By What Authority

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I am sitting here at my desk listening to the rain fall outside and just mulling over the sermon I gave yesterday.  I keep thinking on authority, what it means
for me and how so many people use and misuse that term.   What I’m trying to figure out is how do I claim my own authority?  What is the authority I have to claim and will I use it not for my own selfish reasons but for the good of all.

Tomorrow is my official start to my last year the School of Theology and
Ministry and so I am thinking where I’m going and what I will do.  I will be 65 when I graduate next fall and for me that was an ages when I believed people retire not start a new career!  I have so many questions of the God and (Hello God) sometimes I think God is just sitting up there giggling at me as She tells me ‘to just wait for the surprises I have for you.’  I love a good mystery, one I have to figure out and laugh when I get it wrong or celebrate when I get it right.  But, it’s not quite so comfortable being the center figure of my own mystery.  Well, I guess I will just have to wait and see how this all ends up; actually I will have to wait because God is talking!

Below is the sermon I preached last Sunday and I offer it to you, as I told my community, as an invitation to the conversation.  I look forward to your comments.

BY WHAT AUTHORITY

Sermon for Queen Anne Christian Church
September 25, 2011

This scripture from the Gospel of Matthew is not only rich in meaning but difficult to open up.  The questions Jesus asks the leaders of his people are difficult ones and not to dissimilar from questions we are asked as Christians or the ones we ask ourselves.  I think to understand what the author of Matthew is trying to get at we need to first understand the scriptures historical context.

First of all the audience for the Gospel of Matthew was a Jewish community.  There may have been a few Gentiles and converts to Judaism but essentially it was a community of Jews who would have known well their Jewish history.  In addition this gospel was written following the destruction of Jerusalem and the temple, so the author of Matthew is talking to a group of displaced Jews who have fled their homes in terror and are now wondering if what they had believed in has any meaning.

The actual story takes place the day after the triumphal entry into Jerusalem when on that day Jesus had cleansed the temple of the money changers, and healed the blind and the lame before escaping the hands of these very leaders now questioning him.  In addition as Jesus and his disciples had entered the city on this morning he had cursed a fig tree for not producing its fruit.  So we have here several miracles and events that the leaders would have seen as a test of their authority to rule.

One interesting note is how the debate between Jesus and the elders takes place.  Did you notice that Jesus asked a question instead of answering the question given him?  Well this was a common technique of rabbinic debate.  When a rabbi was asked a question the response would often be another question.  So while it might look as if Jesus is side stepping the question it is actually what the Elders and Chief Priests would have expected from a fellow Rabbi. However, Jesus is not an “ordained” rabbi; he has no official status with the religious community.  Jesus is an itinerant preacher and charismatic speaker who had a loyal following, not unlike many self-proclaimed preachers on our own frontiers or even today.  Yet the Chief Priests are treating him as if
he is one of their own.

We also need to understand that the Elders and Chief Priests who confront Jesus are members of the priestly aristocracy and are not “the Jews.” Rather they are compromised leaders who collaborate with the Roman Government and are under the control of the Roman Governor.  So it is in the interests of the Priests and Elders to keep the status quo in place for that is where their power comes from, they had a vested interest in not rocking the boat.  Therefore, whenever anyone outside their own select group showed any ability to inspire the people they would have looked at it as a serious threat to their own safety.

Mind you the Chief Priests and Elders weren’t necessarily bad people.  At least some, if not most, probably felt they had no choice but to collaborate with the Roman Government if they were to protect their people.  The issue here is who were the people they were protecting.

So let’s get into the story.  Jesus is teaching in the temple when the Chief Priests and Elders confront him with the question, “who gave you the authority to do what you do?”  On the surface this seemed like a silly question to me. After all the care of the indigent, widows, children, and strangers are mandated by God in the Hebrew Scriptures.  However, this is a very serious question for these leaders because if Jesus’ authority comes from God then what does that reveal about their own authority, for they have not taken God’s charge all that seriously.

Instead of directly answering their question Jesus asks one of his own, “where did John’s authority come from?”  Now this puts these guys into a real pickle for they know they are trapped.  They have three ways they could answer Jesus’ question: a, agree that John’s authority came from God; b, John’s authority came from human origins; or c, they didn’t know.  Recognizing the consequences of the first two they chose C, they didn’t know.  This was a way to save face without actually acknowledging anything about John.  But Jesus, as we soon see, is not about to let them off the hook.

