Sermon: John 4:5-42

This morning’s scripture just happens to be one of my favorite from the Gospel.  One reason is this story is rich in imagery.  I can see the well, the tired Jesus who watches the woman walk to the well he sits by.  I imagine that the well is surrounded by trees probably olive or maybe a fir-tree and I can smell the dust that still floats in the air from the passing of the travelers.  I can feel the noon day heat and see the woman walk through the heat shimmer on the road as she carries her water jugs to the well. 

Now, I am quite sure you are all familiar with story of the ‘woman at the well’ but let me recap for you, the highlights so to speak.   Jesus is traveling with his disciples because he is avoiding the Pharisees in Judean territory.   Tired, thirsty, and hungry, he stops by a well to rest while his companions go on ahead to search for food for the mid day meal.  A woman comes to the well to draw water and Jesus asks her for a drink.  They end up talking and Jesus awakens something in the woman who runs to the village to tell everyone else.  We have all heard this story hundreds of time and I’m sure you can tell me why this woman is so special and why it was so radical that a Jewish Man, a Rabbi, was talking to a woman, a Samaritan woman.  Think of it this way, here are Jewish men, traveling in a territory that all other Jewish people avoided like the plague and they are even willing to eat their food and drink their water!  Scandalous!   But in the heat of the day, maybe things look a little differently to hot, tired and dusty people.  But more than the individuals of the story I’d like to talk about what this story meant to the community that was hearing it for the first time.

I have been trying to come up with a comparison for today’s time and maybe this might give you a tiny idea of what this journey meant in first century terms.  Suppose you had to travel to Monroe and between you and your destination lay a land filled with criminals, sexual predators, and mentally unstable people, called the Monroe State Prison.  And just suppose the accepted route to Monroe goes around the Prison and takes 7 days  , but, if you went through the Prison territory, your journey would take you 1 day.  Which route would you choose?  Remember the people living in the Prison area are outcasts and to speak to them or get the dirt from their ground on you will make you unacceptable in polite society forever.  Don’t even think of eating, drinking or speaking to the residents.  That was the choice Jesus and his disciple had to make.  Do you now have some idea of just how radical it was for Jesus and his companions to even be in Samaritan territory, let alone speak to someone or eat and drink their food? 

There are Biblical Historians who believe this is not an actual encounter of Jesus and the Samaritans.  That it probably is a reading back into the ministry of Jesus due to a post resurrection Samaritan mission, and the influence of Samaritan converts on the Johannine communities.  That means that someone, the author of John or someone else added a story of the conversion of the Samaritan community by Jesus himself.  The writer wanted to legitimize the Samaritans position within the evolving community of first century Christians.  Does that change the meaning of the story, well maybe, because, for me I think the story has a great deal to do with the  embracing of “the other” even when that “other” was as despised as Samaritans were.  It’s not just about a woman who was the first apostle to a hated people, rather this is about one group of people trying to welcome another group they once found repugnant.   

  The writer of this passage is struggling with the presence of a people who 20 or 30 years before would have been banned from their places of worship but now are part of their community.  People who were really thought of as charity cases in the best of moments.  People they could help so they would feel good about helping someone less fortunate than they were.  People they could say “boy I’m so glad I’m not one of them!”   I’m not saying that it is better to be an outsider, what I am saying, and the writer of John is saying, is there is no difference in the eyes of God between any of us.  This passage is trying to tell two communities, which probably were at odds with each other, that Jesus would have found both sides to be worthy of God’s love and that if  God find’s each side acceptable then why couldn’t everyone in the community. 

The plight of this first century community is not so different from the one we are facing today.  Today we too are struggling as a community with the addition of people from other cultures who bring some new and strange ways of worshiping into our midst.  I am not talking about Queen Ann Christian Church or any specific church, rather I am talking about the wider church and how we as Christians are struggling with welcoming the new ethnic churches into our fellowship of compassion, justice and mercy.  It is often difficult to see God in ways different from ours even when it is enlightening and transforming; but it can also be scary. 

I can just imagine how the members from both sides of the Johannine community felt because I’ve been there.  I’ve been on both sides of the issue of acceptance of the “other,” a little afraid that what I believe will be challenged and at the same time exited that what I believe will be challenged.    If I am honest with myself I have to admit that learning I don’t have all the answers means that I just may not be as secure in God’s love that I thought.  If we all stop and think it is where we all are when a new way of “seeing” God is presented to us.  So first let’s look at how the Jewish Christians visualized God, Christ and Holy Spirit. 

