegiance to, and grow my relationship with, G-d I know I will be Ok; more than Ok, sweetly happy.
“I surrender to you Oh Holy One,
in you I put my trust,
in you I give my loyalty and allegiance,
my life is in your hands.
If I should stray from your arms
guide me back with your love.
Open my eyes to see your light,
open my ears to hear your voice.
Love holds the key,
life is the door,
surrender turns the handle.
You oh Beloved wait on the other side.
NOTE: I did not request the highlighted words, they just appeared. I am trying to find out how to remove them, but if I can’t please know that Wordpress added them not me.
Yesterday was a day of endings and beginnings. At 12 noon I finished my last class at the School of Theology and Ministry, Seattle University. I still am not quite sure what that means to me but, to the school it means I have completed all of the requirements to complete my Masters of Divinity and actually could graduate. So it could mean that ordination in the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) is somewhere around the corner, at least as soon as the all important ordination paper is finished. Or it could mean I am going to enter some other ministry that doesn’t require ordination but is just as important to God as being ordained. My husband, bless his heart for his support in the last 5 years, wants me to spend time with him and the critters that live with us. Actually I think he has an ulterior motive, such as taking over cooking and housecleaning because he’s the one been doing those chores since I began this crazy trip.
But in reality God has already planned, at least, my near future and the near future for John. Graduation and ordination will have to wait because we are going to Switzerland in September where I will study at the Ecumenical Institute in Bossey Switzerland for four and half months, pursuing a graduate degree in Ecumenical Studies. For those of you who don’t know about the Ecumenical Institute, it is the educational arm of the World Council of Churches. Students from all over the world come to study the history, theology, and ethics of ecumenism as they live, study and play with each other in a unique community at Bossey.
This is a great honor the School of Theology and Ministry (STM) is giving me, because they and the Disciples Council on Christian Unity are sending me on this amazing adventure. It is a gift I did not expect and one I would not have pursued on my own because at 65 I believed younger people should have this opportunity. But my school, denomination, and yes God, believe differently.
I still cannot tell you what I make of all of this, but Jesus says “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust in me also.” (John 14:1) If Jesus says don’t worry, I guess I won’t worry. You might be saying this isn’t what most Disciples would say, and you just might be right. But, in the last five years (actually it’s more like the last 13 years) I’ve learned a thing or two about patience and trusting in God’s time rather than mine. God can be persistent when I am reluctant to go in a particular direction. This is the reason I waited until I was 60 before I started this degree! God kept asking, I kept saying “you’ve got to be kidding” and went and did what wanted. But, God is very patient and keeps pushing even when I say no. Let’s face it God just wore me down! Now I am about to do a new thing, yes I know I’m plagiarizing from Isaiah, and the reason is God says this is the path I want you to take, and quite honestly I’m just not going to fight this one, besides who turns down a trip to Switzerland. I will trust that God has some plan for my return and even though I don’t know what that is I am certain I will have something to do.
So what did I mean by “endings and beginnings?” Well, I may have ‘ended’ my time at STM but I am ‘beginning’ another adventure without knowing anything more than it is a beginning. It also means that even for someone who is at the age of retirement there is always something new just around the corner. You simply have to trust in the process of life God has so graciously gifted us with.
One thing I know is I want to take all of you on this adventure with me and I will be blogging about this trip through my time at the Ecumenical Institute. This is way too important to keep to myself and way too much fun. I need to share my thoughts and this is as good a place as any I know of. I would ask that you keep me in your prayers as John and I travel and live in a new environment. We will do the same for you as you travel your paths. Life can be funny, it has many twists and turns, it can be risky and somewhat scary but I guarantee it is never boring.
The Lord said:
She created me, formed me
Tells me “Don’t fear”
She calls me by name and I am hers
I will not be overwhelmed
I can walk through all dark shadows,
and dangerous paths,
I will not be harmed
She ransomed me, bought me
Rescued me from my enemies
Because, She loves me, . . . ME!
I will not fear because GOD is with me
This has been an odd Christmas for me. Usually by this time I’ve baked cookies and stollen, prepared pie crusts, wrapped dozens of presents and decorated the house. None of that has occurred, all I really want to do is sit and read and listen for the silence. Just before Thanksgiving one of my friends was talking about celebrating an “it’s not my birthday Christmas,” where instead of presents for yourself you ask for gifts for a charity. I’ve given that quite some thought and I like that idea.
I’ve really always disliked receiving presents anyway, they are usually things I don’t need and often don’t want. And, while I would give great thought to the gifts I gave I often felt the recipients of my gifts had the same feeling. So this year I’ve done things a bit differently. Instead of buying gifts for family and friends, I told them I was giving, in their name, a gift to the Chief Seattle Club, a day shelter for homeless urban Native Americans and First Nations Peoples. I asked that instead of gifts for me that they would either send a gift for the Chief Seattle Club or give a gift in my name to a charity of their choice. No wrapping, no shopping, no shipping and someone who really needs our gifts would receive them. In addition since I wasn’t going to cook a big dinner I gave the money I would have spent to the Chief Seattle Club for their Christmas dinner. I don’t think I’ve enjoyed preparing and giving a gift so much in my whole life.
Yes, I know I haven’t done my part for the economic recovery and as a result someone somewhere may not have my few pennies for their Christmas. But shouldn’t Christmas be a time of reflection and not consumerism, a time to remember the graces given to us by God throughout the year and offer our gifts of thanks to the Christ Child. As I remember, it isn’t what you give but how you give that matters. Tradition tells us that Jesus was born in a stable and laid manger, he was poor and homeless most of his life and giving gifts to those who can’t provide for themselves seems like the proper offering to the Child in the hay. As I was dropping off my gifts at the Chief Seattle Club I had to turn away homeless men who also wanted my gifts but I am unable to feed and clothe all of the homeless, and I wonder sometimes if God understands there are too many people who can’t care for themselves and that there are way too many people who tug at my heart. I wish I had more to give. If I had the billions that some people had I would go from homeless shelter to homeless shelter just handing out gifts, but I don’t, and I don’t know what to do about that. I do the best I can and hope that is good enough.