Jesus’ next act is to tell one of his famous stories, and he ups the ante with this story because the Priests and Elders will be unable to side step the final question.  Jesus’ story of the Two Sons is a simple one, but with deadly consequences for Jesus.

A father asks his first son to go and work in the vineyard and the son says NO, then the kid thinks better of it and goes anyway.  Not knowing that his first son has gone to the vineyard the father asks his second son who says YES, but instead hangs around the house playing video games.  Jesus now asks the Elders and the Chief Priests who has done the will of the father?  This is not a multiple choice question, rather there is only one answer and these leaders know it.  They have no option except to say the first son does the will of the father.  They also recognize that Jesus is identifying them with the second son
who says they will do the will of God but don’t, they protect themselves not the people in their charge.  Jesus identifies the first son with the crooks and prostitutes who originally tell God no, only to repent and live changed lives.
This is not what these learned men want to hear.  They have been compromised by their own egos and a wish to survive at all cost, while the authority of the poor has grown as they begin to do the work of God.

So what is the meaning of the words “by what authority” for me, us, today?  How do I, we, respond to the story of the Two Sons, who do you identify with? How do I, we, respond to Jesus’ question?  Most of all, how do I, we, interpret this story in such a way that does justice to the author of Matthew, but still has meaning for all of us in the 21st century?  These are important questions because I need to be honest and recognize I’m not the audience the author of Matthew was writing to.  However, I think I can draw some insight from the story despite the fact that I live in a world 21 centuries beyond the authors Jewish community.

If I examine this event in the context of the whole Gospel of Matthew I recognize that the author of Matthew, more so than the remaining 3 gospel writers, is trying to call his Jewish community back to the original Mosaic Covenant with God in the context of Jesus’ teachings.  That Mosaic covenant called for caring for the widow, the orphan and stranger, to share from abundance graciously given, not just material wealth, but from spiritual wealth, compassion, mercy and justice.  In the Gospel of Matthew Jesus is calling for a way of living where all have “enough” to live whole and healthy
lives, and that all give out of their grace given abundance to those who, for
whatever reason, are in need.  In the Gospel of Matthew Jesus repeatedly tells his followers that the Kingdom of God is here, all we have to do is live in to it.
It is not a Kingdom that will come in some future date but now, all the reader of Matthew has to do is “see and listen” and they will see the Kingdom before them.  I’m not sure what it meant to our First Century reader to “live out” the teachings of Jesus and I am struggling with what that would look like for me.

I recognize and sympathize with the Elders and Chief Priests as they wrestle with this question because it is just as much an issue for me as it was for them.  After all I live a comfortable life, and while my family was never rich, nor am I rich now, I never went hungry, or without clothes or shelter.  Despite what I might say I have lived a privileged life and I would guess that most of us in this room have lived such privileged lives as well, it’s not bad, it’s just who we are.

But if I am honest with myself I can sometimes identify with the second son.  And, while I don’t believe I’ve ever been intentionally cruel or unjust, I know that at times I too have not been as kind and merciful as I like.  All of us have had our moments of brokenness and despair, times when we’ve turned away from God and said NO, or, I am going to take care of just me and leave it at that, our moments of survival.  That is part of being Human, but it is what we do with our lives after such moments that matters.

In the story of the two sons Jesus wanted the Chief Priests and Elders to identify with one of the characters.   He wanted them to see, listen and repent.  He wanted them to recognize their covenantal duty to all of the Jewish people not just the rich and powerful.  In 5 days these same men would prosecute him and it would cost him his life on this world, this was a last ditch effort to get the leaders to see their role in the abuse heaped upon those who have no power.  It obviously did not work.

But what about me, all of us in this room, what does it mean to live our lives as Jesus taught, to see and hear the Kingdom of God.  How do we look at our 21st
century lives and say ‘I want to act like Jesus?’  Does it mean I have to give up modern conveniences’, or modern technology?  I don’t think so, I think if I accept the challenge Jesus gave to the elders and Priests as doing the will of God, then that means I need to respond to those God cares for the most.  If I live my life as if I have “enough” I will have enough, and If I give out of my grace filled abundance, I will always have grace filled abundance, but so will
everyone else.  Jesus tells me not to worry about what I will eat or wear, that will be taken care of.  My survival is assured simply by giving to those who are in need.