Jewish Christians in the first century were primarily Jewish in nature; they saw their world through the lens of the Hebrew Scriptures as taught by Temple and Synagogue.  That meant that by becoming Christians they had already made a huge transition to a new way of thinking and many felt Christianity should remain as Jewish as possible because that is what they were comfortable with. Do you remember all those arguments about Gentiles between Paul and the Disciples?  

The Samaritans, on the other hand, were no longer purely Jewish and as a result they were not able to worship at the Temple in Jerusalem.   Therefore The Samaritans set up their own place of Worship on Mt. Gerizim and developed their own worship customs, mostly in defiance of Temple authorities. 

So now you have two groups that hated each other being converted to Christianity and entering into community together, each with different ideas about worship, and God.   Wouldn’t you feel threatened?  Wouldn’t the other feel threatened?  Yet there is a conflict here, they’re Christians and that means they are my brothers and sisters in Christ, so they can’t be bad.  Oh it just makes my head hurt to think about it.  Wait a minute both sides say, if you worship the way I do, which is the right way, then we won’t be strangers anymore, we’d be one.  Can’t you just see both sides coming together across a table and speaking those words at the same time?  My head is beginning to hurt again. 

Does this scenario sound familiar, we’ve all been in those places where we’ve been threatened by someone else’s way of worship, yet somehow we also find something wonderful in those moments.  The unfamiliar becomes a door way into a new understanding.  We just have to get beyond our own belief that we are the right ones.  It is a fact that most new Disciples churches are ethnic, and that means that we will encounter new ways of worship and praising God that are different from our own.  As a faith community we are not called to assimilate the other into our way of worship, nor are the others called to assimilate us into theirs.  Rather each community is called to celebrate the life and faith of all and recognize the presence of God in the diverse ways we all reach out to the Divine ones.   

As part of my course work for a Masters of Divinity I am interning this year at a Day Shelter for urban First Nations People, The Chief Seattle Club, and so I work two days a week with individuals that have held a status not all that dissimilar to that of the Samaritans.  They too have been, are, a despised people, a people forgotten unless we discover they have a resource we, the dominate culture, want.   We see them as one people yet I have come to learn just how diverse their cultures are.  Just like the rest of the diverse people’s of the United State the members of the Chief Seattle Club are made up of many different tribes each with their own unique cultures and ways of being.  I have learned much about being a person of faith from being with, eating with, sitting with, and praying with people who have a deep spirituality.  It’s not my spirituality, but I honor the beauty of their hearts because God honors them. 

This week I was asked how I, a Christian, can accept people who may not believe the way I do.  Our discussion was long and involved, at least on his part, I just kept saying what every way you are fed by God and the Spirit is right for you and I honor that.  I am a Christian, I will always be a Christian, but just as Jesus went into Samaritan territory and recognized God’s presence I too recognize God’s presence in the people I meet, whether they are First Nations people who follow their own tribal beliefs, Muslims who follow Mohammad or Buddhists who look for enlightenment through the teachings of the Buddha.  All are children of God. 

In the NRSV version of Romans 5:1-2 Paul says “5Therefore, since we are justified by faith, we* have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have obtained access* to this grace in which we stand; and we* boast in our hope of sharing the glory of God.”  I have some problems with this version, mostly because I don’t like the way the word ‘justified’ is used. 

But I really like the way it is restated in the paraphrase bible The Message:  “1-2By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.”   Yes we as Christian find our way through the Master Jesus, but God has thrown open the doors and as we stand there we discover new spaces where God’s glory is magnified.  So it’s not what we have been used to and maybe it will challenge us.  But, oh the spaces we will discover when we embrace the other.  

I keep hoping we will be better than the first century Christians and open our doors to new ways of visualizing God, finding God in unexpected places, seeing God in people we haven’t met yet. 

Sermon presented on March 27, 2011, @ Queen Ann Christian Church

©Ruth Jewell, March 26, 2011

Waiting …

For some reason the word “wait” has been cropping up and standing out like a light bulb in a dark room.   Why should such an insignificant word suddenly have significance?  That is what I’ve been trying to figure out for the last couple of weeks. 

