Ramblings

Posted on by a quiet walk
 
 

 

On the Trail to Barclay Lake
John and Freddie resting

 

SUN RISE 

I saw the sun rise this morning
The mist clings to the trees in the Dales.
Sheep move like ghosts in the mist,
Faces buried in the sweet grass.

I saw your gentle face enshrouded with sleep.
Slowly your eyes open to me.
You smile,
And, I saw the sun rise this morning.

©Ruth A Jewell,  10-9-00, written on my honeymoon with John in the British Isles. 

This was written the morning after we’d stayed at a B&B, in Cumbria, in a very old farmhouse (more than 4oo years old) were the sheep grazed right under our bedroom window.  The house did not have central heating and it was very cold in our room (no heat in the bathroom either), with only one light bulb in the very tall ceiling.  In the morning there was a heavy fog, and outside the window sheep were grazing and moving in and out of sight.  You could hear their bells tinkling and listen to their gentle voices while cropping grass.  It was wonderful.

Ramblings July 28, 2010

It is in the small moments of the day that I find the greatest peace.  I don’t HAVE to go to a separate location to find God, yes I do love to go, but it isn’t necessary.  Yesterday was one of those moments.

John and I hiked up to Barclay Lake near Baring Mt. and all day long I kept asking myself when will I feel God’s presence, She seemed to be absent from this walk.  Now mind you we are walking up a mountain trail with vistas everywhere; Dark green trees, babbling brook below, sunshine on the path, and ferns gently blowing, sound idyllic enough for ya’.   When we reached the lake and sat down to watch children enjoying the water and eat our picnic lunch, the sky was so blue, with not a cloud in sight and I kept saying “hey You, are You on this hike with us?”  It wasn’t until we reached home tired, sweaty and dirty that something clicked.  There in front of me was John and Freddie being goofy as John got ready for his shower and suddenly I realized I was looking in the wrong place and waiting for the wrong voice. 

Yes the glories of the mountain and lake were wonderful metaphors of God’s presence but John’s presence throughout the walk was the real gift.  He waited for me as I stopped to look at small flower and ferns.  He didn’t quibble when I simply stopped to take in the view, losing myself in the landscape.  John and Freddie made me laugh as they walked down the path in front of me and offered me a picture of memorable proportions.  

I often tell people when I look into the face of others I see God looking back and here I was seeing that expression right in front of me and I didn’t see it.  Wow, talk about not paying attention!  99.9% of the time God doesn’t make Herself know to me in grand gestures.  She speaks to me in the small everyday things and events in my life, (not that John is a small thing or event) the ones that go by so quickly that if I blink I will miss them.  Opening up my vision, hearing heart to all of those events requires more than spiritual practice, or patience, it requires me to slow down and let Her voice and presence penetrate into my awareness. 

Awareness is a spiritual practice that I frequently ignore because I am ‘just so busy I can’t take the time to be aware.’  What a crock!  Yesterday was so beautiful and there in front of me was God, Ok so He is a little bowlegged and is wearing shorts and a dirty T-shirt but the image of God none the less, and I was so intent on hearing God in the wind or seeing God in a tree that I missed the loving embrace of the Divine.  I admit it, I’m an idiot!  God, I love you in all of your images, trees, mountains, dogs, lakes, but most of all as John who is your presence here on this earth with me.  Thank You!

Interpretation Ramblings

Posted on by a quiet walk

INTERPRETATION

I stand before a sacred hall
peering deep within,  I am
drawn into its dark passages
a moving light shines,
I walk towards the light
I grasp the light and a piece falls into my hands
warm, soft, comfortable

The light moves on
faint at first then stronger, beckoning me on
again I grasp the light
sharp is the new piece,  but it fits with the old
The light moves on

I move through the wondrous halls
the light leads me into new depths.
the light in my hand grows
the light before me never goes out

© Ruth Jewell, April 24, 2010

Ramblings;

Recently it has been course work driving my thoughts and the courses this quarter are definitely thought-provoking.  Hermeneutics is one course that has caused me much heart burn but also given me a new way to explore how I view a text.  The little poem above says much as to how I am beginning to understand the interpretation of sacred writings or any work for that matter.  The little insights I receive each time I read a text, view a visual art, or hear words or music in an audible work of art are like pieces of a puzzle, they fit together in a unique way that is called ‘my understanding’ of the work.  Every time I return to those works I receive new pieces and move to a new depth within the work.  It is exciting to realize, like an archeologist, I am removing one layer at a time of a great work, but, unlike some archeological sites I will never run out of layers in most, if not all, great works.  What is even more exciting is I am beginning to apply these methods to more than the works of us lowly Beings; I am also beginning to look at the Works of God, discovering layers of meaning in the greatest work of all time, creation.  What I find are not hard facts or quantifiable data but mystery, and the layers are questions that lead to questions, questions that can’t be answered by any means known to me today.  I think the unanswerable questions are why creation fills me to such depth!  The interpretation of the layers of creation allows me to have hoped that there are no answers that can’t be answered and that they’re too many questions to be answered except by the faith I have in the God, Spirit, and Son.  Some things are just too precious to be interpreted in this life; some questions must wait until God decides we are ready to hear the answer.

Paper Ramblings

Posted on by a quiet walk

Questions of Faith

questions of faith
do I believe? no not today
off somewhere fun
guilt somehow intrudes

questions of faith
is today the day? no not today
work must be done
worry about what will happen

questions of faith
maybe today? maybe not
open a book
get out of my mind

questions of faith
screaming OK
now is the time
give up, let go,

questions of faith
are you still there?
here I AM
wait

(C) Ruth Jewell, May 1, 2010

Ramblings:

I am writing a paper on the conversion of Saint Augustine and I’m stuck, or at least think I am.  What intrigues me most about Augustine conversion is how long it took for him to admit he had faith.  I guess I have to admit that I have a lot in common with Augustine for I too struggled with acceptance of God’s call.  No, I didn’t have a child out-of-wedlock or lust after men, and I never stole pears from my neighbors pear tree, but, I have my own dark secrets (which aren’t being told here! Augustine may offer a public confession if he wants too but I won’t).  Like good old Gus my dark secrets are hardly anything to write home about, but they sometimes seem dark to me; which means I’m probably just as much of a goofy geek as he was. So why did it take so long for me to say yes to God?  Now that is my quandary and maybe why I find the dialogue with God in the confessions so intriguing for I’ve held some of the same conversations (and my guess is that most people have as well).   All of the doubt and all of the questions and all of the confusion actually led me to a place where I couldn’t ignore the Divine and maybe that is the purpose of my dark night. 

Just as it was for Gus It took a moment of despair to bring us to a stop, to listen and wait in silence for the voice calling us.  In that moment it would have been easy to be overwhelmed by drowning fear but years of letting doubt intrude, of asking questions helped bring to both Gus and me to a point of acceptance.  Maybe that is what doubt is for, giving the opportunity to turn things over in your mind, to let the Presence dwell for a while then leave and come back.  Each time the Presence returned to me I felt Her and recognized I’d been missing something.  Snap decisions weren’t Gus’ forte nor are they mine, yes we hold a lot in common, Gus and I, maybe there’s hope for us yet.