What gifts did the elders and priests have: they had money and goods, but they also had compassion and mercy all of which they horded in order to maintain their life style.  I must admit I do that myself, I might be trying to change but I haven’t quite given up something’s, … such as books.  Now, I don’t believe I have to give up everything.  I, we all, have special possessions that link me, all of us, to the past and lead us into the future; Jesus isn’t calling any of us to give away everything.  Rather, I believe that Jesus is calling all of us to be generous with what we have and to remember that while we are fond of some special possessions they are not to become our idols, our stuff isn’t supposed to own us.

Last year I interned at the Chief Seattle Club, a day shelter for Urban Native Americans, and I learned so much about what is important in life.   Community, family and friends top the list for Native Americans.  Those who frequented the Club were the ones that even those in their own culture often didn’t want to acknowledge: the chemical and substance abuser, the sexual offender, the unskilled, the murderer, the mentally ill, and those who just wanted to be left alone to live as their ancestors did.  Yet in this place I found an abundance of spirit.  I found graciousness in that they welcomed me into their midst and accepted me as one on a journey.  These are the people we all rush past on street, the dirty, the smelly and the strung out and I was honored that they called me friend.

I became close with one gentleman in particular who lived on the street by his own choosing, and carried his entire life on his back, yet he went every day to the home of a handicapped lady to cook her meals and make sure she made it to the doctor’s office.  One day he told me a story of sitting on the grass at Seattle U and watching a soccer game when the wind came and circled around him.  He felt that somehow he was being watched over and that this breath from the Great Spirit was to remind him he wasn’t alone.  Was he perfect, no, but his spirit was moving in the right direction, in him I saw the Kingdom of God, kind, gentle, giving, working for the other.  It makes me wonder if people see the Kingdom of God in me.

Laurie and I talked about what authority means, and I said, I didn’t know what authority I have to preach from this pulpit.  Laurie reminded me that preaching isn’t what I’m to do, but rather to invite you into the conversation.  So I’m inviting you into my conversation of what it means to live out the teachings of Jesus, what does that look like for you, and how are you wrestling with all of the questions Jesus asks?  None of us can figure this out by ourselves.  How you view the Kingdom of God maybe, and probably is, different from mine and that’s Ok.  We all have different visions, we will all live out these teachings in our own way, the idea is that we make the effort.  Don’t be like the Elders and the Chief Priests who cop out and do nothing.  Nor would I want any of you to identify with the second son, rather even if you’ve said no, go anyway into the vineyard. While the company you keep may be a bit smelly and dirty, their hearts shine with the light of God.

Ruth Jewell, ©September 25, 2011

“What are you seeking?”

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Genesis 37:15 He [Joseph] came to Shechem, and a man found him wandering in the fields; the man asked him, “What are you seeking?”

The Search

I searched along a dusty road
Not knowing what I’d find.
I met a farmer, old and gray
And asked him if he knew.
He raised his head and spoke through age,
“Look to your heart and you will find what it is you’re seeking.”

I searched along a highway.
Tall buildings hiding what I looked for.
I saw a man who taught in schools of ivy
And asked him if he knew.
He turned and looked through eyes dark and deep,
“Look to your mind and you will find what it is you’re seeking.”

I wandered on, puzzled as to meaning.
Heart or mind?  Just what was I seeking!

I searched along a gentle stream
In the middle of a meadow
“Both heart and mind”, a voice called out,
A voice both young and old
I turned to see a man of years
Yet one that was not worn.
“Give from your heart love and hope,
With knowledge and understanding.
For in giving to others you will find
That which you are seeking.”

Ruth Thompson-Jewell, Written about 1980, ©August 15, 2011

I wrote this at time when I was doing a lot soul searching and not quite sure what I’d find.  I never once thought my journey would last quite so long or take me to places I couldn’t have imagined.  Since this poem was written I’ve passed through some dark tunnels only to come out into the sunlight. 

At the time I thought I would never survive and that my journey was taking an awfully long time to complete, so long that I even considered shortening it.  But now as I look back my time in the dark was really quite brief, and while the challenges seemed overwhelming at the moment, the perspective of time and space has given me a new place from which to view my past.  I remembered this poem as I listened to the sermon last Sunday (August 14, 2011) given by Pastor Laurie.  She highlighted this verse from Genesis where an old man asks Joseph what he was seeking and then Laurie asks us what we were seeking. 

In fact we all are seeking for something and each of us believe our journeys are so unique that no one will ever understand them.  I think in reality all our journeys have many similarities and if we were to share them we just might find what we are searching for in the first place, and a whole lot quicker. My journey continues and it is unique for who I am, but as I listen to others who are willing to share their journeys similarities that lead me to answers to questions I’ve asked and new questions that open new doors.  Doors that are leading into rooms and onto paths I never would have foreseen in a million years in 1980!  I have also discovered my journey is not as unique as I thought which is really quite comforting.