In scripture the word ‘waiting’ has two different connotations.  The first of course is “waiting on the Lord” and the second, more sinister one, is to lie in wait to commit some act of violence or evil deed.  Which one is meant for me this time?  As I looked at how the word “wait”  is used in both Hebrew and Christian Scripture I did notice a difference.  In Hebrew scripture it seems to be relatively equally split between the two uses while in Christian Scriptures it leans more heavily towards the positive use of waiting on G-d and Christ.   Waiting has such weight to it (pun intended) and I started writing the same old platitudes we always write at this time of year but I think today I need to be honest.

I have spent a lifetime waiting for something.  I would hate to add up all of the time spent waiting for I’m sure it would be way more than the time spent living my life.  I dislike waiting; I want things to happen NOW, not wait for them.  I don’t want to wait for Christmas to come, although I don’t mind waiting for presents because I rarely get anything I want or need.  I don’t want to wait for this quarters grades, I want to know NOW, not that I would do anything particular with them, I just want to know.  I am getting tired of waiting for G-d to explain what she wants me to do.  I am after all 63 and there just aren’t that many more years to do what she wants.  So if you don’t mind G-d, please tell me plainly so I can finally quit guessing and wasting your time and mine, sheesh.  

Of course everyone has to wait, Moses had to wait for G-d to give him the stone tablets (Exodus 24:12), the Israelites had to wait for Moses to hear from God (Numbers 9:8).  The women disciples had to wait for the Sabbath to be over before they could anoint the body of Jesus (Luke 23:56) and all of the disciples had to wait for the coming of the Holy Spirit (Acts 1:4).  So maybe waiting isn’t such a bad thing.  Good things do happen, most of the time anyway. I am reminded of the little story of an elderly woman who was planning her own funeral.  She told the undertaker to make sure she had a spoon in her hand when she was put in her coffin.  The puzzled undertaker asked “why?”  And, she told him that when dinner was finished her mother always said, “Hold on to your spoon, there are good things coming.”  She just knew there were more good things coming.

However, all too often in my life waiting has meant not good things coming but hard times and struggles.  I waited at my father’s bedside for him to die from cancer.  I waited in a hospital waiting room to hear that my mother had died on the operating table.  After being laid off I’ve waited for someone to hire me, sometimes that was a long time coming and I’ve waited for others to do what they promised and waited in vain.  Disappointment is part of living, for it is in those hard moments of my life that I learn to appreciate the good ones.  I know that, or at least intellectually I do, but it is always hard at the time I experience it and I always think the worst.  My life hasn’t been all roses and watercolors, I don’t think anyone’s life is, but this is my life and it’s the only one I really know so of course it is the most important to me. 

Maybe that’s the point of hearing and seeing “wait” so often.  Maybe I’m to stop looking at my life and let other lives into mine. Maybe all that waiting has been because I’ve isolated myself from those that would expand my being.  I’ve been stuck in my own culture and own thoughts for too long and now my waiting is not to wait on the Lord but to wait for others to bring the Lord to me, or, at least show me the way.  Maybe I am in some ways handicapped by my own shortsightedness and unwillingness to extend my life into new places.

This quarter I have been volunteering at the Chief Seattle Club and I must admit it’s been in the last 10 weeks that I’ve found the word “wait” sticking out at me.  I am wondering if the connection is my amazement at how so many of the members have wormed their way into my life.  I am finding just how important the concerns of staff and members are becoming to me and I don’t mind.  I am feeling the pain of an elder who was injured due to the thoughtlessness of some young kids and joyful at the aid he received from strangers.  I am angry at the pain First Nations Peoples have experienced because of others who think only they are “right.”   I am learning that each culture that makes up the human race is important to the whole and any culture that is denied their dignity harms us all.  I am learning that when I “wait” to act with compassion then someone will be harmed.  I am learning that someone one is actually waiting for me is the person I’m supposed to be.  I am not to use my time waiting as an excuse to do nothing, I am to prepare for tomorrow or the next minute, I don’t know which.

So while my days of waiting may not be over, they are taking on a new significance.  Instead of waiting for someone else to come to me, I must go ask what is needed.  Waiting time must become preparation time to follow the path that opens up for me.  So I’m exchanging preparation, prepare, preparing for the wait and waiting, for that is what it should be. 