So what will I be doing for Christmas? Well, I will be in church offering a gift of another kind, prayers and service. As an Intern Pastor I am participating in the Christmas Eve and Christmas Day service at Queen Anne Christian Church, Seattle, WA. I am grateful to be able to give to those who come to the services prayer, song and love and I am honored to read a Christmas Story I wrote a number of years ago titled “The Innkeeper” on Christmas Day.
May you be filled with the blessings of the Christ Child and may you pass on those blessings to those who are hungry, cold, suffering and/or homeless. For it is more blessed to give than to receive.
“Hello God”, “this is Ruth, I have a few things to talk to you about, do you have the time to chat right now.” …
“Oh wonderful” …
I’m not really complaining mind you because it is so hot elsewhere in the country right now, but, common on God, while Western Washington is supposed to be cool and cloudy, we’ve only had a few days worth of summer. If this keeps up, we, the residents of said Western Washington, are going to have moss growing in our hair!” …
“What was that God; you wanted some place in the North American Continent to be cool.” …
“Well I’m honored you chose us and like I said I’m not complaining, too much, but we are becoming very depressed and our bones are become a bit brittle from the lack of vitamin D so we need some sun. Wouldn’t a balance be a better choice than our little corner being in the 60’s and gray while everyone else is in the 90’s or 100’s with only blue skies?” …
“I know you control things … what you don’t, not really.” …
“God how can that be?” …
“OOOOHH, it’s partly our fault, we’re supposed to be partners.” …
“Yeah, I know, some of us haven’t been very good at taking care of this ol’ planet earth.” …
“OK, OK, none of us have been very good at taking care of the earth.” …
“ aaaannnnddd, I admit I fall into that group as well, we all could do better. But, the powers that be on this planet seem to be a bit preoccupied at the moment with matters they think are important so what’s a poor person like me supposed to do.” …
“Quit complaining and start working and helping out? Well I guess that would be a start.” …
“And, start looking after each other instead of beating each other up with whatever is handy. Now that might be a bit harder to do! God, it’s just that when you gave us free will some of us choose to use it to gather power into themselves and turn everyone else out into the cold. The ones who choose to use your free will for the betterment of those around them seem to be getting the short end of the stick and some people don’t seem to be able to use their free will at all. They seem unable to make choices for themselves. How do we help them? How do we help ourselves? All I’m asking here is for courage, and enough knowledge to stand up and say and do what is right for those who are unable to fight for themselves.” …
“Yes, I know you gave us instructions” …
“I admit we’ve never followed them” …
“But God they seem so hard to do” …
“Wellllll, I suppose we could give it another try”
“But, God, there is one other problem, some of those who are unable to fight for themselves don’t want any help unless they get what the power hungry ones have. So the problem is how do we get those who have so much they can’t possibly use all of it to share with those who have little and how do we get those who have little to not want all of what those who have too much? The way I see it is that greed on all sides is the real issue and I am not exempt. Jealousy and envy are powerful emotions that drive all of us humans and I’m not sure how to prevent or at least mediate those feelings. Where do I find the answers to these questions.” …
“Yes, I know I’m in school to find the answers but all I keep finding are questions and I want some answers. mmmm I wonder if I am getting them but don’t recognize them? Hmmm, well maybe, but, I could use a little more guidance, just a little, ahhhhhh …..”
“Hello? … God, … God, are you still there, are you listening to me” …
I am discovering that patience is not my forte! Spinal surgery was two weeks ago and now I am growing anxious to be up and doing, but I am not allowed to lift anything over five pounds. and because of neck collars and bifocals I can’t see anything below my nose. So no exciting walks, no rearranging files (they all weigh over five pounds, actually you’d be surprised what weighs more
than five pounds.), no cooking because I can’t see the stove top clearly, and worst of all reading is difficult because I have to hold the book up high to get it
in focus. As a result I am slowly going crazy. I am now surprised that three
weeks ago I was looking forward to a time of quiet reflection but now all I can
do is slowly let the crazy out in little bursts so I won’t go mad.
At times I feel like I am one of the Desert Mothers sitting quietly in her cave and wondering what to do with fingers that fidget! I would be one of those beginning pilgrims who would go to her Amma and ask what should I do, how do I listen, and what am I listening for? Our lives are built on being busy and that was as true for the Desert Mothers and Fathers as it is for us and I can’t be busy, I don’t have anything to be busy with. This is so frustrating on one hand yet also a great lesson in being still, if I could just learn it.
Spiritual Practices are called practices for a reason and learning how to just be and practice those moments of silence, and wonder is way more difficult than anyone would think. It is so much easier to read about listening for the God than actually doing it. I must admit that I am struggling with being still in order for the voice of God to enter my heart and heal my distress. Creating stillness within has been more than difficult in the last week or so than I could ever have imagined. I actually have this image of God sitting in the corner of our deck just rolling with laughter at my attempts to sit still and find my quiet center. I have always believed God has an amazing sense of humor and we are his greatest source of entertainment and I think today I must be high on her list.
Maybe what God wants me to see is the humor in this whole situation, to be able to laugh at myself and give myself a break by not trying quite so hard to be still and to let the joy in just being free of responsibilities for a little while sinks in. I have always believed that working hard and being efficient is what I was supposed to do, well maybe that isn’t the case. Maybe like the Ammas of the Desert I need to return to my cave and listen.
A Quiet Walk 