It is the last two lines of the poem that I now find the most interesting, isn’t that what Jesus taught?  Giving from the heart, loving and caring for my neighbor, isn’t that the Gospel message Jesus worked so hard and died for.  Over the last couple of years I’ve begun to question just how much I give from my heart, how much more can I give and how do invite others to do the same. These are questions I can’t answer and maybe never will.  There are so many questions, so many doors to open within my heart and in the hearts of others.  Will I, will we, ever be able to open them all?

Ruth Jewell, ©August 15, 2011

MY? JOURNEY

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You held me in your arms
You whispered in my ear
“Be not afraid”

You sent me on a journey
my path laid out stone by stone
by You

I walk the path
darkness on one side
light on the other

One path-one journey
many stones-light, dark
moving forward into the unknown

Ruth Jewell, ©August 11, 2011
Submitted to the Abby of the Arts Poetry Party

Deceptive Scriptures

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Lectionary
for July 24, 2011:  Genesis 29:15-28

Jacob Marries Laban’s Daughters

15 Then Laban said to Jacob, ‘Because you are my kinsman, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me, what shall your wages be?’16 Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel.17 Leah’s eyes were lovely,* and Rachel was graceful and beautiful.18 Jacob loved Rachel; so he said, ‘I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.’19 Laban said, ‘It is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to any other man; stay with me.’20 So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her.

21 Then Jacob said to Laban, ‘Give me my wife that I may go in to her, for my time is completed.’22 So Laban gathered together all the people of the place, and made a feast.23 But in the evening he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob; and he went in to her.24 (Laban gave his maid Zilpah to his daughter Leah to be her maid.)25 When morning came, it was Leah! And Jacob said to Laban, ‘What is this you have done to me? Did I not serve with you for Rachel? Why then have you deceived me?’26 Laban said, ‘This is not done in
our country—giving the younger before the firstborn.27 Complete the week of this one, and we will give you the other also in return for serving me for another seven years.’28 Jacob did so, and completed her week; then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel as a wife.

When our pastor on July 24 read this scripture I was struck by the deception that Laban plays on Jacob and it started me thinking about all of the deception found in scripture.  There is Abraham’s pretending that Sarah is his sister instead of his wife and get’s the host kings in trouble with God (Sarah must have been one hot 100 year old woman for this to happen, but, that’s another issue altogether).  And of course son Isaac has to imitate good old dad with his wife.  Then of course there’s God who deceives Abraham into taking his son up to the mountain to be the blood sacrifice then just blows it off saying, just joking, didn’t think you take me up on it.  And, don’t forget Jacob deceiving his father into giving him the birth right and all of this is only in Genesis.  I’m not going to catalog all of the deceptions our religious fathers and mothers used.

As I have pondered this revelation that my faith is founded on deception I have to also accept that the Jewish and Islamic traditions are also based on deception andAs I look at other world religions deception is common to all of them. Over the past couple of weeks I have been struggling with what that means for my own faith.   When I did a Google search on Deception in Scriptures I find lots of stuff; about half of it is from conservatives who seem to find the deceptions somehow honorable, one fourth is from those who say the recording of the deceptions are the reasons God doesn’t really exist and the remaining fourth use the deceptions to defend their claims that their sister religions are false.

However, I keep thinking I am missing something here and I’m supposed to learn some kind of lesson from all of all this deception.  If I look at the first story of the Creation in Genesis we see no deception what so ever and everyone seems to ignore that.  God creates the universe and everything in it, and then creates man and woman. God tells the two of them everything was created for them so go for it, just take care of this world and we’re good. No trees you aren’t supposed to touch, no snakes in the grass, no original sin, nothing deceptive, just pretty much straight forward and simple. This is a believable story and I like it! God finds her creation good, including man and woman and trusts them to take care of things.  God was only asking that we be responsible
partners with him.  So what happened in chapter 2 were Adam and Eve switched at birth? Somehow we lost our ability to find the good in each other, and, for several thousand years our lives were lived by finding only the bad in each other.

What strikes me is the 4 Gospels of the New Testament seem to reflect the first chapter of Genesis in that Jesus teaches the message that God finds his creation good and all that is necessary for us to see it is do what the first Adam and Eve were supposed to do and that is take care of each other and the planet and we’re good with God.  But, yet again this message gets set aside and we end up finding only the bad side of each other and everything quickly goes downhill.  Why is it that we can’t accept the message God gives when she say’s that creation Is good?  Whenever someone points this out and calls us to return to the message of Genesis 1 we as a people manage to wipe them out, I just don’t understand.