Jesus told his disciples to wait on G-d’s promise but he didn’t tell them to sit still.  They still had a mission to accomplish and while they didn’t know what G-d’s promise would be they had a job to do.  This is just me but, I think when the angels asked the disciples at the ascension why they were standing there looking at the sky they were really saying “quit wasting time, you’ve got a job to do, go get ready.”

© Ruth Jewell, December 8, 2010

Meditation on Matthew 10:34-39

Matthew 10:34-39

34‘Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.
35For I have come to set a man against his father,
and a daughter against her mother,
and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law;
36 and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household.
37Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; 38and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.

Ok, so Christ said he doesn’t bring peace but a sword, but, what kind of sword?
He tells me I am not to love my family more than him, not that I’m supposed to abandon them just that Jesus’ and the Spirits will comes first.  I’m to let the spirit take care of my family and give over control of my life to the spirit.

It is not easy to let go of my control of my life.  I keep wanting (and do) to snatch back the reins that I only partially have given to God. So, I am to keep my family life in tension with my faith community life and the faith part comes first.

God how does that work, I have a husband who wants my time, I have school work to complete; do I drop those when I know that you have given those to me?   Or, are they the responsibilities you talk of, the cross I am supposed to bear?

Where does the balance come from?

Does letting go of my control of the situation mean I am to just stop worrying but not stop attending?

Hmmmmmm, now there is a thought,  Hmmmmmm, Now that is a thought, take care of those things but without concern for how . . . Hmmmmmm

©Ruth Jewell, November 13, 2010

This summer isn’t what I thought it would be!

This summer is becoming all about prayer, not the kind that you sit and struggle to connect with God, but rather waiting for my vision, hearing, and all the rest of my senses to recognize that God has been here all the time.   I have  been reading a lot of thought-provoking stuff this summer and I admit I haven’t read a single novel or none theological book, yet.  But what I have read has been an extension of what I’ve been feeling for the last year.   I’ve read two books by John O’Donohue, Anam Cara and Eternal Echoes, along with Martin Buber’s I and Thou and now that I’ve completed those three books I realize just how important prayer and my relationship with God and all creation is to my well-being .  Yes I know I’ve been studying for 3 years and if I had read these 3 books before I began STM I would have enjoyed them, but, now they have real meaning for me.  I see threads of my life that have been and are being woven together to form a whole all through a life that has been prayer.

This summer I’ve been trying to discern what prayer means to me, Ruth Jewell.  Not Ruth Jewell the wife, ecological consultant, or even theological student, just Ruth.  How do I relate to God in my prayers, what is prayer, and how do I accept prayer into my being.

O’Donohue says that “Prayer is not about the private project of making yourself holy and turning yourself into a shining temple that blinds everyone else.  Prayer has a deeper priority, which is … the sanctification of the world of which you are privileged inhabitant.”   Prayer isn’t about asking for that pony, a full stock portfolio, or even that “A” in the class you’ve worked so hard for and prayer isn’t about sweating and struggling to connect with God.  Because, I’ve already ‘connected’ with God and am in relationship with her. 

I am beginning to recognize that every moment of my life, every breath I take, every time my heart beats, I am in a relationship with God.  My first prayer task is to accept that relationship into my being allowing it to work through everything I do.  Then, what I have to do is to reflect the Divine relationship, which began before my birth, out to the world around me.  My last major task is to recognize and honor the relationships reflected by each and every member of this universes creation.  On paper those sound so easy, but I know from experience just how hard it is to follow through on them. 

One of the issues I’ve had this summer has been I haven’t been able to sit and practice the spiritual disciplines I’ve always found fulfilling.  Instead I want to work with John on our Garage cleaning (which is a way bigger job than I thought it would be) or sit with him on our deck and watch the ferry come in and out.  All I want to do is be with my grandchildren and my friends children to watch them grow into new beings all their own.  I am thrilled that I’ve been asked to be part of important tasks for STM and my ecclesial community both are chances for me to give back what they’ve given to me.  I love offering prayers for those in need of comfort I just don’t want to do it sitting still, or in a setting that makes me stand out. 