I am wondering does anyone else find this odd about us humans, are we so simple minded that we can’t seem to learn what God has been trying to teach us all these years.  Have the gods of greed and ego so taken us by the throat that we can’t recognize the teachings of God, Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha or any of the other innumerable messengers sent to us.  Are we really that stupid?

I’d like to think that in the second creation story when Eve went and ate of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Bad that she was trying to become what God wanted of her and Adam.  But, after eating it she and Adam blow it by not taking responsibility for what they did.  Are we now trying to learn to be responsible partners with God because if we so we aren’t doing a good job of it?  We have the tools to repair this relationship, given to us over and over again by so many messengers all we have to do is learn, so why is it so hard?  I have no answers to these questions and I really don’t know if I have it right or not and I don’t expect anyone else to have the answers either.   I put this out here for conversation only, surely we can come up with better questions than those who only condemn other traditions and those who make the statement “that my faith is the right one and everyone else is wrong.”

As you can see I have been wrestling with this issue for a couple of weeks before I put this out there.  So if anyone else has something to say I have an open mind.  However, please be respectful of others opinions because I’m not sure any of us has the “right” answer.

Ruth Jewell, ©August 8, 2011

A Cell Phone Conversation

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“Hello God”, “this is Ruth, I have a few things to talk to you about, do you have the time to chat right now.”  …

“Oh wonderful” …

I’m not really complaining mind you because it is so hot elsewhere in the country right now, but, common on God, while Western Washington is supposed to be cool and cloudy, we’ve only had a few days worth of summer.  If this keeps up, we, the residents of said Western Washington, are going to have moss growing in our hair!”  …

“What was that God; you wanted some place in the North American Continent to be cool.” …

“Well I’m honored you chose us and like I said I’m not complaining, too much, but we are becoming very depressed and our bones are become a bit brittle from the lack of vitamin D so we need some sun.   Wouldn’t a balance be a better choice than our little corner being in the 60’s and gray while everyone else is in the 90’s or 100’s with only blue skies?” …

“I know you control things … what you don’t, not really.”  …

“God how can that be?” …

“OOOOHH, it’s partly our fault, we’re supposed to be partners.” …

“Yeah, I know, some of us haven’t been very good at taking care of this ol’ planet earth.” …

“OK, OK, none of us have been very good at taking care of the earth.”  …

“ aaaannnnddd, I admit I fall into that group as well, we all could do better.  But, the powers that be on this planet seem to be a bit preoccupied at the moment with matters they think are important so what’s a poor person like me supposed to do.” …

“Quit complaining and start working and helping out? Well I guess that would be a start.”  …

“And, start looking after each other instead of beating each other up with whatever is handy.  Now that might be a bit harder to do!  God, it’s just that when you gave us free will some of us choose to use it to gather power into themselves and turn everyone else out into the cold.  The ones who choose to use your free will for the betterment of those around them seem to be getting the short end of the stick and some people don’t seem to be able to use their free will at all.  They seem unable to make choices for themselves. How do we help them?  How do we help ourselves? All I’m asking here is for courage, and enough knowledge to stand up and say and do what is right for those who are unable to fight for themselves.”  …

“Yes, I know you gave us instructions” …

“I admit we’ve never followed them”  …

“But God they seem so hard to do” …

“Wellllll, I suppose we could give it another try”

“But, God, there is one other problem, some of those who are unable to fight for themselves don’t want any help unless they get what the power hungry ones have.  So the problem is how do we get those who have so much they can’t possibly use all of it to share with those who have little and how do we get those who have little to not want all of what those who have too much? The way I see it is that greed on all sides is the real issue and I am not exempt.  Jealousy and envy are powerful emotions that drive all of us humans and I’m not sure how to prevent or at least mediate those feelings.  Where do I find the answers to these questions.” …

“Yes, I know I’m in school to find the answers but all I keep finding are questions and I want some answers. mmmm I wonder if I am getting them but don’t recognize them?  Hmmm, well maybe, but, I could use a little more guidance, just a little,    ahhhhhh …..”

“Hello? … God, … God, are you still there, are you listening to me” …

“Rats, must’ve been cut off.”

Ruth Jewell, ©August 1, 2011

TIME

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Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV)

A Time for Everything

1 For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
2 A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
6 A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.

Time keeps coming to the forefront lately. Time is running out before our country defaults on its debt, I have too much time on my hands as I heal from surgery, buy this whatever before time runs out and the price increases. People don’t have time for each other because they spend their time working, or listening to their IPods© and searching the web for who knows what; time is running out to save the planet, time, time, time.  I could go on and on but I won’t I don’t have the  time for that. Ecclesiastes tells us there is a time for
everything, but is there, I wonder sometimes.

God has given us some wonderful words but we rarely take the time to listen to them or digest their meaning for the time we live in. I often wondered what it would be like if we actually stopped and let time flow past us; just being in the moment and letting time have her way with us. Well in these last two weeks I have been forced to do just that and in all honesty I feel guilty that I have so
much time to do nothing.

Where in our past lives have I learned that sitting still and watching the clouds drift by is wasting time!  Even our children haven’t the time to do unstructured play. From the moment a child is born we plan their every moment, play dates, team activities, toys that stimulate the brain rather than teach contemplation and imagination. Can’t waste time or they won’t make it into college.

When I was growing up I had time to roam fields, lie on the grass and watch clouds become rabbits, puppies, or sailing ships I pretended to sail away to faraway lands. Do our children, do we, take the time to do that anymore.  Ecclesiastes says there is time for everything, so why are we running out of time?

There is a time to work, and a time for play, there is time to love and yes a time to hate, there is a time to forgive ourselves, and a time to forgive others. We have the time to do what we really need to do in our lives, if only we recognize the time keeper isn’t pushing us, we are pushing ourselves.  God, Christ, Spirit
only wants us to take the time to listen to the sound of the birds, feel the breath of God on our cheeks, see the beauty in the world, the beauty of people, mountains, plants and animals. All the great Divine asks is that we stop for a moment each day and offer thanks for the time we have here in this life before we pass into the next.

We stand on the head of a pin, and that is our present moment, in the next moment that pin disappears and another will take its place. We need to feel the smoothness of the pin’s head, to see the world at this moment, this time, and stop worrying about what the next moment, the next pin, will be like. Each will be different, but each will have its own delight, and sorrow, to offer us.

There is time to be who we are, time to learn to be who we are, the Spirit Being lives in this moment not the last or the next. Time exists only on this pin head and I want to be in this moment, to hear the whisper of God’s voice saying “here I Am,” and to feel the breath of God kiss my cheek. I want to be who I am supposed to be a Spirit Being in a clay body that will one day return to who I am, part of the Great Spirit, and take with me into that life memories that enrich the Great Spirit who lives in us all.

Ruth Jewell, ©July 22, 2011

My Eden

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The other night I was reading the Introduction to the Sacred Journey, by Frederick Buchner, the first essay in a book for a fall class and something clicked for me.  Buchner opens his introduction by saying

“…theology, like all fiction, is at its heart autobiography, and that what a theologian is doing is examining as honestly as he can the rough-and-tumble of his own experience with all its ups and downs, its mysteries, and loose ends, and expressing in logical, abstract terms the truths about human life and about God that he believes he has found implicit there.”  Simpler Living
Compassionate Life, edited and compiled by Michael Schut, published by
Living the Good News, 2001, pg 19.

This short phrase started me thinking of my own experience, as a child, a young adult and as a now (throat clearing) mature adult.  What experiences have made me who I am and have brought me to my current understanding of God?  I guess if I start at the beginning I would have to say it was living with a group of dysfunctional adults that taught me to laugh at myself, and them, and then turn to what I felt at the time to be real.

I was born just after World War II, yes I’m one of the baby boomers that is going to wreck our economy, into a family that would have been called “white trash” and that was the most polite words for people like us. Yet my parents never treated their children as if we were poor. We were rich in so many ways, we may not have had money but we had friends. Friends from many cultures and races and my favorites were the Greek Orthodox families because we had two Easters and two Christmas’, think about it. It was the sharing of culture, food, and the misery we all felt in those early years after the war that gave such joy to our lives. I think the big turning point came when our family moved to a small farm near Oberlin, Ohio where I began to learn just what it meant to live in Eden.