I was worried that I was entering a “dry period” in my spiritual life and maybe I am, but I think I am instead entering a rich time where prayer is more than sitting in a worship setting, prayer is working, loving and being in contact with all of creation.  I have always had an easy conversational style of praying to God, but now I don’t have to have any special time set aside to do that.  I find that, for me, prayer isn’t something I do, it’s something I am.  I do not have to work on my relationship with God; I am in relationship with Her.  She is present every moment of my life, waking or sleeping, whether I recognize her presence or not, She is there.  With every breath I take I breather Her in, with every beat of my heart I spread her essence throughout this clay vessel called a body.  With every word I speak She speaks.  That is an awesome responsibility and one I am learning to respect.  I know (and She knows) I will not always be successful but I now feel I am awakening to something so old it’s new, I just don’t know what to make of it all.

I and You

I was one with YOU
before I came
    separated
       unknowing
           innocent
              longing to return

Time invisible winds up
like a runner running a race
    slow
       fast
            faster
                unknowing becomes knowing

Knowing yet unknowing
longing to know YOU
   seeking
      in world
         seeking
            out world
                longing unsatisfied

Longing for YOU
stop seeking
   rest
      be
         here
            now
               sensing YOU

PRESENCE invisible
always here
   embracing relationship
      calls to me
         unknowing becomes knowing
            YOU

©Ruth Jewell, July 22, 2010

Ramblings: Summer Reading

I just finished reading I and Thou by Martin Buber (translated by Walter Kaufmann, 1970) and I love this book.  I am struck by the realization that 3 years ago I wouldn’t have understood Buber and am forever grateful for the last 3 years of Theology School, and Father Mike, for giving me the tools to open my heart to words that inspire.    But on to my brain dump.

This was not an easy book to read, there are concepts here that I am struggling with but, still, what sticks out for me is the development of relationship as the fundamental basis for our growth as human beings.   And, if I understand Buber correctly,  the I-You world relationship is more than the relationship between I and another Human, or creation, the ultimate YOU is God, Spirit, ruach, Allah, however I identify the Divine.    In fact God is never in the I alone but always in the I-You relationship, and because we are always in that relationship we are always in the PRESENCE.

Wow, Buber has opened a door I’m not sure I can shut.  He defines true community as one that only exists in relation with the PRESENCE, the I-YOU world.  God didn’t create community because the YOU was lonely, God created community because without the I the YOU can not exist.  We are bound with invisible strings to the Divine YOU in all things, like the front and back of a sheet of paper, like light and dark.  Without the YOU the I would not be able to recognize self and without the I the YOU would not be able to be recognized.  I am still processing this, so much of this book makes sense until I start to take it apart, so there will lots more thinking on this book.

In addition to reading Buber I have also been reading John O’Donohue’s Eternal Echoes, Celtic .  Reflections on Our Yearning to Belong (1999), and it is a nice companion to I and Thou.  Both books emphasize the importance of our relationships and how we long to return to the relationship with YOU.  The longing for the return of that relationship is hardwired into us from the moment of our conception.  We spend our lives trying to bridge the gap between us and YOU and that longing is what drives us to seek more than surface impressions for our lives.  Even those who settle for things, material and physical know in their hearts that such ‘stuff’ is not enough.   Each in their own way Buber and O’Donohue tell us that reaching into the mystery of being is never safe but is the only way to find what the heart longs for.  I have no idea where I’m going with this, just that I’m trying to make some sense of what I’ve read, so you all get to listen to me, lucky you.  It has taken me 63 years to figure this part out, I sure hope it doesn’t take another 63 years to figure out the next part!

©Ruth Jewell, July 22, 2010

Interpretation Ramblings

INTERPRETATION

I stand before a sacred hall
peering deep within,  I am
drawn into its dark passages
a moving light shines,
I walk towards the light
I grasp the light and a piece falls into my hands
warm, soft, comfortable

The light moves on
faint at first then stronger, beckoning me on
again I grasp the light
sharp is the new piece,  but it fits with the old
The light moves on

I move through the wondrous halls
the light leads me into new depths.
the light in my hand grows
the light before me never goes out

© Ruth Jewell, April 24, 2010

Ramblings;