I was five years old when the wonders of open fields, puppies, yellow chicks, sunshine, and hiding places in lilac bushes entered my life. Have you ever hidden from your sister by scrunching down in the middle of a fragrant lilac bush and giggling as she passes you by, only to be discovered by a wet nosed, hairy puppy? Or have you held a small yellow puff ball of a chick in your hand and have it peep into your ear? Before I was 6 I’d seen a cow drop her first
calf (they birth standing up by the way) and watched as the little heifer took
her first steps. I’ve seen blind puppies find their way to their mother for their first drink of life and I’ve seen chickens killed so I might eat Sunday dinner. Life and death are part of living on a farm; seeds sown in spring become yellow grain in summer and flour for a cake at Christmas. We live through the death of so much around us, and I learned that at a very early age.

I also learned accidents happen whether God wants them to or not. I was six when I accidently pulled a deep fat fryer full of hot oil down on top of me and was burnt over 75% of my body. A doctor working in a large hospital who, after reading about a small farm girl in a little town, called my parents and tells them “I coming to get your daughter, I’ll pay the hospital bill and you don’t have to pay me” and so  I spent the summer in a hospital far from my home struggling to survive. Yet even there I found that Eden followed me because this young resident is the reason I can walk, use both of my arms, and can face the world with a nearly scar free gaze.

Coming home meant discovering anew the wonders of life in Eden. I did discover I had limitations, but I also learned I had friends, furry and feathered ones. My best buddies became the animals on the farm. The ducks would follow me all over the place, the dog would let no one come close to me, and the chickens would sit in my lap and make clucking noises. The kittens would romp in front of me and entertain me with their antics as they chased butterflies and Katydids. I was never bored or without someone to cuddle.

Summers become fall and fall turns to winter and snow creates its own
wonders. When I was little all snow falls were huge and sled rides were a wonder to behold. But most of all was the smell of entering a warm barn. Even today the smell of hay, grain, cattle, goats, horses, and pigeons flood my memory of winter. I loved curling up in the horses manger and listen to their munching of the hay and smelling their breath as they snorted at me. I also loved the way the horses would push small pieces of grain to the edge of their food boxes so the meadow mice might come and feast. Yes the mice came in during the winter and called our barn home. In spring they disappeared as they found better places in the fields but in the winter they scampered everywhere and climbed high to escape the cats, although the Barn Owls were always a problem for them. I watched as one of my favorite chickens, Myrtle, would fly up to the back of an old roan mare where she always spent the night. And I listened every morning as my father swore at the goats who always escaped their pen just to climb onto the car roof to irritate him.

I guess my favorite barn yard companion was a bull named George. This was the sweetest, most loveable and biggest baby you would ever meet. He weighed in at around 1000 pounds and stood a good 6 feet at the shoulder. I on the other hand we was about 4 foot tall and weighed about 70 pounds and this bull would follow me like a lost puppy just so I could pick black berries for him at the far end of the pasture all because he didn’t like the thorns. I remember when there was a prison break at the prison farm 20 miles from our home and one of the escapees took refuge in the barn. Like an idiot he decided to hide in Georges stall who promptly pinned him to the wall and would not let the police in to get him.  George wasn’t hurting him, he was actually licking him rather sloppily but the police weren’t taking chances. To add injury to everyone’s pride dad asked me a 10 year old, who as I said didn’t weigh much more than 70 pounds, to lead George out to the pasture. Out comes George snuffling my pockets for carrots and while we went into the pasture the police took into custody a very wet and scared prisoner. That is one night I will never forget!

George is long gone now, just as all the rest of my childhood companions. But
in those years of animals, warm sunshine, soft rain, magical thunder storms, and snow covered orchards I learned that God is in the world in a way that all we have to do is open our eyes to see. My parents did not protect me from the life and death of living.  Friends died, animal and human, but life sprang forth in equal time. Eden and the Kingdom of God, doesn’t mean there is no pain to experience, but all of the pain only makes the joy of life more beautiful. People ask why bad things happen to good people, and I want to tell them the low points in life lead us to high mountains where God speaks in thunder and whispers. But we can’t live on the top of mountains!  There is a reason that
our lives are lived in the valleys, which is where the rain is held in soil warmed by the sun; and where drought brings hard times to challenge us into new growth.

Today I live on the side of the mountain, and I am blessed to say that I still travel to the valleys of life that challenge me into seeing God in new ways.  I am also blessed in knowing that I visit the mountain tops where my strength is renewed by the whispers and the thunder of Gods voice telling me to have courage as I re-enter the valley.

May each of you find the courage to traverse the valley, make it to the
mountain top and hear the voice of God, and, may each of you find your own Eden where God holds you in her loving arms.

Peace and blessings to all.

Ruth Jewell, ©July 17, 2011

Frustration and Patience

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I am discovering that patience is not my forte!  Spinal surgery was two weeks ago and now I am growing anxious to be up and doing, but I am not allowed to lift anything over  five pounds. and because of neck collars and bifocals I can’t see anything below my nose.  So no exciting walks, no rearranging files (they all weigh over five pounds, actually you’d be surprised what weighs more
than five pounds.), no cooking because I can’t see the stove top clearly, and worst of all reading is difficult because I have to hold the book up high to get it
in focus.  As a result I am slowly going crazy.  I am now surprised that three
weeks ago I was looking forward to a time of quiet reflection but now all I can
do is slowly let the crazy out in little bursts so I won’t go mad.

At times I feel like I am one of the Desert Mothers sitting quietly in her cave and wondering what to do with fingers that fidget!  I would be one of those beginning pilgrims who would go to her Amma and ask what should I do, how do I listen, and what am I listening for?  Our lives are built on being busy and that was as true for the Desert Mothers and Fathers as it is for us and I can’t be busy, I don’t have anything to be busy with.  This is so frustrating on one hand yet also a great lesson in being still, if I could just learn it.

Spiritual Practices are called practices for a reason and learning how to just be and practice those moments of silence, and wonder is way more difficult than anyone would think.  It is so much easier to read about listening for the God than actually doing it.  I must admit that I am struggling with being still in order for the voice of God to enter my heart and heal my distress.  Creating stillness within has been more than difficult in the last week or so than I could ever have imagined.  I actually have this image of God sitting in the corner of our deck just rolling with laughter at my attempts to sit still and find my quiet center.   I have always believed God has an amazing sense of humor and we are his greatest source of entertainment and I think today I must be high on her list.

Maybe what God wants me to see is the humor in this whole situation, to be able to laugh at myself and give myself a break by not trying quite so hard to be still and to let the joy in just being free of responsibilities for a little while sinks in.  I have always believed that working hard and being efficient is what I was supposed to do, well maybe that isn’t the case.  Maybe like the Ammas of the Desert I need to return to my cave and listen.

Ruth Jewell, ©July 16, 2011

The Power of Prayer

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1 Thessalonians 5:16-18  Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

I don’t think I ever really understood Paul’s words in 1 Thessalonians until the last couple of weeks.  On July 1, 2011 I entered the hospital for surgery due to an old neck injury and in the weeks preceding and the week following the surgery I have felt surrounded by a large dome of something which I can only call prayer.  Even when I was in the worst pain ever and felt all alone I had reminders of those that cared for me were holding my spirit in their hearts.  I was only supposed to be in the hospital for 3 days but due to complications it ended up being there for 5, a discouraging time to be sure. 

Yet, holding on to a set of prayer beads made for me by Pastor Laurie I felt a presence that kept telling me “I won’t leave you alone.”   And you know what … I wasn’t!  There was a nursing staff that came when I need them most and offered not just medical help but words of comfort.  There was a Chaplain, Father John, who came in to offer prayer and a reminder that I wasn’t alone, that people I didn’t even know were there beside me.  I was surrounded by something outside the world of science that enhanced the scientific and medical efforts in ways medical staff and doctors cannot explain but I know exists.    

Paul said to “give thanks in all circumstances,” even when things are darkest and you think that all is lost and no one cares.  I am discovering that Paul is right; now that is hard for me to say because Paul and I have a very uneasy relationship.  Prayer, rejoicing and giving thanks even when the world feels darkest is what keeps me from falling into the abyss.  I love the prayer “God’s Promise” written by Ron Mills (see the previous post) and I kept repeating it during that difficult hospital stay.  It gave me the courage to deal with pain, loneliness and fear, I wasn’t alone. 

And so I rejoice and give thanks for all of the those who offered their prayers of love and healing, I could not have made it through those dark moments without the dome of prayer you surrounded me with.  Blessings and Peace to you all

Ruth Jewell, ©2011

The Prayer: God’s Promise

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I will be with you, that’s my promise
I will shine when you can’t see
Everywhere you travel is everywhere I’ll be
Trust me for that first step, leave the journey up to me
I will be with you,
I’ll shine when you can’t see.

You are with me, that’s your promise
You shine when I can’t see
Everywhere I travel is everywhere You’ll be
I’ll trust you for the first step and leave the journey up to you
You will be with me
You’ll shine when I can’t see

You will be with me
You’ll shine when I can’t see

God’s Promise written by Ron Mills, ©2002; 2nd verse adapted by Ruth Jewell,  ©2011