Recently it has been course work driving my thoughts and the courses this quarter are definitely thought-provoking.  Hermeneutics is one course that has caused me much heart burn but also given me a new way to explore how I view a text.  The little poem above says much as to how I am beginning to understand the interpretation of sacred writings or any work for that matter.  The little insights I receive each time I read a text, view a visual art, or hear words or music in an audible work of art are like pieces of a puzzle, they fit together in a unique way that is called ‘my understanding’ of the work.  Every time I return to those works I receive new pieces and move to a new depth within the work.  It is exciting to realize, like an archeologist, I am removing one layer at a time of a great work, but, unlike some archeological sites I will never run out of layers in most, if not all, great works.  What is even more exciting is I am beginning to apply these methods to more than the works of us lowly Beings; I am also beginning to look at the Works of God, discovering layers of meaning in the greatest work of all time, creation.  What I find are not hard facts or quantifiable data but mystery, and the layers are questions that lead to questions, questions that can’t be answered by any means known to me today.  I think the unanswerable questions are why creation fills me to such depth!  The interpretation of the layers of creation allows me to have hoped that there are no answers that can’t be answered and that they’re too many questions to be answered except by the faith I have in the God, Spirit, and Son.  Some things are just too precious to be interpreted in this life; some questions must wait until God decides we are ready to hear the answer.

What is truth”?

TRUTH

Pilot asked “what is truth”?
he didn’t expect an answer
today I ask, “what is truth”? and …
I do want an answer, but …

where does truth reside
within the cold, hard shell of facts, or …
within the shifting gaze of time?
will once I have the “truth” in my hand
will tomorrow it slip away with the birth of a new reality?

truth will not hold still
for me, for you , for anyone
truth will grow  and change with who I will be,
who you will be, with each new discovery
each new reality

does that still make truth true?
truth shifts to meet the new dawn
as reality changes, as beings grow
God, who is truth, will be
reveled in new ways

layers of truth live to be discovered
old truth, new truth, yet to be found truth
all are truth,
facts cold and hard
butterfly wings of truth
all reveal reality

those with ears, listen
those with eyes, see
those with heart, feel

 (C) Ruth Jewell, April 24, 2010

I’ve been working on a paper for a hermeneutics class and was drawn into Pilots question of Jesus, “what is truth”.  I’ve been asking that question for years but in the last 3 years it has taken on new meaning.  Just like every one else I’ve been told the “truth”, but I feel all of that is shifting beneath my feet now.  Truth is way trickier than you’d think and has many colors and shapes.  Fr. Mike says truth can be facts, cold and hard and those are important for grounding ourselves, but real truth is reveling, it revels our reality, our way of being …  G-d.  And to my great amazement there is no ultimate truth!  Truth will shift as our reality shifts, so that what is true today may not be true tomorrow, because tomorrow I will not be the same, you will not be the same, reality will not be the same.  That is both wonderful and … scary, but it is …  the truth!

(C) Ruth Jewell, April 24, 2010

One Sunday Morning

One Sunday morning
Everything changed
I lost who I was
Found who I am

Who is this new person?
Ten years spent seeking
Only now awakening
Foundations lain down
Fears laid bare

Eyes bright with new paths
Ears ringing with new voices
Mouth joyful with new words
Heart beating a new rhythm

Grace of the Spirit
Surrounds me
Calls me forward
Draws me on

In the distance
The garden beckons

(C) Ruth Jewell, April 2010

RAMBLINGS:

The last couple of weeks I’ve been thinking about where this crazy journey began, and how it’s growing.  I think I’ve always know I was supposed to do something in ministry; I just didn’t want to listen to what it might be, or accept that I was the one being called.  But in the last 10 years or so I’ve learned that God can be very persistent and that saying no gets harder as the years go by.  God is very good at wearing you down until you have to sit still and pay attention.   I didn’t start listening until that fateful Sunday morning when refusing to answer was no longer an option.  I can’t tell you how or what changed.  I can’t tell you I knew where it was headed, I just knew it was a different path and I was going.  I know that sounds scary but it wasn’t, it was a relief.  For the first time I didn’t have to worry about how my story would end because I wasn’t in charge anymore.  Now that is liberating.  To tell the truth at that moment I didn’t know where this would lead and I still don’t.   In fact I don’t know where I’m going with this ramble, this morning I simply re-read this little poem I wrote last fall and in the process of preparing a sermon for Sunday this came out.    In the Parable of the Sower God is a bad farmer who sows his seed even in places that it won’t grow.  Maybe I was one of the seeds thrown into the gravel and somehow and after much struggle finally took root.  Maybe it just takes time for things to germinate, maybe even seed sown in places that appear to be too poor to grow there is hope.  I don’t know after all God is really good at asking questions, answers not so much. 

(C) Ruth Jewell, April 2010